The Weird Things People Do to Get Off

The curious cases of lust gone very, very wrong

Sex can be thrilling…and dangerous. Sometimes when we’re having a good time, we get caught up in the moment and do things we shouldn’t do or put things in places they don’t belong — and that leads to a most embarrassing hospital visit. In the following articles, I explore some of the oddest things that people have done to get off. But be careful: Some of these stories are not for the squeamish!

Don’t Try This At Home: The Vaginal Edition

A dildo? Sure. A penis? Of course! But some of these object removed from vaginas cause more pain than pleasure.

Don’t Try This At Home: The Anal Edition

Be careful when you tell someone to “stick it where the sun doesn’t shine,” because they may take you literally.

Don’t Try This At Home: The Penile Edition

If you think people won’t put things in their penis to get off, think again! Ouch! I don’t even have one and these stories made me cross my legs in pain.

Don’t Try This At Home: The Oral Edition

Oral sex usually brings a lot of pleasure to you and your partner. But not if you do it in the ways described in this article.

Don’t Try This At Home: The Christmas Edition

Sex Sent Me to the ER always features funny stories about sex gone wrong, and all of the stories here are about getting ho-ho-horny then ho-ho-hurt.

In addition to writing stories on people being sent to the emergency room because of how they get off, I have some articles about people who do things that, while not medically harmful, may be a bad idea.

Here Cums the Sun

Do you get off thinking about the weather? Although these strange fetishes won’t send you to the ER, they may not do your sex life any favors.

That Time the Obscene Phone Caller Hung Up on Me

He didn’t go to the hospital, but someone who was annoyed with him could have sent him there.

To the One Who Shoved Hard Boiled Eggs Up His Rectum

Given the nature of his fetish, this man may very well have ended up in the ER. But since I don’t know, I’ll assume he just continued doing something odd to get off.

To the Morning Commute Train Masturbator

Here’s one who probably should have been knocked unconscious by someone who had the displeasure of sitting next to him on the train during their morning commute.

Here Cums the Judge: A Jurist, a Penis Pump, and a Whole Lot of Legal Trouble

Is there anything wrong with using a penis pump? Of course not! But being a judge using one on the bench while adjudicating a criminal trial is a no-no.

To the Loud Sex Neighbor That Made Me Move

Did this exhibitionist neighbor I had go to the hospital? No. Did I wish I had sent him there at the time? Absolutely!

‘I Received Oral Sex While on a Conference Call’

Since so many people are working remotely these days, a lot of them are getting it on during the workday. It may be sexy, but bosses would definitely frown on what people admitted to here.

Working From Home Gone Wild

When so much blood rushes away from their brain, many people lose their senses — and the ability to turn off their webcams when they decide to get freaky.

3 Traits of a Porn Imitator

Some people may want to fuck like a porn star, but they probably shouldn’t.

To the New Year’s Eve Newsstand Urinator

If you fantasize about going to Times Square on New Year’s Eve, climbing up on a newsstand, and peeing on a crowd of strangers, for the love of everything holy, please don’t.