Common Reasons People Fake Orgasms
From insecurity to wanting a sexual encounter to end, research explains numerous reasons for faking it
Although we like to assume that we’re consistently pleasing our partner, obviously that’s not always the case. But oftentimes we may not know this because our partner is giving us a sexual performance that makes us think we did deliver the pleasure they wanted. Faking orgasms is nothing new, and research shows that 58.8 percent of women have felt the need to fake an orgasm at some point in their sex lives.
Why do they do it? According to the Faking Orgasm Scale for Women, or FOS, which was published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, the reasons for faking orgasms can be placed into four broad categories:
- Altruistic deceit: When someone fakes an orgasm so they won’t hurt their partner’s feelings.
- Fear and Insecurity: Faking an orgasm to avoid negative feelings that may come up during sex.
- Elevated Arousal: When a woman fakes in the hopes that she will actually become more aroused.
- Sexual Adjournment: Faking an orgasm to get the sex over with already.
These categories shed light on the common themes of orgasm faking, but they don’t tell the whole story. Within each one, the FOS also found much more specific reasons that women fake orgasms. The following are some of the most cited in each category.
Altruistic Deceit
- So their partner doesn’t feel inadequate if they don’t have a real orgasm
- To make their partner happy
- So their partner doesn’t feel guilty if they don’t have a real orgasm
- So their partner will feel successful
- Because their partner would be happier if they had an orgasm during sexual intercourse
- To give their partner an ego boost
- So their partner isn’t ashamed if they don’t have a real orgasm
Fear and Insecurity
- Because they think there may be something wrong with them if they don’t orgasm
- Because they are ashamed they can’t reach orgasm
- Because their partner might think there is something wrong with them if they don’t orgasm
- To avoid feeling badly about themselves if they don’t have a real orgasm
- Because they are afraid they can’t reach orgasm
- To avoid having bad feelings about their sexual or gynecological health
- Because that’s what they think people do when experiencing orgasm
Elevated Arousal
- To turn themselves on
- To increase their own interest in the sexual experience
- Because they think it is fun
- To increase the excitement of their sexual experience
- To increase their own arousal during sexual intercourse
- Because they think it’s sexy
- To increase the intensity of the sex act
Sexual Adjournment
- Because they simply aren’t enjoying themselves
- Because they want to stop sex but want to avoid their partner feeling uncomfortable in the future
- Because they want to go to sleep
Men Fake It Too
Although the over-the-top performances in porn and movies like When Harry Met Sally can make us believe that all the faking in the bedroom is done by women, this simply isn’t the case. Men also fake orgasms and according to research in Sexual and Relationship Therapy, they fake orgasms almost 30 percent of the time.
In the study, 230 men — aged 18 to 29 — who admitted to faking orgasms reported that they will put on an orgasm performance during various sex acts. The breakdown was:
- Penile-vaginal intercourse (71 percent)
- Oral sex (27.4 percent)
- Anal intercourse (21.7 percent)
- Manual stimulation by a partner (17.8 percent)
- Being stimulated with a sex toy by a partner (4.8 percent)
Researchers found the most common reasons that men fake orgasms are:
- Partner self-esteem
- Timing
- Intoxication
- Desireless sex
- Improve sex
- Insecurity
- Poor sex/partner
Although it may seem like all of this faking can cause people to be unhappy in their relationships, according to study authors Léa J. Séguin and Robin R. Milhausen, men are actually pretending to have orgasms because they’re happy in their relationships.
“Men who often pretend orgasm with their partner may be motivated to do so for their partner’s sake, which ultimately may be motivated by their happiness or satisfaction with their relationship,” Séguin and Milhausen explained.
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Sources:
Cooper, E., Fenigstein, A., and Fauber, R. (2013, December 18). The Faking Orgasm Scale for Women: Psychometric Properties. Archives of Sexual Behavior. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259353049_The_Faking_Orgasm_Scale_for_Women_Psychometric_Properties
Dolan, E. (2016, April 12). New study explains why some men fake orgasms. PsyPost. https://www.psypost.org/2016/04/new-study-explains-men-fake-orgasms-42261
Herbenick, D., Eastman-Mueller, H., Fu, T.C., Dodge, B., Ponander, K., Sanders, S.A. (2019, November). Women’s Sexual Satisfaction, Communication, and Reasons for (No Longer) Faking Orgasm: Findings from a U.S. Probability Sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31502071/
Jio, S. and Del Russo, M. (2020, July 7). 14 Surprising Facts About Female Orgasms You Really Want to Know. Woman’s Day. https://www.womansday.com/relationships/sex-tips/a5144/10-surprising-facts-about-orgasms-111985/
Séguin, L. and Milhausen, R. (2016, March 16). Not all fakes are created equal: examining the relationships between men’s motives for pretending orgasm and levels of sexual desire, and relationship and sexual satisfaction. Sexual and Relationship Therapy. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/307956683_Not_all_fakes_are_created_equal_Examining_the_relationships_between_men%27s_motives_for_pretending_orgasm_and_sexual_desire_and_relationship_and_sexual_satisfaction
Weiss, S. (2016, April 19). Here’s How Many Men Fake Orgasms. Glamour. https://www.glamour.com/story/men-faking-orgasms
