9 Reasons to Try Mutual Masturbation

The joys of one-handed pleasure for two

For many couples, there’s masturbation over here and then there’s partner sex over there, and never the twain shall meet. However, if you want to try something new by sharing one of your most private acts with your partner, mutual masturbation has many benefits that can bring your connection to a new level. The following are some reasons why you may want to incorporate mutual masturbation into your sex life.

Watching Can Be Erotic

As you and your partner watch each other masturbate, it can bring your arousal to new heights because it’s like having your own private porn film being played out in front of you in real time.

“It can be really, really sexy to watch someone else pleasure themselves while you’re experiencing your own self-pleasure,” said sex educator Amy Baldwin, Co-Host of the Shameless Sex Podcast. “It’s like watching a hot porn while receiving pleasure at the same time. The visual stimuli can serve to get us even more aroused, while our hands touch us exactly the way we like.”

Enjoying an Alternative to Intercourse

For one reason or another, intercourse may be off the menu sometimes. But when couples engage in mutual masturbation, they can still enjoy each other in an intimate way, without worrying about intercourse, says psychotherapist Jacob Brown.

“I believe the biggest benefit of mutual masturbation is it gives the couple a way to be together sexually when more traditional intercourse isn’t available,” he explained. “That may be because sex is painful or uncomfortable with one of the partners, or one partner is too tired or not in the mood. This gives a low-key way for them still to share in sexual activity.”

“Mutual masturbation can be…an excellent option for those looking to shrink the orgasm gap.” — Mia Sabat

Increasing the Chances of Orgasm

Do you have trouble orgasming when you have sex with your partner? According to Mia Sabat, in-house certified sex therapist at Emjoy, since chances are good that you do orgasm when you touch yourself, masturbating with your partner can help you share The Big O.

“Most people climax when they masturbate, and this holds true for mutual masturbation too — plus, it’s a shared experience,” she said. “If you struggle to orgasm with your partner, mutual masturbation can be a helpful introduction into making your climaxing together a regular thing — an excellent option for those looking to shrink the orgasm gap.”

Telling By Showing

According to Searah Deysach, Sex Educator and Owner of feminist sex shop Early to Bed, mutual masturbation can be a learning experience for both partners because they each get the opportunity to learn each other’s preferences while, at the same time, sharing their own.

“Mutual masturbation helps your partner see what you like. By showing your partner what feels good on your body, they can maybe learn some new ways to touch you,” she said. “Also, there is increased knowledge of your partner’s sexuality. When you watch your partner pleasure themself, you get insight into how they like to be touched, what makes them feel good, and what kind of touch brings them to orgasm. This can help you be a better lover to them and make your partner’s sex more fulfilling.”

“Trying new things — beginning as beginners together — increases desire and arousal.” — Susan Bratton

Taking the Pressure Off

Mutual masturbation is a good way to get your sexual needs met without the same amount of stress and effort that can come with other types of sex. You and your partner can still please each other, but in a low-pressure way.

“You get to be together and have orgasms without all the effort of oral sex, hand sex, or intercourse. Your partner can lick or bite your nipples, you can make out during the session — whatever feels right. If you’d rather just lie back and both do your own thing, there is nothing wrong with that,” said certified sex educator and clinical sexologist Gigi Engle. “The key thing is that you’re engaging in sexual self-love with the person you love. You’re sharing your erotic space without having intercourse — it’s still sex, but it’s a different kind of sex. It’s very exciting to try new things — and when we’re burnt out enough from life, this can be a lovely way to have sex without breaking a sweat.

Boosting Self-Confidence

Mutual masturbation can make you feel vulnerable, and through that vulnerability, according to Sabat, you can actually build your self-confidence — despite any fears you have of being too exposed.

“Mutual masturbation boosts self-confidence because as a personal act of self-love, it not only requires vulnerability, but also honesty and openness, which can be very empowering,” Sabat said. “As intimacy and vulnerability are inextricably linked, this also means that by choosing to be vulnerable with your partner during mutual masturbation, you’re forging a stronger connection that allows you to engage with one another on a deeper level.”

“The key thing is that you’re engaging in sexual self-love with the person you love.” — Gigi Engle

Expanding Your Sexual Palette

If you need a new treat in your sexual bag of tricks, mutual masturbation can expand your horizons and give you the excitement that comes with something new.

“Mutual masturbation expands the palette of what sex is in a relationship. When you get beyond the usual oral and intercourse, and add new ways of creating pleasure together, you mature as a couple,” said intimacy expert Susan Bratton. “I always say, ‘Couples that play together, stay together, especially in the bedroom.’ Learning new sexual techniques is one of the best ways to stimulate new relationship energy even in a long-term relationship. Trying new things — beginning as beginners together — increases desire and arousal.”

Engaging Safely

If you’re concerned about safety, having a session where you and your partner masturbate next to each other can help you enjoy an intimate experience without the worry, says Baldwin.

“Mutual masturbation is the safest of safe sex,” Baldwin said. “Everyone involved is experiencing sexual pleasure together, and yet they aren’t touching each other’s bodies. It’s contactless pleasure without any of the health risks.”

Building Your Connection

Just like other sexual acts you may engage in with your partner, mutual masturbation can add another level of intimacy to your relationship that will only make your sex life that much better.

“Mutual masturbation truly brings a new level of intimacy to a relationship — though we understand if you have to try it to believe it,” Sabat said. “Because the act involves so much intimacy, and often ends in mutual satisfaction, mutual masturbation often makes you feel closer and more connected to your partner — both physically and emotionally. Until you have the chance to try it, you’ll have to take our word for it that it might become your new favorite intimate experience.”

More from Kiki Wellington: