What Swingers Do When They Get Stuck in a Sexual Rut
Because even swingers need to spice things up once in a while

When I think of swingers, I think of them literally swinging off the chandelier naked. I always imagine that they have an inferno in their bed that burns bright and continuously. But, according to a survey conducted for yours truly by 3Fun, an app that caters to swingers, this is not nearly the case. When the company surveyed around 300 of its users — which included single men, single women, and couples — they gave surprising answers about the sexual ruts they have experienced.
“We really need something to spice our life up, including our sex life. Otherwise, we may go into a marital crisis.”
3Fun told me that most of the couples they surveyed had indeed experienced a sexual rut in their relationship at one time or another, and these are the top reasons they gave for having them:
1. When everyday life takes over and people get stuck in their daily routine. It doesn’t leave one enough time together to explore their sexual desire.
2. When people get used to old things they are familiar with, especially when it comes to their sex life. The less the couples explore, the more they get into a sexual rut.
3. A change of emotions.
4. Being married for a long time. One respondent described it this way:
“Being together for a long time and getting in a pattern of doing the same types of things every day drive us into boredom, laziness. We really need something to spice our life up, including our sex life. Otherwise, we may go into a marital crisis.”
I also wanted to know what 3Fun users thought people could do to avoid being stuck in a sexual rut. Their responses were:
1. Playfully teasing and frustrating their partner to increase their libido.
2. Massaging their partner throughout the day in order to both release the pressure and make it easier to get into sexual desire.
3. Having more date nights.
4. Using sex toys.
5. Trying things out of their comfort zone with an open mind.
6. Communicating with your partner.

“Toys and some kinky stuff are our new things in our bedroom — well, also in the car or other places!”
Next, I asked 3Fun swingers what tips they would give to other swingers, and the rest of us, in order to spice things up in the bedroom. Their tips were:
1. Communicate and explore new things together in and out of the bedroom. Trying new things is sexy because you get to fall in love with different sides and aspects of your partner than you’ve never seen before.
“My husband and I keep open communication, and try new things often, and all problems have been resolved and gone!” said one of 3Fun’s users.
2. Go outside of your comfort zone, but learn what does and doesn’t work for you because there are many different levels of kink.
3. Read up or listen to podcasts to discover something you don’t know much about, and put those things into practice. There is always more to try out.
4. Bring in new play partners with the couple, or allow for extra-couple exploration that is shared and told before and after. This requires open communication and assuming good intent at all times.
5. Change appearance, use lingerie, outfits, just dress differently or go into a different context — like a public place — and play around there. Thrill and excitement rekindle desires fast.
“We both feel better about ourselves by putting a little extra work into our looks and we get extra compliments too by doing that,” someone on the app said. “Sometimes it’s just nice to break the same old boring routine of being at home in your pajamas, and going out to meet people and laugh and flirt. Always stay positive!”
Lastly, I wanted to know what respondents generally do to keep the fires burning in their own relationships. They told me:
1. Date nights.
2. New adventures.
When talking about new adventures, one 3Fun user said, “Toys and some kinky stuff are our new things in our bedroom — well, also in the car or other places! We should never judge anyone about their fantasies and desires.”
3. Everyday texts and flirting.
4. Sexting.
5. Try something new like switching location, toys, positions, and even people. “Getting into the threesome is the best thing I’ve ever done. Of course, both of you two have to agree on this and that’s nothing to feel shame about,” said a survey respondent.
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