Not-So-Smooth Criminals: 5 Cases of Sex Toy Theft Gone Wrong

The lube didn’t stick, but the charges did

There have been instances of successful sex toy heists where bandits have, in some cases, gotten away with several thousands of dollars of erotic pleasure. But not all criminals who try to steal sex toys are smooth enough to do the deed successfully. In fact, oftentimes these petty thieves get busted almost immediately. Here are five cases of bumbled sex toy thefts that ended in more legal pain that lusty pleasure.

A Horrible Job

What’s the first thing you want to do when you steal a $59.95 sex toy? Try it out of course! And that’s exactly what 23-year-old LeAnn Frauens did. Unfortunately, she applied for a job at the store before doing it. And thanks to the fact that she so readily handed over her name, phone number, and address, the store had no problem telling the police where to find her when they realized what she had done. When confronted by police, Frauens claimed she was too drunk to remember the theft, but she had used the vibrator, which she placed in a paper bag. “I noted the device appeared to have been used and not cleaned and did not remove it from the bag,” the officer wrote in the report.

The Cure for Infidelity

When Ashton Barton got busted for stealing a Durex Play Ring of Bliss* from CVS, she had a good reason for needing to take the sex toy — commitment to her marital vows. According to her, after only two years of marriage, her sex life with her husband was nonexistent and she “would rather do this than be unfaithful.” Unfortunately, Barton did “this” quite a bit and had previous arrests for bad checks and forgery — which meant the theft of a $15 sex toy led to a $2,000 bond.

“I noted the device appeared to have been used and not cleaned and did not remove it from the bag.”

Lusty Legal Lethargy

Whether you want to buy sex toys to use with a partner or to self-serve, picking the right ones can seem like a lot of work. So much so that you may be way too tired to pay for them after you’ve made your selection. This was the problem Therasa Prine had when she stole a variety of adult products from a Walmart. When she was busted, she claimed that she was just feeling “too lazy” to pay for her pleasure — which included a Trojan Ultra Touch personal massager, a LifeStyles vibrating ring, and K-Y Intense Arousal Gel — even though she had enough energy to pay for the other merchandise she was caught with. Luckily, she was able to catch up on her rest as she sat in a jail cell for a while before being released on a $4,250 bond.

Butt Plug Bandit

Sometimes you just need a butt plug and a fake vagina to take care of your business. But what do you do if you’re a little bit too shy to admit that to a cashier? If you’re mechanic Christopher Masters, you have a quick fix for this dilemma: You steal them. And so he put the sex toys down his khaki shorts and got busted. Masters claimed that although “he had enough money on him” to pay for the $29.98 toys, “he was too embarrassed to pay for them because they were sex toys.” Although he’s most likely even more embarrassed about being arrested for this caper gone wrong, he indeed did pay his $500 bond.

Till Theft Do Us Part

It was the thing that fairy-tale romance is made of: After buying his girlfriend a $29.62 engagement ring at Walmart, William Cornelius with stars in his eyes asked for permission to pop the question over the store’s loudspeaker system. They granted his romantic wish and Sheri Moore happily accepted his proposal as other shoppers clapped their congratulations. In order to celebrate their engagement, the happy couple promptly went to Spencer’s, where they stole multiple adult items — including a vibrator, an edible thong, and BJ Blast oral sex candy. The pair was found and apprehended in the mall, which wasn’t difficult because Cornelius was caught nodding off at a table in the food court.

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Sources:

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