Swingers Tell All in National Masturbation Month Survey
Swingers share self-service secrets
May is National Masturbation Month, which has been a celebration of self-service since it was founded in the 1990s. In order to kick off this year’s celebration, I partnered with 3Fun, an app that caters to swingers, again for a survey on the masturbation habits of its users. There were over 1,600 respondents who shared information on everything from the frequency of their masturbation to the sex toys they like to use to how they incorporate masturbation into their threesomes.
First, I asked the swingers how often they masturbate and here are the results:
· Every day (34.76 percent)
· A few times a week (34.15 percent)
· About once a week (11.26 percent)
· Two or three times a month (8.02 percent)
· Other (5.08 percent)
· Less than once a month (4.41 percent)
· Once a month (2.33 percent)
For the respondents who answered “other,” here are some of the answers clarifying what they meant:
· “Thrice daily.”
· “Five to seven times a week.”
· “I don’t need to; I have a partner for that.”
· “Only sex.”
· “Every day unless I’m on vacation.”
· “I don’t masturbate anymore. I haven’t ejaculated in over 80 days.”
· “Three to four times a day if in the mood, otherwise once a week.”
· “Three times a year.”
· “Depends on how much action I get.”
· “Five to eight times a day.”
With such a wide range of masturbation frequency, I wondered if respondents were happy with the amount of self-love they were engaging in. When asked if they’re able to masturbate as much as they’d like, 76.50 percent said yes and 23.50 percent said no. For those who weren’t masturbating enough, the most commonly cited reasons were being too busy with work and family responsibilities, and not having enough privacy. Some of the reasons were strictly sexual: Some users felt like they were getting enough sex and didn’t need to, some didn’t want to impact the quality of their sex lives by masturbating too much, and others said they just prefer sex to masturbation.
Here are some of the answers to this question:
· “It’s frowned upon to do it in public.”
· “I want to make masturbation special to me.”
· “Sometimes my body wants it, but my head or my heart is just not into it.”
· “Religion.”
· “Doesn’t feel as good some days. I mostly do it to relieve testicular pain when my spouse doesn’t want to.”
· “I’d rather masturbate with a female present instead of by myself.”
· “I feel like it harms my pleasure during sex sometimes.”
· “I’m on antidepressants that have lowered my ability to reach climax. Sometimes it’s not worth the effort.”
· “I don’t want to masturbate alone anymore.”
· “I’m a male and I perform porn. I have sex two to three times per day, and masturbating would interfere with my performance. I masturbate my female partners regularly with and without toys, but save my own ejaculations for partnered sex only.”
· “I masturbate more than I would like. Sometimes it gets tiring to have the urge for the fourth time in one day, and it takes up too much time.”
· “Rather shared intimacy with a partner. Masturbating feels a bit empty after climax.”
Swingers and Sex Toys
Do swingers use sex toys when they masturbate? According to their answers to my survey, 66.06 percent do and 33.94 percent don’t. When they do use sex toys, these were some of their favorites:
· Pocket vagina
· Dildo
· Vibrator
· Butt plug
· Clit sucker
· Cock ring
· Vibrating cock ring
· Bullet vibrator
· Penis pump
· Rabbit vibrator
· Penis sleeve
· G-Spot vibrator
I asked those who didn’t use sex toys if they were interested in trying them, and 61.65 percent said yes while 38.35 percent said no. People who wanted to try sex toys gave these reasons:
· “Could be fun. I’d like to try some butt stuff.”
· “They seem fun and I’m a curious person.”
· “Why not? I’m up for anything.”
· “I would like to try them for a new experience.”
· “Yes, I’d like to try them and see if I’m missing something good.”
· “Seems more interesting than regular masturbation.”
· “I would to make orgasms more intense.”
· “I’m all about improving my sex life.”
· “I think trying them would be fun and add a little more anticipation and teasing, and just overall exploration in the bedroom.”
And what sex toys do they want to try most? These were the ones they had their eye on:
· Sex doll
· Dildo
· Pocket vagina
· Prostate massager
· Butt plug
· Anal beads
· Vibrating sex chair
· Sex machine
· Vibrator
On the other hand, 3Fun users who weren’t interested in sex toys also told me why. The most common reasons were lack of interest, cost, and not wanting to deal with the hassle of buying sex toys. Also, several people said they didn’t want to take the time to maintain them. This makes a lot of sense because research from Adam & Eve shows that although it’s best to clean sex toys after every use, many people don’t wash them anywhere near as often as they should.
Some of the specific reasons the swingers told me they’re not interested in sex toys were:
· “I just like skin on skin, no need for toys.”
· “I’m a guy; I like lotion and porn.”
· “Usually, masturbation is to get in a quick orgasm. Don’t want to complicate it.”
· “I need more patience with sex toys.”
· “They’re all too small.”
· “Don’t turn me on.”
· “My hand is sufficient.”
· “I tend to have an allergic reaction and I come too big too fast. I’m multi-orgasmic, so I can go long. If I use toys, I can’t go long.”
· “Don’t know how to use them.”
· “Partner not interested.”
· “Because they feel weird.”
· “Sex toys for males seem dirty. And not the good kind. Just unclean.”
A Diddle for Two…or Three: Swingers and Mutual Masturbation
I wanted to know if swingers keep their masturbation to themselves or if they share the love, so the next series of questions were related to mutual masturbation. When asked about this, 65.82 percent said they do engage in mutual masturbation, while 34.18 percent said they don’t. Those who enjoy it gave these reasons:
· “I love when my partner touches and gives me a hand job.”
· “It’s a fun experience that doesn’t rely on sex.”
· “I’m a very tactile person. Touch and be touched.”
· “It feels good to edge.”
· “We are all responsible for our own orgasm and sometimes it just isn’t going to happen with a partner.”
· “It’s another way to build connections without penetration.”
· “It’s a private thing, but sometimes can be romantic.”
· “I do because it leads to real sex.”
· “Helps set the mood and comfort level.”
· “It’s a way to softly introduce pleasure with others. Pleasure begets more pleasure.”
· “It’s so personal and special.”
· “It’s good foreplay, and good by itself. Experiencing it with someone else just adds to the great time.”
· “It’s enjoyable to do with your partner; you get to feel each other’s bodies and feel how a different touch makes them react.”
· “I’m a pervert.”
· “I engage in mutual masturbation because sometimes me and my partner are too tired to have sex. Also, I do love watching and being watched.”
· “Don’t have sex on my period, but still like to come.”
· “It’s a turn on for me. And sometimes I only want a clitoral orgasm, I don’t want to be penetrated.”
· “We do because it’s enjoyable and she orgasms buckets.”
· “It’s nice to just enjoy your own bodies together.”
· “It makes me feel wanted and sexy.”
· “I engage in mutual masturbation because I like to see a person pleasured and it turns me on watching them, and I get to learn what they like or how they want to be touched when watching them masturbate.”
· “It’s fun to see the look in my partners’ eyes and it’s nice to know that they came looking at me.”
· “I engage in mutual masturbation because I like to see my man in his most vulnerable state.”
I asked those who did not engage in mutual masturbation if they were interested in trying it and 67.17 percent said yes, while 32.83 percent said no. The swingers who weren’t interested told me:
· “Boring.”
· “I find it awkward.”
· “My boyfriend doesn’t masturbate.”
· “I would like to, but my partner isn’t into such things.”
· “Would rather have sex.”
· “Wife doesn’t want to.”
· “I personally hate hand jobs. I can pull my own Johnson better than any outside source could.”
· “The wife doesn’t even masturbate in front of me.”
· “Because we are having hot sex and can’t keep our hands off each other.”
· “Mostly insecure about my body and being witnessed when I lose myself. Also believe I would get distracted.”
When I asked 3Fun users whether or not they incorporate masturbation into their play during threesomes, 74.06 percent said yes and 25.94 percent said no. The ones who did told me the following:
· “It’s been proven to ease everyone into the moment and gives insight into what everyone is expecting.”
· “Masturbation is definitely a thing. Having a threesome can be intimidating.”
· “Have to warm everyone up first.”
· “It stimulates my vagina to become more wet and ready for penetrative sex. It also makes me more aroused.”
· “Masturbating in front of others or watching others masturbate can show you how they feel good with their body and is hot as fuck.”
· “It’s a good way to start the evening and get everyone aroused.”
· “It’s a part of our play because it’s a way for us to see what the new partner likes and doesn’t like, and we can get to know their body on a more intimate level before engaging in play.”
· “I do masturbate with my partner to allow our guest to get relaxed and not feel pounced on.”
· “Don’t want to seem creepy and I want sex to be 100 percent mutual.”
· “Used for breaks to last longer.”
· “Everyone participates, better for all.”
· “If someone is comfortable touching themselves while looking at you, then you have no doubt that they are totally into you.”
· “It’s because we like to watch the squirting.”
· “I enjoy practicing my skills and getting a woman off once or twice before penetration.”
3Fun users who didn’t use mutual masturbation in their threesomes said:
· “It’s not very fun for me. I don’t enjoy being watched, and I’m afraid I won’t know what to do to please the people I’m with.”
· “Oral is better.”
· “Could get blue balls.”
· “I don’t like watching someone masturbate, usually would rather use my mouth.”
· “Sex is better.”
· “I want to feel their cock in me.”
· “Usually getting plenty of attention from the new partner, so no reason to masturbate.”
· “Masturbation feels vulnerable for me and I don’t like feeling like I’m on the spot.”
· “It isn’t a part of play because there are so many other things to focus on while being in a threesome. The only time I think it’s okay is when someone watches me and my husband have sex while they masturbate.”
· “There’s plenty to do without bothering to masturbate when you’re in a threesome. Masturbation is more of a thing to do to keep you up or to pass the time. When you’ve got multiple people there willing to help you out, it never really turns into a focal point.”
Let’s Get Visual: Watching and Being Watched
Since exhibitionism and voyeurism are such turn-ons for many people, I wondered if the swingers enjoyed being watched while they masturbate, or enjoyed watching someone else diddle themselves. When it came to being watched, 71.60 percent said they enjoyed it and 28.40 percent said they didn’t. On the positive side, these were their explanations:
· “The anticipation and build up to actual touching.”
· “I love to be directed as I perform for the watcher.”
· “Just kind of kinky.”
· “Feels intimate, someone seeing something that is typically done alone.”
· “The fact they are watching me. Feels like I shouldn’t be doing it.”
· “It’s arousing for someone else to watch me being sexual. It’s a feedback loop of pleasure.”
· “Being desired and viewed as a porn star. Putting on a show for someone else.”
· “I like the feeling of being admired for my natural attributes.”
· “It’s thrilling to have them watch and not be able to touch, but want to.”
· “I like the fact they can tell me what they want me to do.”
· “Watching them blush as they slowly begin touching themselves.”
· “It’s fun to be the center of attention.”
· “How turned on they get. The way they look at me like I’m the sexiest girl they’ve ever seen.”
· “It makes you feel sexy and vulnerable….You can totally expose yourself to someone and them the same.”
· “I do it for a cam show, so mainly the tips. But it’s also cool knowing so many people are watching you and are mimicking you because you’re turning them on.”
· “The idea of them seeing me, but me not seeing them. Then later they blackmail me into performing sexual favors for them.”
The swingers who don’t enjoy someone watching them masturbate told me:
· “I’m a shy person.”
· “Don’t feel sexy enough.”
· “I don’t like people watching me when I masturbate; I like people watching me while fucking a girl.”
· “I don’t necessarily like being watched when I masturbate, but if a female that I’m having sexual relations with wants me to masturbate for her, I will.”
· “It’s awkward and fake.”
· “I don’t care if they watch, but I don’t get any pleasure from it. Unless a woman is into watching.”
· “Only one time have I ever pleasured myself in front of someone else from start to finish and that was over a video call. I like that it was something different, but it just doesn’t excite me. Masturbation is something I do to maintain my physical and mental health, and don’t need anyone else for that.”
· “Person should be naked and licking my balls.”
· “I do not get off on people watching me masturbate when I can have sex with a beautiful woman.”
Lastly, I asked the swingers if they like to watch someone else masturbate, and 90.06 percent said they do, while 9.94 percent said they don’t. Here are some of the comments, positive and negative, that they offered:
· “The eroticism.”
· “I really enjoy hearing them moan and seeing them pleasing themselves until they come.”
· “Their feelings of excitement or shame.”
· “Voyeurism isn’t my thing.”
· “Makes me want to get in there.”
· “They are sexy and embarrassed and so cute! Turns me on like a light switch.”
· “Like to watch them twitch and see their toes curl.”
· “The intimacy of it. Everyone masturbates slightly different. I love watching them in that moment as they come, as they lose themselves.”
· “It’s similar to someone sharing a very personal secret with you.”
· “It’s super hot to watch someone having pleasure. When someone masturbates, they do to themselves what they like the most, so you can learn a thing or two.”
· “I like watching how they get turned on, where they like feeling themselves the most, and it turns me on to watch them. Just like watching porn, but more personal and interactive.”
· “I like to watch a woman, but only for a little bit because I like to make her come.”
· “I find it beautiful to see someone so intimate.”
· “I think masturbation is a privacy thing, so I don’t usually like to watch somebody else masturbate.”
· “Getting a better visual before fucking their brains out.”
· “The slight taboo feeling it gives.”
· “Knowing I’m going to be the one finishing them off.”
· “The voyeuristic aspect of feeling like I have invaded their privacy or they have surrendered it to me, the feeling of control and sexual humiliation I feel over them.”
· “I like hearing his moans, seeing how hard his dick is when he rubs it so fast, and I like watching him spit on it the same way he spit on my pussy.”
So there you have it, a comprehensive look at the masturbation habits of swingers. I know it’s a lot, and I appreciate the time the respondents spent answering my questions to give me another look at what they do in the bedroom. And according to Daisy Lee, 3Fun’s Marketing Coordinator, this survey was a great way for users to open up about their masturbation and reflect on how they incorporate it into their relationships.
“Masturbation is a topic we cannot avoid when talking about sexual health and pleasure. We want 3Fun users to be comfortable talking about masturbation, which is why we conducted this anonymous survey where people could share things without feeling embarrassed,” she told me. “We are also interested in how masturbation affects someone’s relationship with their partner under different circumstances.”
I have to say, after reading all of the responses, one definitely stood out: Someone said they weren’t masturbating enough “Because I’ve been taking this survey.” I can certainly empathize with that because working on this article definitely cut into my own masturbation time as well. In fact, I think I have some one-handed reading to catch up on now.
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