avatarKiki Wellington

Summary

The article recounts an unpleasant experience of a visitor to Times Square on New Year's Eve, who was urinated upon by a reveler positioned atop a newsstand.

Abstract

The author shares a personal anecdote of their first and only visit to Times Square for New Year's Eve celebrations, detailing the discomfort of dealing with large crowds, cold weather, and loud noises, culminating in an incident where an intoxicated individual urinated from a newsstand onto the unsuspecting crowd below, including the author and their friend. This unexpected 'golden shower' was the last straw, causing the author to reflect on their preference for indoor New Year's Eve celebrations in the future, such as watching "The Twilight Zone" marathon, and to express a general disdain for the unruly behavior encountered during the night.

Opinions

  • The author initially had reservations about attending the New Year's Eve festivities in Times Square due to the anticipated large crowds.
  • Despite the inconveniences faced, such as the cold and the noise, the author was willing to endure these for the experience until the incident occurred.
  • The author expresses disgust and disbelief at the man who chose to urinate from the newsstand, an act that significantly marred the evening.
  • The incident has left a lasting impact on the author, influencing their decision to avoid future public New Year's Eve celebrations in favor of a quieter, more controlled environment at home.
  • There is a hint of humor in the author's reflection on the night's events, despite the overall negative experience.

To the New Year’s Eve Newsstand Urinator

You added moisture to my Times Square excursion

Photo by Wavebreakmedia on DepositPhotos

I wasn’t chasing waterfalls, rivers, or lakes that night — and I certainly wasn’t chasing trickles of piss. And yet, there you were.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

It was the first and only time I ventured to Times Square on New Year’s Eve, accompanying and friend and her parents to the festivities. Generally, I don’t do well with crowds, but I figured, what’s the worst that could happen?

You.

We walked an eternity. I could deal with that. It was freezing cold to the point where I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore. I could deal with that. It was so loud and crowded that I couldn’t hear myself think, let alone hear my friend. I could deal with that. After all, that was what I signed up for when I agreed to go.

After we heard you, we felt you. Or rather, trickles of you….

What I didn’t sign up for is what happened when the clock finally struck 12 and the ball dropped. Some people blew horns. Some people sang “Auld Lang Syne.” Some people kissed their partners. And amid all of the festivities and promises of a new beginning, we heard you, above our heads screaming “Happy New Year!” at the top of your beer-soaked lungs.

After we heard you, we felt you. Or rather, trickles of you that dropped on our heads like the beginning of a Chinese water torture.

“Is it starting to rain?” my friend asked me.

“It isn’t supposed to,” I said.

Then we heard you continuing to scream as the trickles got a little bit more forceful. We looked in your direction, and lo and behold, you had perched yourself on top of a newsstand, dropped trou, whipped out your cock, and was waving it around as you pissed on all of our heads.

If only I had some spiked eggnog that night.

And with that, my one and only trip to Times Square on New Year’s Eve ended with my one and only golden shower.

Perhaps you’re part of the reason I prefer to stay indoors on New Year’s Eve now, watching The Twilight Zone marathon and enjoying some spiked eggnog. If only I had some that night.

More from Kiki Wellington:

NB:

Happy New Year, dear readers! Here’s to the year that shall not be named finally coming to an end. Shitty year, don’t let the doorknob hit you where the Good Lord split you.

Golden Showers
New Year
New Years Eve
Times Square
Ball Drop
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