Rub Out These 7 Masturbation Myths for Healthy Self-Pleasure
Rid yourself of destructive beliefs to enhance the masturbation experience
Although you may not buy into the old wives’ tales about masturbation causing things like blindness and hairy palms, it doesn’t mean your beliefs about masturbation are necessarily healthy — or even true. I spoke to some sex and relationship experts about masturbation myths that still persist and here are the ideas they warned me we should revisit and replace.
“If We Masturbate, It Means We’re Not Satisfied With Our Sex Life”
Often this criticism falls on the shoulders of the partner who isn’t masturbating, as they assume that they aren’t able to satisfy their partner in bed, or that their partner isn’t attracted to them enough to feel satisfied. What we now know, however, is that this simply isn’t true. People masturbate in committed relationships for all sorts of reasons, whether it’s to accommodate a higher libido, function as a form of self-care or release, explore fantasy, or simply — and very importantly — because it is healthy, and they want to. Masturbation is as important and natural as partnered sex. In order for your sex life to flourish, it’s crucial that both people in a relationship understand that partnered intimacy does not replace the need for solo intimacy — no matter how devoted you are to your significant other. What matters is that we embrace our partner’s need to explore solo intimacy, that we give them respect and privacy, and that we empower them to fulfill their needs both with and without us. We don’t shame them for exploring solo pleasure, and we certainly don’t take it as a personal attack or a critique of how we are in bed, because masturbation is not about the partnership — it’s about the individual.
-Mia Sabat, in-house certified sex therapist at Emjoy
“Sometimes lovers find that mutual masturbation can enhance their intimacy and make partnered sex more fulfilling and fun.” — Searah Deysach
“Masturbation Will Ruin My Genitals for My Partner”
We like to control people’s sexual expression, especially women, and discouraging masturbation keeps the narrative that sex between two people is the only valid kind of sex. People fear that if one is using sex toys that they will no longer enjoy sex with a partner, or masturbation will prevent you from being able to have someone else give you an orgasm. There is fear that if one uses a vibrator that they will no longer even want to have sex with a partner again.
The truth is someone can use vibrators, big dildos, porn, or erotica when masturbating and still have fulfilling, super pleasurable sex with a partner. Our bodies are very elastic and able to enjoy a wide range of sensations. Masturbation is about enjoying your body without worrying about someone else’s needs or desires. It is about exploring on your own sensations that you may later bring into partnered play or that you may keep to yourself.
-Searah Deysach, Sex Educator and Owner of feminist sex shop Early to Bed
“Masturbation is quite literally one of the best resources for tapping into our bodies’ own natural healing potential.” — Megwyn White
“When My Partner Masturbates, It’s Like They’re Cheating on Me”
Often one partner will accuse the other of cheating if they watch porn and masturbate. What’s happening is their feelings are hurt because they interpret the porn as meaning that their partner doesn’t desire them. They say to their partner, “Why are you doing that — I’m here for you,” and they feel rejected.
It’s easy to confuse your partner’s fantasies with their feelings. You may think, “If my wife likes to imagine having sex with Chris Pratt when she masturbates, that means that I’m not enough for her.” In reality, her fantasy has nothing to do with how she feels about you. The fact that your partner masturbates and thinks about someone other than you doesn’t make him or her disloyal — it just makes them normal.
-Psychotherapist Jacob Brown
“My Health Doesn’t Benefit From Masturbation”
Many people are simply unaware of the health benefits of masturbation and often think it’s only meant for us to feel good in the moment. But masturbation has many benefits, including supporting neural connections within the brain and body, which can actually help an individual orgasm with a partner, as well as increased tone to pelvic floor muscles — which are necessary for continence, increased circulation to the entire body — improved emotional effects including self-esteem and confidence, easier periods, improved sleep, and relief from anxiety. Studies have also pointed to the benefits it has on potentially strengthening the immune system. With orgasm also comes the release of DHEA, a natural anti-aging hormone that supports everything from brain health to the appearance of your skin. Lastly, orgasms are associated with longevity and have been proven to help you live longer with a 50 percent reduction in overall mortality. Masturbation is quite literally one of the best resources for tapping into our bodies’ own natural healing potential.
-Megwyn White, Certified Clinical Sexologist and Director of Education for Satisfyer
“It’s easy to confuse your partner’s fantasies with their feelings.” — Jacob Brown
“If I Masturbate, My Sex Drive Will Be Ruined”
This is one of the myths that has been around for a long time. People may have been told this as a way of deterring them from masturbating, with the threat of some long-term consequence. The truth is that one’s sex drive changes throughout their lifetimes and has nothing to do with how often they masturbate.
-Dr. Susan Milstein, MCHES, Lead Consultant at Milstein Health Consulting and author of Human Sexuality: Making Informed Decisions*
“I’m in a Relationship, So I Don’t Need to Masturbate”
In our culture, we see partnered sex as real sex and solo pleasure as something to be done as a substitute for real sex when you can’t get any. Movies and media rehash this tired trope over and over by using masturbation as a punchline. However, folks who are partnered, folks who have active sex lives, folks who have never had sex with another person before, and all other folks masturbate. It is completely normal for anyone to masturbate as it is an easy, healthy way to release sexual tension and feel good. Sometimes lovers find that mutual masturbation can enhance their intimacy and make partnered sex more fulfilling and fun.
-Searah Deysach, Sex Educator and Owner of feminist sex shop Early to Bed
“I Can’t Masturbate in the Presence of My Partner”
Many think that masturbation only happens when a person is alone. The problem with this myth is that it upholds the outdated idea that masturbation is dirty, and needs to be hidden away. In reality, masturbation is completely natural and simply another way to experience pleasure — and it can be extremely enjoyable to experience with others. Mutual masturbation is a fantastic form on non-penetrative sex: It can help you learn more about your partner’s preferences, help you to experiment with foreplay, and encourage you to find new ways of exploring partnered pleasure.
-Mia Sabat, in-house certified sex therapist at Emjoy
*This article contains affiliate links.
More from Kiki Wellington: