Why Being Angry Makes You Angrier

State-dependent memory: How it impacts our emotions & communication

Happy World Autism Day

A little aside before I move on to state-dependent memory

Historically, world autism day (and autism awareness month) have been about fear-mongering and “warning” people about autism, beseeching parents to “watch out” for the scary signs of autism in their children.

These misinformation campaigns are more about selling “early interventions” (aka harmful behaviourism-based practices) than genuine concern for children’s wellbeing.

If it were, these organizations would be increasing awareness about Autistic communication, sensory needs, and autism acceptance. This is why Autistic self-advocates are taking back the messaging around autism, doing what organizations who claimed to represent us should have been doing all along.

Move over, “autism speaks” and similar allistic-led groups who speak over us, instead of for us and with us. These so-called charities have long become obsolete and their operations are harmful to the Autistic community.

For world autism day, autism awareness month, and all year long, please help Autistic self-advocates spread accurate, helpful information borne from our lived experiences, rather than harmful misinformation perpetuated by hateful anti-Autistic organizations.

Thanks!

State-dependent memory

Ever notice that when you’re angry, you start to remember and think about all the other times you were angry, or all the other things that have made you feel angry?

Likewise, when you’re sad, suddenly your mind turns to other events which have made you feel sad?

This is due to a psychological phenomenon called state-dependent memory. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines state-dependent memory as,

“a condition in which memory for a past event is improved when the person is in the same biological or psychological state as when the memory was initially formed.” — The American Psychological Association

You may also have noticed that when people become dysregulated (scared, mad, upset, etc.), they tend to recycle or rehearse the same (or very similar) messaging or phrasing each time they are feeling that way.

This may be especially true for Autistic folks and people who struggle to communicate verbally when dysregulated.

Scripting

This is, in part, because many Autistics use scripting to facilitate verbal communication. Scripting is repeating back speech, or using lines that we have heard or read in other places.

When under stress, we’re more likely to revert to familiar patterns of behaviour and communication. If an Autistic person is dysregulated and struggling to explain what they are experiencing, they may repeat words or phrases from past events which evoked similar emotions.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that particular event is what’s upsetting them, it may be* what their mind grabbed hold of when searching for a way to express their feelings.

Important note: *each individual experience is different, so it’s important to honour other’s communication and individual expression.

It takes patience and time

It may help to offer alternative forms of communication. Some people prefer to communicate by text/typing, sign language, writing, AAC, etc.

It’s also very important to give people time. Time to process, time to think, and time to regulate. Some Autistics struggle with alexithymia, causing difficulty identifying and naming feelings.

This does not mean we’re not experiencing intense emotions, it means we may need to take more time and effort to understand the ourselves before we can explain our internal experiences to others.

Please be patient and allow people time and space to gather their thoughts and time to figure out how to communicate what they want to express.

What works best for you when you’re dysregulated and struggling to express yourself?

What works for me

I definitely need time to regulate and process before I’m able to effectively communicate. I also sometimes use my writing to help me process my thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes moving away from confusing emotions or thoughts that we’re struggling to make sense of can help us regulate and then return to the issue with clearer perspective.

Some folks really struggle with the discomfort of sitting with feelings, or allowing people the time to process their feelings, and want to jump right to problem-solving.

While this may work for some, it can really add to the stress and confusion for others.

There’s no “correct” way to process our feelings, and it’s important to respect one another’s differing needs.

What works best for you when you’re dysregulated and struggling to express yourself?

© Jillian Enright, Neurodiversity MB

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References

Desautels, L. (2023). Intentional Neuroplasticity: Moving our nervous systems and educational system toward post-traumatic growth. Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing.

Goodall, E., & Brownlow, C. (2022). Interoception and Regulation: Teaching skills of body awareness and supporting connection with others. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Kotowicz, Annie. (2022). What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic: Unpuzzling life on the Autism spectrum. Neurobeautiful.

Porges, S. W. (2017). The Pocket Guide To Polyvagal Theory: The transformative power of feeling safe. W. W. Norton & Company.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Co.