THE TWIT SPEAKS

A New Challenger to Twitter — Smillewitter

Move away, Mastodon; it’s extinction time.

Today, Smillew LLC is launching Smillewitter to help our readers, writers, and financial contributors find a way to give us more money.

Smillewitter is the eagerly awaited alternative to Twitter and much better than the massive loser Mastodon.

Smillewitter will soon be a major player in the social media landscape, with a valuation forecast to reach one trillion #SmillewCoins by 2025.

We think the mission of Smillew LLC — to help Smillew get richer — is more than a mission; it’s a transcendental journey. So far, we have focused on getting referred members and cups of coffee. It’s how we bought our Grandma new dentures, but it’s time for us to think in a different order of magnitude.

Innovation is deep into Smillewitter’s DNA. You will have access to ChatSmillew (writing), MidSmillew (pictures), and CodSmillew (coding) and be able to pay for everything in #SmillewCoins.

That’s just the beginning.

Among others, we will soon add PizzaSmillew (pizza), BananaSmillew (banana), and TopHatSmillew (top hat seminars). In the future, we will add new mind-blowing features as fast as we can copy them from our competitors.

Our goal is for Smillewitter to be a cash cow for Smillew.

To that end:

• If you’re a RICH member of the SmillewVerse, we have already created an account for you on Smillewitter.
• If you’re likely to send us money in exchange for nothing, you will automatically receive an invitation to join in the coming days.
• If you’re not on our radar and are not a penniless loser, you can sign up for the waiting list here.

We look forward to having you on board for this new Smillew Adventure. Of course, there are always tricky waters to navigate at the beginning of a journey, but you can count on us to do our best to get as much money from you as legally possible. (Disclaimer: By “legally,” we mean that which a court will judge acceptable if we employ a kickass lawyer like Rachel A Fefer.)

If you want to know more, we have created a list of the best ways to give Smillew money.

We’re waiting for you and your money on the other side of the counter at the #SmillewBank.

If you have questions or complaints, leave a comment here, we won’t read it, but it will make you feel better.

Last-minute edit. According to the renowned independent journalist Jay C Wells, Elon Musk is already reacting to our move:

And after Mastodon, Medium is expected to join Smillewitter in the coming days:

If you think Smillewitter is a ludicrous idea, well, I can only answer you in the great words of Patrick Eades: