Don’t Try This At Home: The Anal Edition
10 weird objects removed from people’s butts
A little anal stimulation is great when masturbating or having sex with a partner, but some people find themselves in medical mishaps when things get out of control — especially when they try to stick things up their butts that clearly don’t belong there. The Internet Journal of Surgery sums it up this way: “Throughout the history, the variety of objects removed from the rectum almost defies imagination.” This article features ten of the weirdest objects people had to go to a doctor to get removed from their butt.
Vibrator
While using a vibrator to stimulate the anus is not unusual, the fact that one emergency room patient had his sex toy lodged there for six months certainly is. Even more unusual is the fact that this 64-year-old man travelled around the world with it still inside of him, causing the vibrator to be referred to as the “most travelled foreign body” by The Medical Journal of Australia. Although six months is quite a long time to have a sex toy stuck inside of you, one woman has him beat. That patient had to get a five-inch sex toy removed from her vagina after ten years. The case of this 38-year-old Scottish woman was so noteworthy that is was featured in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Computer Mouse
He thought a computer mouse was the perfect sex toy: After all, it has a tracking ball to help it glide in and out of his butt and a cord that would make it easy to pull it out when he was finished. Unfortunately, according to Stuck Up!: 100 Objects Inserted and Ingested in Places They Shouldn’t Be* — a book by Drs. Rich Dreben, Murdoc Knight, and Marty A. Sindhian that chronicles odd foreign items medical professionals found in people’s bodies — the patient was wrong. In fact, instead of being the perfect device to scratch his itch, the mouse became a pain in his ass when the wheel made it move further into his butt than he expected and his muscles tightened to the point where it was impossible to remove without medical assistance.
“We believe this to be the first reported case of the unaided insertion of an adhesive material into the rectum for erotic stimulation.” — Journal of Gastrointestinal Surgery
Bed Leg
While we may be perfectly happy having sex in our bed, we’re probably not going to have sex with our bed. However, one doctor encountered a patient who seemingly did, although he had an explanation at the ready as to why he had the leg of his bed buried inside his butt. According to him, he was in the middle of moving and when he wanted to rest for a minute, he accidentally sat down on the bed leg. But the doctor was skeptical: “There was a central flaw to his story because the wheel was deep inside him, and the bolt, which fixes the leg to the bed, was sticking out the bottom,” he told Metro. When he questioned his embarrassed patient about how the leg actually came off the bed, the man said that he’d “unscrewed it by turning round and round.”
Vase
A 51-year-old patient saw nothing wrong with inserting a vase into his rectum. After all, he’d done it before — according to him “once every few months” — without any problems. That is, until he landed in the hospital because the vase had been pushed so far up his anus that he couldn’t get enough of a grip on it to take it out. When asked about it, the man said he “would rather not get into it” because of privacy concerns, but later admitted that inserting the vase, along with various other household items, was the way he liked to get off.
Cement Mix
Some people enjoy introducing an enema into their sex play, but they usually don’t use cement when they get frisky. However, two patients decided this type of enema was their path to pleasure. One was a 20-year-old man who went to the emergency room with rectal pain and explained that while “fooling around” with his boyfriend, he decided he wanted to stir up a batch of concrete, lie down at a 45-degree angle with his feet on the wall, and have his lover pour the substance into his butt through a funnel. Four hours later, the pain became unbearable and the man went to the emergency room to have the cement removed. In the other case, a 27-year-old man needed to have 16 centimeters of hardened cement removed from his rectum after injecting it into his butt with a dual-chambered glue gun. “We believe this to be the first reported case of the unaided insertion of an adhesive material into the rectum for erotic stimulation,” wrote the authors of the case report in the Journal of Gastrointestinal Surgery.
“It was only after he came in two more times that it occurred to me, by the look of pained pleasure on his face, that the anal beads were only half the fun.” — Dr. Mona Moore
Nuts and Bolts
As Dr. Mona Moore describes in a VICE article, a patient who came to the emergency room was in so much pain that he couldn’t even sit in the waiting area. That’s because in a misguided attempt to make DIY anal beads, the man put nuts and bolts into a condom and inserted them up his butt. Unfortunately, the condom broke and the nuts and bolts got stuck inside of him. However, when she treated him, Moore did not get the reaction from her patient that she expected. “I inserted my hand past his not-so-tight sphincter, right up to the wrist until I could extract the bolt, trying to stop the blunt edges from causing him too much pain,” she explained. “It was only after he came in two more times that it occurred to me, by the look of pained pleasure on his face, that the anal beads were only half the fun. The other half was having my hand wriggling around in his butt.”
Impulse Body Spray
I’ve been told that most body sprays already smell like ass, but it seems like a 39-year-old patient, who happened to be an attorney, wasn’t quite convinced and needed more proof. So he inserted a 17-centimeter-long can of Impulse Body Spray into his rectum to get the sweet-smelling pleasure he was looking for. Although he confessed to the doctor that he had done this several times before with no issues, he needed medical assistance this time because his rectum had swollen up to the point where he couldn’t remove the can. In another case of a man who seemingly wanted to get off while freshening up downstairs, the 23-year-old patient went to the hospital with an aerosol can of deodorant stuck in his butt.
Toenail Clippers
The Foreign Body: A collection of the most interesting X-rays of things that don’t belong and the stories behind how they got there! by Andrew Del Gaizo, M.D., describes a patient who needed to have toenail clippers removed from his anus. Why did he put them there? According to him, “I had finished clipping my nails.” Fair enough. However, the patient was a repeat customer who subsequently had to have a mattress spring taken out of his body. This time the claim was he was having sex and suddenly the spring had “sprung up into his anus.” When he arrived at the hospital, the spring had penetrated his bowels and was found floating around in his abdominal cavity.
“Throughout the history, the variety of objects removed from the rectum almost defies imagination.” — Internet Journal of Surgery
Glass Bottle
A patient went to Dongguan Hospital in China to get a seven-inch glass bottle removed that he claimed “all of sudden” got stuck in his butt when he used it to “scratch his itchy backside.” In another case, the patient was more upfront about the fact that he was using a three-inch drinking glass for “sexual stimulation” and went to the hospital after two days of trying to remove it. Unfortunately, the glass broke and he needed medical help taking out the pieces.
Flashlight
A man was admitted to the First Affiliated Hospital in China with complaints of abdominal and rectal pain. And rightfully so: A ten-inch flashlight he put in his butt had been stuck there for over 27 hours. Luckily for him, it only took about two hours for doctors to remove the flashlight from his body, though he did have to spend two days in the hospital for observation.
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Sources:
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