9 Ways to Make Time for Holiday Intimacy

Your schedule may be frightful, but holiday sex can still be delightful

We are full swing in the holiday season, and it’s so busy. Between juggling work and holiday obligations, it can feel impossible to find quality time with your partner. But it can be done — though sometimes it may take a little ingenuity. To get some ideas on ways to make time for holiday intimacy, I spoke to nine sex and relationship experts and these are the suggestions they made.

“Think about what you want to get out of the moment together.” — Kayla Lords

Enjoy Small Gestures

There are lots of ways to create some time and space for erotic connection. Many couples have the idea that they need to have loads of time to set aside for a sexual or erotic encounter. In fact, some partners will avoid affectionate or sexy touch because they don’t want their partner to get the idea that they are up for sexual contact. What a loss! Having a short make-out session in the kitchen or a sexy tap on the butt can remind you and your partner that you are lovers…even when times are busy! Also, I recommend getting out of the “intercourse” rut. Great sex can involve an erotic shower, sensual massage, holding each other naked, or even mutually masturbating if you’re tired or short on time. Ironically, most sexual encounters only last 10 to 15 minutes in total, so I’m not sure how “time” is a reason not to connect with your partner.

-Dr. Britney Blair, Co-Founder of the sexual wellness app Lover and Founder of The Clinic, an independent mental health clinic in Northern California

Mark the Calendar

To increase time together for having sex during the holidays, I recommend this is the time of year where it is perfectly acceptable to schedule some time to have sex. You both are busy and finding the time can be difficult. You want to be fully present for yourself and your partner during sex, so scheduled time may be the middle ground you need during this busy time. Scheduled sex is better than no sex!

-Dr. Michael Stokes, LMHC, Rhode Island Sex Therapy LLC

“It’s not about big grand things, but moments when you can just be together, pause, and reconnect.” — Dr. Nikki Goldstein

Put Your Love First

We can solve many obstacles by simply talking with each other. And that’s what I would advise couples do before the holidays begin. Since it is the time when we feel pressured by family and upcoming chores, we tend to put our love life in the second place. Instead, I’d advise prioritizing the relationship with your partner by putting them in the first place.

Before holidays start, make sure to check in with your partner and see what their expectations of holidays are, and how they see the situation developing. Think about the ways and situations you can use to nurture your relationship without disturbances. Once you determine that, and holidays begin, make sure to check in every day on each other to ensure you’re on the same page each day.

-Nikolina Jeric, Founder of 2Date4Love.com

Set Your Priorities

A person cannot materialize extra time in their lives, but there is also never “not enough time” to do something. How much time you have for a thing is always simply a matter of prioritization. Is intimate time with your partner a higher priority than time for cooking? Is intimate time a higher priority than time with your kids? Is it higher priority than time for sleeping?

The best way to “make time” for intimate time with your partner is to ask yourself what can be struck from your present schedule. Do you have a budget for a babysitter or takeout to free up time? Spring for these things specifically to allow for more private time together. Do you not care so much about sleep? Forego it to make more intimate time.

-Simone Collins, co-author of The Pragmatist’s Guide to Sexuality* and The Pragmatist’s Guide to Relationships

“Great sex can involve an erotic shower, sensual massage, holding each other naked, or even mutually masturbating if you’re tired or short on time.” — Dr. Britney Blair

Be Mindful of Your Calendar

The holidays are a stressful time for many couples who need to split time between both of their families. This leaves barely any time for downtime together and can contribute to conflict when trying to accommodate everyone’s schedules. The best way to make intimate time for each other is to plan ahead. Get out the calendar and talk with both families. Schedule dates for dinners and gatherings ahead of time. If events are listed on a calendar, the couple knows exactly which day is reserved solely for them and can keep it that way!

If someone wants to add a new event at the last minute, they can easily fall back on their calendar by saying “I’m sorry, we are already booked for that day.” Also, visualizing the season’s activities on a calendar can instantly let you know if you’re packing in too much in a short period of time. It’s easy to get burned out from doing too much during the holidays.

-Mayla Green, sexpert and Managing Director at The Adult Toy Shop

Create a Buildup

Think about what you want to get out of the moment together. If it’s sex, then start building up to that moment before it happens. This can mean sexting throughout the day or sharing small intimate touches or glances when you do see each other. That way, when you are finally together, part of the arousal process is already in the works, and you can get to the “good stuff” — whatever that might be — sooner.

-Kayla Lords, sex expert at JackandJillAdult.com

Keep It Short

During the holidays, intimacy is about smaller, shorter ways you can connect without feeling like you need to find time for a date night. This could be a snuggle in bed, a shower together where you can be intimate but also talk about what’s going on, a coffee in the backyard or balcony first thing in the morning, or even a glass of wine together at night. It’s not about big grand things, but moments when you can just be together, pause, and reconnect.

-Sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein

“Scheduled sex is better than no sex!” — Dr. Michael Stokes

Take Advantage of Time Off

The best thing to do is set aside as much time as you can to prioritize one another and your relationship. Make it a top priority! During the holidays, many people have time off from work. Take advantage of this, and depending on your budget, you can even do a mini getaway to a cabin to alleviate the holiday stress and spend some quality time alone together. Even if you cannot find a way to get out of town, make quality time right at home by snuggling up and getting cozy together.

-Rori Sassoon, Co-Owner of matchmaking agency Platinum Poire and author of The Art of the Date

Tie Your Lust in Ribbons

Tell your partner that whenever they see a ribbon somewhere on your body, it is an invitation of where you’d like them to lavish you. Be random and creative — especially when it can’t be acted on right away. Let the excitement build, even if it means taking a picture of a bow on yourself of where you’d like them to kiss you first the next time they see you.

-Theano Evagelou, Certified Authentic Tantra Practitioner and Relationship Coach

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