Guilty Pleasures Can Be As Enjoyable As Romantic Relationships

Research shows connection can come from the most unlikely places

We all need to feel connection, which is why we pursue romantic relationships in the first place — and why great relationships make us feel so good inside. But we don’t always need other people — whether it’s partners, friends, or family members — to be around in order to experience that feeling of connection. In fact, according to research in Self and Identity, non-traditional social strategies can actually fulfill our social needs every bit as much as spending time with the people we love. These activities can include reading a novel by your favorite authors, tickling your taste buds with yummy comfort foods, spending time with pets, binge watching your favorite television shows, playing games, and engaging in the guilty pleasures you enjoy.

“We live in a society where people are questioned if they’re not in a romantic relationship, if they decide not to have children, or they don’t like attending parties.” — Shira Gabriel

“People can feel connected through all sorts of means. We found that more traditional strategies, like spending time with a friend in person, don’t necessarily work better for people than non-traditional strategies, like listening to a favorite musician,” said researcher Elaine Paravati. “In fact, using a combination of both of these types of strategies predicted the best outcomes, so it might be especially helpful to have a variety of things you do in your life to help you feel connected to others.”

In order to determine how much people rely on non-traditional social strategies, researchers surveyed 173 study participants on their social connections and feelings of well-being to measure their “social fuel tank,” which is the basic need for social connection. The researchers say that when our tank is full, we feel happy and fulfilled, but when the tank is low, we can become anxious and depressed. People surveyed reported that on average, they had seven approaches for filling their tank — and some said they had as many as 17 methods — which were a combination of both traditional and non-traditional social strategies.

Study authors found that the type of strategy participants used was not as important as the fact that their social fuel tanks were getting filled by whatever activities they enjoyed — which flies in the face of conventional wisdom about the connections people enjoy.

“People had assumed these non-traditional connections weren’t valuable. In fact, we used to call them ‘social surrogates,’ as if they were a surrogate for a real social connection,” researcher Shira Gabriel explained. “But after researching these connections for so long, we never found evidence that they weren’t valuable. Nothing suggested that people using non-traditional strategies were lonelier, or less happy, less socially skilled, or feeling any less fulfilled. These aren’t surrogates for real social connections; these are real ways of feeling connected that are very important to people.”

“People can feel connected through all sorts of means.” — Elaine Paravati

And according to Gabriel, this research can help those who enjoy more non-traditional social strategies than other people, and have lifestyles that may be seen as unconventional, feel more secure with their natural preferences.

“We live in a society where people are questioned if they’re not in a romantic relationship, if they decide not to have children, or they don’t like attending parties. There are implicit messages that these people are doing something wrong. That can be detrimental to them,” Gabriel said. “The message we want to give to people, and that our data suggest, is that that’s just not true.”

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From watching reruns to relationships, there are many ways of feeling connected. ScienceDaily. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/04/200417212931.htm