Want to Learn to Squirt? You May Be Swimming in the Wrong Pond

This is what you really want instead

“I don’t care about squirting,” declared sex educator Samia Burton, Owner of Sexual Essentials LLC, when I spoke to her.

This seemed like a strange sentiment coming from someone who actually teaches women how to squirt in her hands-on classes, which include full demonstrations with props and everything.

But there’s a good reason for this: Burton says that when most women come to her and say they want to learn how to squirt, what they really want is a great orgasm — and they believe that squirting will be evidence that they actually had one.

“A lot of women don’t even know if they’ve ever had an orgasm….”

“I think that the fixation with squirting is because women have been faking orgasms for so long and whenever it does happen, people are like ‘Oh my God, at least I have proof that I did something.’ That’s what people are fixated on,” Burton explained. “Think about it, a lot of women don’t even know if they’ve ever had an orgasm — but if you saw yourself squirt, wouldn’t you feel like you did, even though that’s not true?”

In fact, Burton makes it crystal clear that although squirting and orgasm may be linked, oftentimes one has absolutely nothing to do with the other.

“Sometimes you can squirt and not orgasm, so I care about orgasm,” she said. “I’ve had orgasms that I didn’t squirt from and they felt way better. And I’ve squirted before and either had a weak orgasm or no orgasm at all. Unless the two are technically tied together, then why am I fixated on trying to clean up a damn mess?”

Having Great Orgasms…With Or Without the Mess

To help women have great orgasms with great intensity — which may or may not leave a big mess to clean up afterward — Burton suggests the following tips.

Turn Down the Sex Toys

We all know that using sex toys can be an awesome way to induce great orgasms, but Burton says the mistake women make is they pump up the volume of these toys way too much in the hopes that the stronger the power, the stronger the orgasm. Although it may seem counterintuitive, she says the real way to intensify your orgasm is to turn the volume of your sex toys down or use toys that aren’t as intense.

“Why am I fixated on trying to clean up a damn mess?”

“Everybody’s like, ‘well, I don’t like the weak ones.’ The thing is, it’s not that you don’t like the weak ones; you just don’t like the pleasure. We have a sense of numbness almost about our vagina because it’s like unless the toy is on Jack the Ripper speed, we think, ‘it didn’t make me come,’” Burton said. “Why can’t you just enjoy the pleasure part? If you are only doing the thing that’s going to make you come quick, then your orgasm itself is not only quick, but it’s small. Orgasms are like snowballs, so if you come too quick, you just have a regular sized snowball. But if you roll that snowball all across the yard, guess what it does? It gets bigger and bigger when you roll it downhill. It picks up more snow, it picks up more momentum, it picks up more force.”

Take Your Time

When we use sex toys on the highest speed, we not only produce weak orgasms, we also train our bodies to orgasm too quickly — which can make it difficult for us to climax when we have partnered sex.

“Unless the toy is on Jack the Ripper speed, we think, ‘it didn’t make me come.’”

“Take more time. If you only give yourself two minutes, that’s two minutes of work. I don’t want two minutes of dick; I don’t want two minutes of head. Even if you come, aren’t you sometimes upset when you come too quickly? Like damn, that’s it?” said Burton. “But a lot of women don’t know how to sit in that feeling. You want to watch which preferences you’re sending for yourself; you don’t want to get used to something and then other people can’t duplicate it.”

Take a Breath

Another reason that your orgasms may not be as strong as they can be is because your breathing is labored or you’re holding your breath altogether. Burton says in order to have a great orgasm, you need to breathe properly so your body can truly experience the pleasure you’re trying to achieve.

“If you hold your breath, you’re stopping the blood flow and you’re literally impacting your orgasm by not breathing through it,” said Burton. “Breathing is so important and so undermined, people don’t even realize that you can actually catch an orgasm just from breathing. That’s how powerful breathing is, but most of us are breathing incorrectly and we don’t even know it.”

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