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Abstract

="5bf8">What <a href="undefined">Eric Filipkowski</a> really want is to write about Timothée Chalamet all the time.</p><p id="f6cb">But he’s too shy.</p><p id="053b">So, he writes listicles and adds anecdotes about Timothée Chalamet’s life everywhere.</p><p id="c315">You can do this, Eric. I trust you. Stop listicles and show us your love for Timothée Chalamet.</p><div id="8612" class="link-block"> <a href="https://ericfilipkowski.medium.com/cv-six-iphone-apps-that-every-iphone-should-have-e495389f125f"> <div> <div> <h2>Six iPhone Apps that every iPhone should have!</h2> <div><h3>If any of these are missing, something is wrong.</h3></div> <div><p>ericfilipkowski.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*8m84IDimrN7NZX3M9a9r9Q.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h1 id="8feb">#4 — The listicle you would rather not know existed: the dicksticle</h1><p id="2747"><a href="undefined">Zatanna Dark</a> writes dark tales. That shouldn’t come as a surprise for anyone who has read any of her articles. But she went one step deeper in the darkness and wrote a dicksticle.</p><p id="2746">Hopefully, this was a one-time thing because I won’t survive another.</p><div id="19dd" class="link-block"> <a href="https://redemptionmagazine.com/the-reasons-i-dont-like-your-cock-ecacdebdef3a"> <div> <div> <h2>The Reasons I Don’t Like Your Cock</h2> <div><h3>Sorry dude — but it isn’t Impressive at all</h3></div> <div><p>redemptionmagazine.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*ujexLzuQB061o6Vfasau2g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h1 id="0ef7">#5 — A new concept we should throw directly into the garbage: the smisticle</h1><p id="c25b"><a href="undefined">Ann James</a> is a talented multi-faceted writer, and it might be only fair that she should be allowed to write ONE listicle. But please, please, tell me your username doesn’t mean you plan on writing 20,427 listicles. It’s a postal code, right?</p><p id="b307">Right?</p><div id="fe39" class="link-block"> <a href="https://annjames-20427.medium.com/smisticles-lightly-used-and-returned-to-the-rightful-owner-gemma-cfd6dcef304d"> <div> <div> <h2>‘smisticles’ — lightly used and returned to the rightful owner, Gemma</h2> <div><h3>but lucy furr wants to walk anyway, even though we hiked for 90 miles yesterday in the mud and snow and ice</h3></div> <div><p>annjames-20427.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*v5iqmmnDO_YYffhf)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><h1 id="b6d8">#6 — The heresy: a listicle without numbers</h1><p id="4193"><a href="undefined">Tejaswini Katreddy</a> is on her way to becoming a real writer, as her latest (and maybe last) listicle shows. She didn’t forget to use numbers. It was her subconscious who took control and showed her she was ready to go to writing next level.</p><div id="bc61" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/10-things-to-ponder-before-your-next-shower-e59e9c3a026f"> <div> <div>

Options

          <h2>10 Things to Ponder Before Your Next Shower</h2>
            <div><h3>Yo stinky ass, did ya take a shower today?</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*SnLvUoAhCcQz4b8Lz0Pw2g.jpeg)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><h1 id="b237">#7 — A first and a last listicle</h1><p id="8a62"><a href="undefined">Carlo Zeno</a> said it himself; it was a botched attempt. But according to rumors, if you read it, your next Medium article has three times more chances to become viral.</p><p id="06e5">Your choice.</p><div id="b8bb" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://readmedium.com/top-writers-ten-commandments-6eb8865ad36d">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>Top Writer’s Ten Commandments</h2>
            <div><h3>Hard Knocks School of Success</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*zETz6xoW4GtQoLTZjMHoxA.jpeg)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><h1 id="ffeb">#8 — OK, my bad, this one was funny</h1><p id="3a4c">Is it because I’m secretly in love with a writer living in North Carolina, or simply because I love to masturbate? (I even <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-masturbated-in-the-metaverse-96236c0472eb">masturbated in the metaverse</a>.) I don’t know. But <a href="undefined">Hewlett Patterson Linkwater</a>’s listicle was brilliant.</p><div id="b459" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://muddyum.net/best-places-to-masturbate-in-asheville-north-carolina-f91136103f3e">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>Best Places to Masturbate in Asheville North Carolina</h2>
            <div><h3>Wanking off the beaten path</h3></div>
            <div><p>muddyum.net</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*30aUhK4di_lpWRCK)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><p id="2805"><b>Previously on “writers who should stop writing listicles”.</b></p><div id="d07f" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://readmedium.com/10-writers-who-should-stop-writing-listicles-a0cc75a45242">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>10 Writers Who Should Stop Writing Listicles</h2>
            <div><h3>They are not the only ones</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*6GTVro_Z9Ts8_JhfKWXsXQ.png)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><p id="89cc">And remember, if you want to see your name in the follow-up article <b>17 Even More Writers Who Should Stop Writing Listicles</b>, drop a link to your worst listicle in the comments.</p><p id="5591"><i>Smillew is a listicle writer⁴², blah-blah-blah, <a href="https://medium.com/membership/@smillewrahcuef">use my referral link</a>, buy me <a href="https://ko-fi.com/smillew">a coffee</a>, but I’ll drink vodka instead — hahaha very funny, send me money, <a href="https://smillew.substack.com/">subscribe to my newsletter</a> so that I can ask you to send me money, buy my course(s) so that I can pretend I gave you some value in exchange for your money, blah-blah-blah.</i></p></article></body>

Please stop

8 More Writers Who Should Stop Writing Listicles

Like yesterday

Photo of the author, stopping more listicles, by Guilherme Stecanella on Unsplash

This article is part II of my public service announcement regarding listicles. Readers of the first part were kind enough to share with me the worst listicles they had ever read.

My goal isn’t to shame the writers for their listicles. We have all been there. Falling for the listicle trap is a perfectly normal step in the online writer’s life.

But at one point, you have to stop and move on to some higher tier of writing. Do you see big names like Tim Denning or popular publications like The Startup publishing listicles?

Source: Medium — screenshot rights purchased from author’s Grandma

These 8 writers should learn from the best and stop writing listicles immediately.

#1 — The worst offender: a listicle about Medium

There’s nothing to add. Sieran Lane is guilty of the ultimate “bad mojo combo.” The only thing redeeming him (a bit) is the cute cat he used as his main picture.

An Unconventional List of Medium Pet Peeves

Do you hate these too?

medium.com

#2 — Close second: the listicle hiding under the pretense of journalism

Jay C Wells, (in)famous reporter for the Kraken News, was reporting from Dublin when he wrote a listicle instead of a news article. We contacted him over the phone, and he admitted his editors shouldn’t let him publish low-value content, but “they were drunk and busy playing D&D as usual.”

Breaking News: Famous Listicle Writer Runs Out of Ideas

Here are the reasons why

medium.com

#3 — The shy listicle

What Eric Filipkowski really want is to write about Timothée Chalamet all the time.

But he’s too shy.

So, he writes listicles and adds anecdotes about Timothée Chalamet’s life everywhere.

You can do this, Eric. I trust you. Stop listicles and show us your love for Timothée Chalamet.

Six iPhone Apps that every iPhone should have!

If any of these are missing, something is wrong.

ericfilipkowski.medium.com

#4 — The listicle you would rather not know existed: the dicksticle

Zatanna Dark writes dark tales. That shouldn’t come as a surprise for anyone who has read any of her articles. But she went one step deeper in the darkness and wrote a dicksticle.

Hopefully, this was a one-time thing because I won’t survive another.

The Reasons I Don’t Like Your Cock

Sorry dude — but it isn’t Impressive at all

redemptionmagazine.com

#5 — A new concept we should throw directly into the garbage: the smisticle

Ann James is a talented multi-faceted writer, and it might be only fair that she should be allowed to write ONE listicle. But please, please, tell me your username doesn’t mean you plan on writing 20,427 listicles. It’s a postal code, right?

Right?

‘smisticles’ — lightly used and returned to the rightful owner, Gemma

but lucy furr wants to walk anyway, even though we hiked for 90 miles yesterday in the mud and snow and ice

annjames-20427.medium.com

#6 — The heresy: a listicle without numbers

Tejaswini Katreddy is on her way to becoming a real writer, as her latest (and maybe last) listicle shows. She didn’t forget to use numbers. It was her subconscious who took control and showed her she was ready to go to writing next level.

10 Things to Ponder Before Your Next Shower

Yo stinky ass, did ya take a shower today?

medium.com

#7 — A first and a last listicle

Carlo Zeno said it himself; it was a botched attempt. But according to rumors, if you read it, your next Medium article has three times more chances to become viral.

Your choice.

Top Writer’s Ten Commandments

Hard Knocks School of Success

medium.com

#8 — OK, my bad, this one was funny

Is it because I’m secretly in love with a writer living in North Carolina, or simply because I love to masturbate? (I even masturbated in the metaverse.) I don’t know. But Hewlett Patterson Linkwater’s listicle was brilliant.

Best Places to Masturbate in Asheville North Carolina

Wanking off the beaten path

muddyum.net

Previously on “writers who should stop writing listicles”.

10 Writers Who Should Stop Writing Listicles

They are not the only ones

medium.com

And remember, if you want to see your name in the follow-up article 17 Even More Writers Who Should Stop Writing Listicles, drop a link to your worst listicle in the comments.

Smillew is a listicle writer⁴², blah-blah-blah, use my referral link, buy me a coffee, but I’ll drink vodka instead — hahaha very funny, send me money, subscribe to my newsletter so that I can ask you to send me money, buy my course(s) so that I can pretend I gave you some value in exchange for your money, blah-blah-blah.