5 Traits of a Sex Partner Horror Story
Do you have a nightmare in your bedroom?
What’s not to love about a horror story this time of year? They can give us a good fright, make our Halloween night a lot of fun, and even get us horny. But that just applies to the scary movies and novels we enjoy. When it comes to what goes on in your bedroom, there are certain horror stories that you don’t want bumping you in the night, the bad sex partners who turn your bedroom into a circle of erotic hell that makes you run for your life — your sex life that is. Have you had a horror story sex partner that gave you frights instead of delights? Keep reading to find out.
“A guy…who doggedly goes down on a woman for 45 minutes is not likely to leave a positive impression.” — Indigo Stray Conger
The Entitled
If you’re not sure if you have this horror story in your bed, ask yourself this question: “When was the last time my lover catered to my needs?” If you can’t answer that question, you may be with someone who is an entitled lover, someone who is only focused on their own pleasure — and you are merely the vessel they use to get it.
“Entitled lovers typically don’t care about, or consider their partner’s pleasure. They are having sex as a transaction for their own orgasm. The other person is simply there to sexually serve their needs,” said Dr. Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist for AdamEve.com. “This lover uses sex as a weapon and typically threatens to leave the relationship or withhold safety if sex doesn’t happen. Others can use sex as a weapon by having sex as a form of manipulation to get their needs met.”
The Delegator
When it comes to this bad lover’s pleasure, the responsibility is always going to be on you. Even if you ask what they like, they probably won’t bother to tell you.
“This person delegates their own pleasure, like their partner should know their turn-ons,” said Lovehoney sex and relationship expert Dr. Megan Fleming, PhD. “If you’re not willing to explore and discover together, or on your own, what turns you on and feels good, how can you communicate that to your partner?”
The Judge
When you open up and share what you want, this bad bedfellow will swiftly pound the gavel on your desires and declare them out of order. Not only does this leave you sexually unsatisfied, it can make you feel ashamed of your own preferences.
“If your partner says, ‘I want to do some anal play,’ judging them on that doesn’t help,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Natalie Finegood Goldberg. “And the question becomes, who are you to judge? If that’s what they like, that’s what they like, so judging them or shaming them about that can be really harmful.”
“If they feel like they have to throw spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks, it’s frustrating, confusing, and tiring.” — Natalie Finegood Goldberg
The Wet Fish
Similar to The Delegator, The Wet Fish isn’t going to give you any idea of what they want. In fact, they’re not going to give you anything at all. They may even give some actual wet fish a bad name because at least floppy flounders actually move sometimes.
“They’re not doing anything, they’re not participating, there’s no responsiveness, there’s no ‘oh that feels good, keep going.’ The person might even lie there very quietly, so there’s no way to gauge if they’re even enjoying themselves,” Goldberg explained. “This is really hard to work with. People often gain pleasure from pleasing their partner, and if they feel like they have to throw spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks, it’s frustrating, confusing, and tiring.”
The Goal Setter
This nightmarish lover only keeps their eyes on the prize — orgasm at all costs! Do you enjoy the journey? Who cares! Are you left feeling like your partner came at you with a to-do list? So what! The goal setter has work to do, a destination to get to, and that’s all that matters.
“Lovers, especially men, often mistakenly think that the secret to being a good sex partner is to focus on their partner’s orgasm and to have clever techniques with which to demonstrate their skills. That’s why a guy armed with the knowledge of sex help books who doggedly goes down on a woman for 45 minutes is not likely to leave a positive impression,” said licensed relationship and sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger, Co-Founder of Mile High Psychotherapy and writer for Choosing Therapy. “Most people, especially women, would rather experience a give-and-take in the bedroom that is less goal-oriented and orgasm focused and more pleasure and connection focused.”
Although all of these bad sex partners can be frustrating, there’s no need to go running to an exorcist just yet to evict this demon from your bedroom. Through clear and open communication with your partner — mixed with some patience and maybe even a little erotica — you can mix up a sexual potion that may turn your horror story into a happy ending.
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