7 Sex Resolutions That You’ll Want to Keep

Spruce up your sex life in 2021 and beyond

As we begin to get settled into the new year, we generally start thinking about how to create new habits that will help us improve. However, these resolutions may not extend to the bedroom — but they really should. If you want to do something to spruce up your sex life in 2021, consider the following seven tips.

Have Solo Sex Next to Your Partner

This tip may sound counterintuitive because, after all, doesn’t masturbation defeat the purpose of having your partner right there? However, according to Dr. Wyatt Fisher, author of marriage book Total Marriage Refresh, doing this can actually improve your sex life in multiple ways.

“Masturbating next to your partner can be very intimate and bonding,” he said. “First, it allows your partner to experience you in a very vulnerable state. Second, it allows them to observe where and how you touch yourself. Third, it allows you to fully focus on receiving pleasure, rather than giving.”

“Couples can keep the fire burning by encompassing a kinder, lighthearted attitude towards sex.” — Megan Harrison

Practice Mindful Masturbation

Just as masturbating next to your partner can be a great way to spice up your sex life, masturbating alone can also enhance intimacy. However, this is not an exercise in just having an orgasm, says erotic wholeness coach Darshana Avila, this is a way to really discover yourself and take the knowledge you gain back to your relationship.

“Find out what it takes for you to truly enjoy some solo space where it’s all about you, your needs, desires and preferences, about filling your own cup and having a sense of autonomy and sovereignty that actually end up enhancing your connection with your partner far more than it might hinder it,” Avila said. “This could include fostering a connection to your eroticism, engaging your senses in really pleasurable ways, communing with your body and heart, making masturbation into a mindful practice rather than a race across a finish line. This way, when you come back into connection with your significant other, you have something to share.”

Change Your Mindset

Although you and your partner may have some frustrations about your sex life and a negative mindset, it is important not to constantly feed into them, otherwise they will continue to be magnified. A change of mindset can actually help to change your sex life for the better.

“Couples can keep the fire burning by encompassing a kinder, lighthearted attitude towards sex,” said relationship therapist Megan Harrison, Owner of Couples Candy. “Oftentimes it’s identifying with frustrations and judgments that feeds them, making them worse and creating further negative emotions. This is the last thing we want from a romantic connection between two people!”

“Doing a new position three times in a row gives you a chance to fine-tune it….” — Dr. Wyatt Fisher

Do a Sex Menu Exercise

Do you have a position that you always wanted to try, but never asked your partner about? Are you curious about what your partner wants, but you’ve been too afraid to ask? One way to remedy this is by creating a sex menu and sharing it with your partner.

“From a list of possible sexual activities, each partner selects which ones they like, don’t like, or are neutral about,” said Dr. Diana Wiley, author of Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine*. “Then compare lists to find new activities that both are willing to explore. This can lead to some fun discoveries.”

Change Your Position After Three Sex Sessions

People always intend to try something new in the bedroom, but it’s so easy to fall into the familiar that they may not actually do it. In order to ensure that couples aren’t doing the same old, same old all the time and becoming bored, Fisher suggests that couples change their sexual position after three sex sessions because it allows them to constantly keep things fresh. Also, doing this can be a way for couples to practice their new positions.

“Changing things up after every third time tends to be a nice interval to keep things fresh and different. Doing a new position three times in a row also gives you a chance to fine-tune it and become more comfortable with it.”

“It’s not about trying to fit into some external standard of what sex ought to be.” — Darshana Avila

Be Curious and Creative

According to Avila, our eroticism is a dynamic thing that is constantly evolving. As a result, it’s important to aid in that evolution by feeding its curiosity and need for creativity.

“Even though we have core themes and imprints that remain consistent, there are always ways to innovate. So avoid assuming that you already know all there is to know about yourself and your partner when it comes to sex and intimacy,” Avila said. “Be not only willing, but committed, to exploring and experimenting with new elements and experiences in your sex life. This doesn’t have to be some major production each time and it’s not about trying to fit into some external standard of what sex ought to be. It’s more an invitation and opportunity to adjust the dials, a little over here, a little over there, to bring variety and novelty into your encounters. And what it does require is communication. You’ve got to get comfortable talking about your sex life if you want it to be a good one.”

Incorporate Cannabis Into Your Sex Life

According to Wiley, incorporating cannabis into your sex life is a good way to enhance your pleasure because of the effects it has on your body.

“In states where it’s legal, couples can experiment with having sex while high on cannabis,” she said. “It may not be for everyone, but many who have tried it say it can promote relaxation, enhance sensory experience of sex, and prolong orgasm.”

As you plan for what you want to do this year, these tips may make a great addition to your 2021 resolutions list in order to spice up your sex life and improve your overall relationship with your partner.

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