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Abstract

ielle Henderson</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="4780" type="7">“Telling your partner everything they’re doing is wrong is, undoubtedly, going to hurt their feelings and cause conflict.” — Mia Sabat</p><h2 id="66a4">Good Lovers Give You Positive Feedback</h2><p id="1e2d">Sometimes you will miss the mark and what you’re doing during <a href="https://medium.com/sex-with-a-side-of-quirk">sex</a> is not connecting with what your partner wants. That’s okay; it happens. But the difference between a good sex partner and a bad sex partner is that a good one will not merely criticize you for missing the mark, they will give you praise for what you’ve done right to turn them on and give you some gentle suggestions on how to get better.</p><p id="04c9">“It’s crucial that <a href="https://readmedium.com/are-you-happy-in-your-relationship-it-will-be-reflected-in-your-words-d05ecfaaafd0">conversations</a> about preferences come from a place of positivity and desire, rather than criticism. Telling your partner everything they’re doing is wrong is, undoubtedly, going to hurt their <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-a-word-association-test-predicted-relationship-success-63a62e66c040">feelings</a> and cause conflict,” said Mia Sabat, in-house certified sex therapist at <a href="https://www.letsemjoy.com/">Emjoy</a>. “Instead, tell your partner what aspects of your sex life that they’re doing well: Whether it’s the way they <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-kissing-is-so-addictive-71e7d90d2ce2">kiss</a> you, their ability to turn you on, their spontaneity — let them know they are connecting with your desires, and that you simply want to take your ability to feel pleasure with them a step further. By focusing on the positive aspects and building out from there, you’ll be able to learn from one another in a positive environment that doesn’t feel critical or embarrassing.”</p><h2 id="3563">Good Lovers Are Present</h2><p id="3ea9">Although getting in touch with our fantasies can help us express ourselves sexually, we don’t want to take that immersion into our minds too far, says <a href="https://www.lovehoney.com">Lovehoney</a> sex and relationship expert <a href="https://greatlifegreatsex.com">Dr. Megan Fleming</a>, PhD, because that can take us out of the moment we’re experiencing with our partner.

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Good lovers know when it’s time to fantasize and when it’s time to be present — giving themselves and their partners the attention they both need in the moment.</p><p id="03f2">“Fantasies can be a great way to get back into an erotic space, that being said, if you’re in your head all the time in a fantasy, your partner usually can tell that — you don’t feel that they’re there and that’s a turn off,” said Fleming. “Being present is that ability to be in our bodies and know this is what feels good and you’re attuned to your partner’s experience and what’s going on for them.”</p><p id="4934"><b><i>More from Kiki Wellington:</i></b></p><div id="aede" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/5-traits-of-a-bad-sex-partner-54d949d64509"> <div> <div> <h2>5 Traits of a Sex Partner Horror Story</h2> <div><h3>Do you have a nightmare in your bedroom?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*OtSxEIM2O2BLWxzDZZ7cLQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="2f5c" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/pushing-smut-uphill-sisyphus-thy-name-is-wellington-4dac30223da9"> <div> <div> <h2>Pushing Smut Uphill</h2> <div><h3>Sisyphus, thy name is Wellington</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*JccsQ75wWgeiesNG9ol4RQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a5e6" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-difference-between-sensuality-and-sexuality-3b1c4f4315f2"> <div> <div> <h2>Sensual Vs. Sexual</h2> <div><h3>Do you know the difference?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*6axI7NLtxyXnsaJePhfaNw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

3 Sex Partners to Be Thankful For

It doesn’t have to be Thanksgiving to sing the praises of these lovers

This is the time of year that we reflect on our lives and celebrate the things we’re thankful for — and the partners who put in work to make our intimate moments the best they can be should be no exception. While bad sex partners may think it’s all about putting Tab A into Slot B, these lovers take the time to make sure they please you and give you a great experience in bed. The following are some ways they do it.

“Part of being a good partner means being in tuned equally with your own pleasure.” — Natalie Finegood Goldberg

Although a good lover is concerned about your pleasure, they are also aware of what they want in bed, and are able to balance the two to make sure that you’re both getting what you need.

“Sometimes people get particularly hung up on their partner’s experience, and while on one hand it’s important, on the other hand, if it becomes your primary focus, then it will derail your connection with your own pleasure,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Natalie Finegood Goldberg. “Part of being a good partner means being in tuned equally with your own pleasure, as well as you are to your partner’s, and not necessarily letting your partner’s pleasure dominate your thoughts or your motivations.”

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

“Telling your partner everything they’re doing is wrong is, undoubtedly, going to hurt their feelings and cause conflict.” — Mia Sabat

Good Lovers Give You Positive Feedback

Sometimes you will miss the mark and what you’re doing during sex is not connecting with what your partner wants. That’s okay; it happens. But the difference between a good sex partner and a bad sex partner is that a good one will not merely criticize you for missing the mark, they will give you praise for what you’ve done right to turn them on and give you some gentle suggestions on how to get better.

“It’s crucial that conversations about preferences come from a place of positivity and desire, rather than criticism. Telling your partner everything they’re doing is wrong is, undoubtedly, going to hurt their feelings and cause conflict,” said Mia Sabat, in-house certified sex therapist at Emjoy. “Instead, tell your partner what aspects of your sex life that they’re doing well: Whether it’s the way they kiss you, their ability to turn you on, their spontaneity — let them know they are connecting with your desires, and that you simply want to take your ability to feel pleasure with them a step further. By focusing on the positive aspects and building out from there, you’ll be able to learn from one another in a positive environment that doesn’t feel critical or embarrassing.”

Good Lovers Are Present

Although getting in touch with our fantasies can help us express ourselves sexually, we don’t want to take that immersion into our minds too far, says Lovehoney sex and relationship expert Dr. Megan Fleming, PhD, because that can take us out of the moment we’re experiencing with our partner. Good lovers know when it’s time to fantasize and when it’s time to be present — giving themselves and their partners the attention they both need in the moment.

“Fantasies can be a great way to get back into an erotic space, that being said, if you’re in your head all the time in a fantasy, your partner usually can tell that — you don’t feel that they’re there and that’s a turn off,” said Fleming. “Being present is that ability to be in our bodies and know this is what feels good and you’re attuned to your partner’s experience and what’s going on for them.”