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millew</a> that listicle writers are lazy and shameless (and write too long listicles like this one. Duh!)</p><h2 id="b17e">№6 — The Pub is run by a philanthropist</h2><p id="beea">Like his beloved <a href="undefined">Grandma</a>, who <a href="https://readmedium.com/boosting-fiction-i-want-to-tell-you-a-story-2e9d30e289be"><i>takes time to talk</i></a> about life’s challenges with <a href="undefined">May More 💜 Tales</a> on the 32nd of each month, <a href="undefined">Smillew</a> likes to spread love. He is such a giver that he doesn’t mind if you promote your own story in a story about him. Also, despite all his success, he is still creating and not just <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-top-creators-create-less-and-talk-about-creating-instead-1104a72bbe67"><i>talking about creating</i></a>.</p><div id="ec44" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/crypto-billionaire-gifts-free-hugs-to-needy-writers-86db4c0c88d"> <div> <div> <h2>Breaking News: Crypto Billionaire Gifts Free Hugs to Needy Writers</h2> <div><h3>Smillew Rahcuef: “It was time to give back to the community!” medium.com</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*aFssQpaC7Idj6BvM)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="f161">№7 — Everyone gets a shot at The Pub</h2><p id="47e4">The Pub is an equal-opportunity pub. Even the lamest writers get a chance here. If you don’t believe me, check this <a href="https://readmedium.com/lamentations-of-the-fruit-fly-cdbd52c28d78"><i>haiku</i></a> about fruit flies.</p><h2 id="a098">№8 — The Pub lets you start every unnecessary subtitle with precisely the same two words, except №7</h2><p id="7596">It is true! The Pub is not only the home of boosted stories but a safe harbour for lazy listicles like this one! You can shamelessly repeat yourself in №7 and №8! (You can also make excessive use of exclamation marks!!!!)</p><h2 id="e3f0">№9 — The Pub lets you use …, and [] as well as () as much as you like</h2><p id="a8db">Oh, yes … it is true! (They really do!) It is [redacted] unbelievable!</p><div id="71ea" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/want-to-be-published-17126153ecb0"> <div> <div> <h2>Want to Be Published?</h2> <div><h3>The Pub is the write place to go</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*nkd8epsyUzpHBhlgGxmjLg.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="c1a1">№10 — The Pub predicted Twitter’s descent into chaos</h2><p id="4649">Rumour has it <a href="undefined">Smillew</a>’s famous hat was once the property of Nostradamus and gifts him the power for foresight. If you are fed up with Twitter, <a href="undefined">Smillew</a> has a <a href="https://readmedium.com/a-new-challenger-to-twitter-smillewitter-378822ab4918"><i>solution</i></a>.</p><div id="e16e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-elon-musk-is-screwing-over-twitter-2a3d46611a11"> <div> <div> <h2>How Elon Musk Is Screwing Over Twitter</h2> <div><h3>And Medium</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*usRJBUdQJWHr9-7NgVYifg.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="ec2f">№11 — The Pub pays you for writing</h2><p id="3f53">Impossible? Nothing is impossible in The Pub! Reread №6! <a href="undefined">Smillew</a> is a philanthropist who’ll pay your stories with the <a href="https://readmedium.com/get-back-up-to-25-in-smillewcoins-f3928d4c7151"><i>cryptocurrency</i></a> that made him rich — Smillewcoins!</p><p id="4697" type="7">Advertisement: Smillewcoins! The currency of trust! Invest in a better future now. Invest in Smillewcoins! Trust in the Smillew Trust. Smillewcoins, the investment you can trust!</p><h2 id="8189">№12 — The Pub hired Grandma Smillew as an editor</h2><p id="a3aa">Few people had a lasting impact on Smillew’s life, like his <a h

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ref="undefined">Grandma</a>. The loving <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-grandma-just-joined-medium-8b3aea20b5d2"><i>Grande Dame</i></a> of Medium taught <a href="undefined">Smillew</a> to be a better human and approach life with <a href="https://readmedium.com/say-thank-you-more-often-a5ae2561d6a7"><i>gratefulness</i></a>. <a href="undefined">Smillew</a> created The Pub for his <a href="undefined">Grandma</a>, who was rejected as a misfit by many publications in her youth, to show his gratitude.</p><h1 id="8acd">The Cons</h1><h2 id="7376">№1 — The Pub has ridiculously tough submission rules</h2><p id="52cf">The Pub has ridiculously tough submission rules but lets you repeat headlines in the main text.</p><div id="2e30" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/want-to-be-published-17126153ecb0"> <div> <div> <h2>Want to Be Published?</h2> <div><h3>The Pub is the write place to go</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*nkd8epsyUzpHBhlgGxmjLg.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h2 id="77f8">№2 — The Pub gives everyone a chance</h2><p id="34cc">It is a blessing and a curse. Even the lamest writers get a chance here. If you don’t believe me, check this <a href="https://readmedium.com/lamentations-of-the-fruit-fly-cdbd52c28d78"><i>haiku</i></a> about fruit flies. At least, The Pub lets you repeat the Pros as Cons to extend read time shamelessly.</p><p id="c5f2">We at The Kraken News thank <a href="undefined">Smillew</a> for his <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-we-launch-the-clap-for-clap-official-facebook-group-dd5839ef3508"><i>community service</i></a> and wish him all the best on his way to 3,000 followers! Go ahead and celebrate with <a href="undefined">Smillew</a> by clapping for him <a href="https://readmedium.com/one-clappers-welcome-d5eec0036633"><i>once</i></a>. This is your chance to win a <a href="https://vintagetoiletpaper.gumroad.com/l/csrno?layout=profile"><i>picture</i></a> of his Vintage Toilet Paper Rolls.</p><p id="febc"><b>Breaking News:</b></p><p id="2f23"><i>Medium Promises to Take Measures Against Terrible Listicles</i></p><p id="e77b"><b>In Other News:</b></p><p id="d6ef"><a href="https://readmedium.com/i-love-my-blind-husband-355a01da37d8"><i>A Local Couple’s Extraordinary Love Story</i></a> by nothing-is-as-it-seems correspondent <a href="undefined">Bradan Writes Stories</a></p><p id="9a0d"><a href="https://readmedium.com/13-terrible-ideas-to-make-sports-fun-523f76c0c9b1"><i>13 Terrible Ideas to Make Sports Fun</i></a> by couch potato correspondent <a href="undefined">Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.</a></p><p id="8940">About The Kraken News — Writing Prompt by <a href="undefined">Bradan Writes Stories</a></p><div id="cc4b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-kraken-news-writing-prompt-74c8be959947"> <div> <div> <h2>The Kraken News — Writing Prompt</h2> <div><h3>Tonight on the evening news…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*S6TWBy0Y9DYeXJoJCrwBwA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="5885"><b>💯 Story Challenge — News Edition (80/100)</b></p><p id="c6f8"><i>Do you want to support great journalism? Then, go and pay for The Guardian!</i></p><p id="52bf"><i>You can, however, support me in writing more nonsense like this, and it was never easier! You can do so on <a href="https://ko-fi.com/jaycwells"><b>Ko-fi</b></a><b> </b>and<b> <a href="https://www.patreon.com/jaycwells">Patreon</a></b> or by (re-)joining Medium with my referral <a href="https://medium.com/@jaycwells/membership"><b>link</b></a>. It is only a small payment for you, but a big step for humanity. (Pinky promise!)</i></p><p id="051c"><i>If you join Medium with my referral link, you can enjoy all my <a href="https://medium.com/@jaycwells/list/all-of-my-fiction-98579ae599f2"><b>fictional tales</b></a><b> </b>and those of other writers</i>. <i>Subscribe to my <a href="https://medium.com/@jaycwells/subscribe"><b>email list</b></a> and never miss another fantastic story!</i></p></article></body>

BREAKING NEWS

Swedish Scientists Reveal the Pros and Cons of The Pub

Follower alert: Smillew Rahcuef reaches 2,457 followers

Screenshot by the author

Thursday, 13 April 2023, Prague, NB. To honour Smillew Rahcuef reaching 2,457 followers, The Kraken News shines a light on the crypto billionaire and philanthropist’s most significant achievement — The Pub. We’ll use Smillew’s favourite format — the listicle — for this celebratory story after extending the read time by 12 seconds with a picture.

A rare look into The Pub’s editors’ lounge / Photo by Mary Rebecca Elliott on Unsplash

The Pros

№1 — The Pub is home to several boosted stories

Smillew has a knack for attracting talent. That is how he lured two boosted writers — Ben Ulansey and Janice Harayda — into The Pub. Read their boosted stories here via links shamelessly copied from Smillew’s story listed under №3.

(Boost 1, Boost 2, Boost 3).

№2 — The Pub teaches you how to make money on Medium

Do you want to know why I shamelessly copied Smillew’s links under №1 and still sleep soundly at night? Find the answer in this linked article. It doesn’t stop there. Smillew has more advice for writers who can’t or don’t want to earn with AI-written content or terrible self-help advice.

№3 — The Pub got a trophy from Medium CEO Toby Satirebine

The big boss walked down the busy road to The Pub and bribed his way past Grandma Smillew with a hot cup of cocoa to personally deliver the 500-followers-trophy to Smillew. Rumour has it that Smillew has a direct link to Trainer Toby.

№5 — The Pub warns you about bad listicles

Smillew Rahcuef is an expert on listicles and has previously warned that listicle writers like to ignore №4 on their list. To save you from bad listicles, Smillew prepares a regular service announcement warning about … Yes! You are right! … bad listicles.

Actually, none of the linked stories appeared in The Pub, but we learned from Smillew that listicle writers are lazy and shameless (and write too long listicles like this one. Duh!)

№6 — The Pub is run by a philanthropist

Like his beloved Grandma, who takes time to talk about life’s challenges with May More 💜 Tales on the 32nd of each month, Smillew likes to spread love. He is such a giver that he doesn’t mind if you promote your own story in a story about him. Also, despite all his success, he is still creating and not just talking about creating.

№7 — Everyone gets a shot at The Pub

The Pub is an equal-opportunity pub. Even the lamest writers get a chance here. If you don’t believe me, check this haiku about fruit flies.

№8 — The Pub lets you start every unnecessary subtitle with precisely the same two words, except №7

It is true! The Pub is not only the home of boosted stories but a safe harbour for lazy listicles like this one! You can shamelessly repeat yourself in №7 and №8! (You can also make excessive use of exclamation marks!!!!)

№9 — The Pub lets you use …, and [] as well as () as much as you like

Oh, yes … it is true! (They really do!) It is [redacted] unbelievable!

№10 — The Pub predicted Twitter’s descent into chaos

Rumour has it Smillew’s famous hat was once the property of Nostradamus and gifts him the power for foresight. If you are fed up with Twitter, Smillew has a solution.

№11 — The Pub pays you for writing

Impossible? Nothing is impossible in The Pub! Reread №6! Smillew is a philanthropist who’ll pay your stories with the cryptocurrency that made him rich — Smillewcoins!

Advertisement: Smillewcoins! The currency of trust! Invest in a better future now. Invest in Smillewcoins! Trust in the Smillew Trust. Smillewcoins, the investment you can trust!

№12 — The Pub hired Grandma Smillew as an editor

Few people had a lasting impact on Smillew’s life, like his Grandma. The loving Grande Dame of Medium taught Smillew to be a better human and approach life with gratefulness. Smillew created The Pub for his Grandma, who was rejected as a misfit by many publications in her youth, to show his gratitude.

The Cons

№1 — The Pub has ridiculously tough submission rules

The Pub has ridiculously tough submission rules but lets you repeat headlines in the main text.

№2 — The Pub gives everyone a chance

It is a blessing and a curse. Even the lamest writers get a chance here. If you don’t believe me, check this haiku about fruit flies. At least, The Pub lets you repeat the Pros as Cons to extend read time shamelessly.

We at The Kraken News thank Smillew for his community service and wish him all the best on his way to 3,000 followers! Go ahead and celebrate with Smillew by clapping for him once. This is your chance to win a picture of his Vintage Toilet Paper Rolls.

Breaking News:

Medium Promises to Take Measures Against Terrible Listicles

In Other News:

A Local Couple’s Extraordinary Love Story by nothing-is-as-it-seems correspondent Bradan Writes Stories

13 Terrible Ideas to Make Sports Fun by couch potato correspondent Mark Suroviec, M.Ed.

About The Kraken News — Writing Prompt by Bradan Writes Stories

💯 Story Challenge — News Edition (80/100)

Do you want to support great journalism? Then, go and pay for The Guardian!

You can, however, support me in writing more nonsense like this, and it was never easier! You can do so on Ko-fi and Patreon or by (re-)joining Medium with my referral link. It is only a small payment for you, but a big step for humanity. (Pinky promise!)

If you join Medium with my referral link, you can enjoy all my fictional tales and those of other writers. Subscribe to my email list and never miss another fantastic story!

Satire
Humor
Kraken News
Smillew Is Love
Long Live Grandma Smillew
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