What Your Partner Is Thinking When Kissing You

When lips lock, minds may wander

Do you think about anything when you kiss? Do you know what your partner is thinking when you passionately lock lips? In the heat of the moment, there’s a chance that people get so wrapped up in what they’re doing that they’re not thinking much of anything. However, according to kissing coach William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing: The Truth About What Men and Women Do, Think, and Feel*, your partner could be thinking several things — some of which may actually be distracting. After surveying over 100,000 people from around the world, Cane learned several things that run through people’s minds when kissing and below are some of the most common.

“Do You Like What I’m Doing?”

Cane found that some people may question their performance while kissing, so much so that it can ruin the experience for them.

“A lot of people worry if they’re pleasing their partner when they’re kissing,” Cane said. “They’re self-checking, which can often be problematic because it can make them too self-conscious.”

“Women have dragged their husbands and boyfriends to me saying, ‘I want you to teach him how to kiss because he doesn’t do it right!’”

“My Ex Said I’m a Terrible Kisser.”

This thought is often related to the first one because the insecurity may be rooted in a comment that came from a past partner. Hearing insults like this can haunt someone and cause insecurity that makes them question whether or not they’re capable of pleasing anyone with their kissing.

“A lot of people are more in the moment or impulsive and they’re just thinking about the feeling of it….”

“What Should I Do Next?”

“Many times, people are thinking what the next type of kiss is they can do, or if they’re more sophisticated and experienced, they’re thinking how they can transition from this kiss into the next kiss,” said Cane. And of course, people start thinking about other erotic activities and how they can move into something even more intimate.

“I Hate the Way You Kiss!”

Although your partner may love and adore you, they may not feel the same way about your kissing technique. In fact, they may even hate it, according to Cane.

“Often people are thinking about how annoying their partner is and how incompatible their kissing style is — even with people they’re married to or in a relationship with,” he said. “Women have dragged their husbands and boyfriends to me saying, ‘I want you to teach him how to kiss because he doesn’t do it right!’”

While some people’s minds may go to these places when they’re kissing, that doesn’t mean these kinds of thoughts have to happen. Some people can stay in the moment when kissing, and they don’t worry about anything other than connecting with you.

“A lot of people are more in the moment or impulsive and they’re just thinking about the feeling of it — how good it feels, how pleasant it is, and how relaxed they feel,” Cane said.

*This article contains affiliate links.

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