5 Reasons Masturbation Is an Expression of Love
Why self-love is also a partner-loving act
We know that masturbation is a way to show love to ourselves. It gives us pleasure, helps us get to know what we enjoy sexually, relieves stress, and even helps us sleep better. But the advantages do not end with the personal benefits we gain from engaging in this form of self-love — they also extend to our partners in numerous ways. In fact, masturbation is a great way for us to express our love for our partners. The following are five reasons why the gift of pleasure to yourself is also a gift to the one you love.
Learning Your Own Pleasure
If you’ve ever felt frustration when trying to please someone sexually, you probably would have appreciated a roadmap on how to do it, rather than fumbling around in the dark with no direction whatsoever. Masturbation can help you avoid putting your partner on that lonely road to nowhere because the more you know about what you like, the more you can tell your partner how to please you.
“It’s important to understand that masturbation and its ability to benefit a relationship is a two-way street….” — Mia Sabat
“By touching yourself, you are caring for yourself and tending to your need for pleasure, which will funnel back into your relationship,” said sex educator Amy Baldwin, Co-Host of the Shameless Sex Podcast. “In turn, we can have a better understanding of how our partners can pleasure us. Your partner isn’t psychic, and without proper guidance they may not understand your body. Masturbation allows you to teach them exactly what feels good to you. Once you’ve spent some time in self-exploration and have a better idea of what works for you, you can then ask your partner to touch you the same way you touch yourself.”
Improving Communication
It may seem like a strange reason to masturbate, however, giving yourself pleasure can go a long way toward improving the communication in your relationship. The reason, according to Caitlin V. Neal, resident sexologist at Royal, is because when tension is released from our bodies as we pleasure ourselves, it can make us feel less agitated and this stress relief helps to improve our communication.
“Having orgasms can decrease tension in our body and mind,” Neal explained. “Sexual release is one of the best ways to instantly change our state from one of agitation to relaxation, so before having a conversation about a contentious topic, try masturbating first.”
“Before having a conversation about a contentious topic, try masturbating first.” — Caitlin V. Neal
Being a Supportive Partner
Just as exploring your self-pleasure can be a loving act toward your partner, encouraging them to masturbate and explore their own pleasure is also a way to express your love because it’s respectful, kind, and supportive.
“It’s important to understand that masturbation and its ability to benefit a relationship is a two-way street: Both partners deserve the same level of support,” said Mia Sabat, in-house certified sex therapist at Emjoy. “Letting your partner know that you value their alone time, boundaries, and self-pleasure experiences is one of the best ways you can express love to your partner. Letting your partner have the freedom to engage with self-pleasure upholds the ideals of a healthy relationship and enforces the idea that their sexuality is still their own — and that they can own it, even in a committed relationship. It reminds your partner that their sexuality goes beyond another person, and that you support their decision to conduct their sexual experiences, based on their needs and desires.”
Taking the Pressure Off
When you masturbate, you can take the pressure off of your partner in a few ways, says psychotherapist Jacob Brown. Whether you have different sex drives or sexual interests, masturbation can be a way to explore what you want without your partner feeling pressured to participate.
“People masturbate. Why not do it together?” — Susan Bratton
“If one partner wants sex more frequently than the other, then masturbation takes some of the pressure off the partner for sex and avoids arguments that may damage the relationship,” Brown said. “Also, one partner may have sexual fantasies that the other partner isn’t into. Masturbating gives the person a way to experience their fantasies without trying to put their partner into behavior they might find uncomfortable.”
Increasing Intimacy
Whether you masturbate alone or together, it can be a great way to bond partners to each other. Giving your partner the privacy to masturbate alone, or sharing masturbation together, can go a long way toward bringing you closer together as a couple.
“If someone doesn’t have to hide their masturbation practice and is encouraged by their partner, the lowering of shame or guilt improves the benefits of orgasm. Giving your partner the time and privacy to masturbate can add to your overall sex life. Acknowledging the need to masturbate is a healthy sex practice,” intimacy expert Susan Bratton said. “And mutual masturbation is a wonderful way to generate turn on together while relaxing. The vulnerability of masturbating in front of your partner can bind you closer together. Acknowledging that you masturbate, and being willing to do it in front of your partner, is both deeply intimate and rational. People masturbate. Why not do it together? You don’t always have to have partnered sex. Sometimes you can just knock off an orgasm yourself.”
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