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Abstract

nobody else saw, not even me when reacquainted with the pulses of the everyday world.</p><p id="9c95">It may have been wandering, or boredom, or self-destructive behavior that led me into the bathroom at the blue level of Madison Square Garden with Keegan, a friend from boarding school. I was getting ready to drop two windowpanes of a four-way hit. Whatever I was seeking, I knew that, at the very least, this dose would provide a counter-irritant to douse the peat-fire of boredom and wanting burning in my guts.</p><p id="4657">Keegan asked me how many panes I wanted to take.</p><p id="c93a">I asked, “how many are you going to take”?</p><p id="9068">He said, “two”.</p><p id="46ca">I said, “I’ll take two, then.”</p><p id="b8c7">Soon after I took them he told me that he had dosed on this same acid two days before, which would mean that he had some resistance to the batch and was doubling his intake to make sure he got high. What it meant for me was that if the acid was any good I was going to get very high, and the acid was good.</p><p id="a94e">Whether what Keegan had done was “mean”, “unfair”, “stupid”, “dangerous”, “funny”, or “not a big deal”, wasn’t a question I asked at the time. It was two decades before I began to realize that some of my “friends” were not my friends. It may be of no surprise to people older than fifty that many of the people I once called “friends” were really transactional acquaintances forged in a furnace of boredom and need. At some point in my life (like, about age forty) there was the awful realization that some of the people I referred to as “friends” were simply people that let me hang out with them. They didn’t actively humiliate or shun me, and so, to my adolescent pollywog brain, they were “friends”, even if there was no reciprocity in our relationship.</p><p id="ba48">Keegan was not someone I hung onto. In the brutal pecking order of boarding school hierarchy he and I were roughly equal, though we shouldn’t have been. Keegan was smart and funny, but he was also overweight, messy, and occasionally obstinate, in the kind of peevish way that eventually stops making sense. In a milieu where sports, good looks, and emotional control counted in the calculation of your social credit score, I could fairly count Keegan as an “equal” despite the fact that he was a more compelling, charismatic, and engaging character than I was.</p><p id="9ded">Keegan had another strike against him that may be hard to explain nowadays. His parents were divorced and he was being raised by a single mother. Why that information reflected poorly on him is a topic for another serving of dreck, but there is no question that my dysfunctional, alcohol-soaked, “in-tact” nuclear family gave me a lift. Keegan’s mother, who was smart but stranded economically (though not so stranded that she couldn’t afford boarding school for her son) came to parent’s day alone, or didn’t come at all. While that information seems like it would be the last thing that teenage boys would care about, somehow it factored into the equation, and, in ways that confuse both logic and analysis, made it easier for us to take Keegan himself less seriously.</p><p id="6a81">As I look back at it, I don’t think Keegan was being a dick when he gave me the double dose. We can explain it away by using the euphemism, “he was being mischievous”. He saw it as a prank. Had he not died of a drug overdose when we were in our twenties, I am certain that today he would be willing to either apologize or explain to me why he didn’t need to apologize. I’m sorry he can’t do that.</p><h2 id="ba57">Part II: The Trip</h2><p id="4aa8">After dropping the acid in the bathroom, a metallic flush began on my tongue and filled my entire mouth while we were walking on the concourse towards our seats. I was seeing vivid color trails before any music started. When the Grateful Dead came out, I couldn’t quite fathom what was happening. All I saw was Gerry Garcia’s great gray set of hair mushrooming and breathing as he took the stage. His hair kept expanding until it filled more than a third of the Garden. Then then band began to play.</p><p id="6d9d">Here is the a recording in the concert. There is a crash at the beginning of the opening number, <i>Mississippi Half-Step</i>, which I clearly remember, though at the time, I couldn’t make any sense of it.</p> <figure id="f154"> <div> <div> <img class="ratio" src="http://placehold.it/16x9"> <iframe class="" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fembed%2Fs_PakceAHxs%3Ffeature%3Doembed&display_name=YouTube&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Ds_PakceAHxs&image=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2Fs_PakceAHxs%2Fhqdefault.jpg&key=a19fcc184b9711e1b4764040d3dc5c07&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=youtube" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" width="854"> </div> </div> </figure></iframe></div></div></figure><p id="06c9">Throughout the concert Keegan and I stayed in our seats. At one point a Deadhead “twirler” came up to our tier and spent what seemed like hours Grateful Dead dancing.</p> <figure id="9bcf"> <div> <div> <img class="ratio" src="http://placehold.it/16x9"> <iframe class="" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fembed%2FtmBIgvOYfLw&display_name=YouTube&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DtmBIgvOYfLw&image=http%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FtmBIgvOYfLw%2Fhqdefault.jpg&key=a19fcc184b9711e1b4764040d3dc5c07&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=youtube" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" width="854"> </div> </div> </figure></iframe></div></div></figure><p id="ef40">I must have been smoking. I didn’t really smoke much as a kid, but I didn’t “not smoke” and since almost everyone in the world smoked, I sometimes did. Two girls came up to our seats and asked to bum a cigarette from me. I ha

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d a pack of Marlboros, but I couldn’t find them in the Vietnam era army jacket I was wearing. I had taken the jacket off, so I just kept turning it over and over looking through various pockets, it began to look like a carnival ride of pickle green cubby-holes. The girls stared expectantly, Keegan kept up a running commentary under his breath that they couldn’t hear:</p><p id="c961">“They’re <i>still</i> waiting. The two girls are waiting patiently while the stoned kid paws at his jacket pockets and grunts. No, that’s a lighter, Gutbloom. A lighter is not a pack of cigarettes, even if you stare at it for a long, long, time. What’s this? Hurray! You found something. A ticket! which is also not a pack of cigarettes….” etc., etc.</p><p id="46a0">After I gave the girls cigarettes, they walked away, and then the ceiling of Madison Square Garden touched the floor.</p><p id="90b4">Forty years ago I might have been able to tell you the peculiar hallucinations that accompanied individual songs. Some of those visions still color my emotional reaction to those tunes if I listen to them now, which I seldom do.</p><p id="1111">More memorable is the image of Keegan and his younger brother, who met us after the concert, standing on a New York City street trying to figure out which way was east. I was quite certain I knew, and I pointed north and said, “That’s uptown”, then pointed south and said, “that’s downtown, so that,” pointing east, “must be east.” I don’t remember if they agreed.</p><p id="d787">We went into an arcade in Times Square named Playland.</p><figure id="4e7d"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*MPnG0QZ1e9-LcTsYgF3z0g.jpeg"><figcaption><a href="https://weber-street-photography.com/2015/08/01/playland-times-sq-1985/">“Playland” Times Sq. 1985, ©Matt Weber</a>. Used without permission.</figcaption></figure><p id="d46d">When I told my brother about my adventure a few weeks after the fact, he told me that Playland was one of the “crusiest places on the planet and I was lucky I wasn’t swarmed by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chickenhawk_(gay_slang)">chickenhawks</a>.” I wasn’t. No chickenhawks that I remember. No people. There were people, but I don’t remember them. I just remember the green lines of the video game and the sound that the tanks made when they materialized.</p><figure id="e2bc"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*wvY5F25mQqrqBt2iPefnlQ.gif"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="bdd2">There was nothing epic about my trip to the land of Nod. All of the epic was inside my head. From the outside, we were just messy stoned kids wandering around the city.</p><p id="a983">We made it Grand Central Station before the last New Haven Line commuter train had departed for the suburbs. On it, we joined a group of Deadheads from Rye that Keegan knew. They were another dirty lot. One of them was even wearing a top hat. Someone had a tape recorder, and they were playing the concert we had just attended.</p><p id="5c29">An argument broke out between Keegan and someone else about whether the Dead had played the “Weather Report Suite” at the concert (they hadn’t).</p><p id="834d">I wasn’t a Deadhead and had no interest in the argument. At the time I wasn’t impressed by the Rye kids. My ignorance was so complete that I could arrogantly dismiss that which I knew nothing about on the thinnest shred of misunderstood and badly reasoned evidence. I only knew what I knew, which was painfully little, but I was certain <a href="https://readmedium.com/there-s-no-place-like-home-a218b7891be3">that my beloved suburb</a> was in every way superior to Rye, and, so, by the deductive process that renders simple ignorance into mindnumbingly cocksure adolescent arrogance, I figured that the kids from Rye were somehow “wanting” and I shouldn’t waste my time on them.</p><p id="c296">Little did I know that Rye was the town where Ogden Nash lived, where the Dick Van Dyke Show was set, and that gave us Nick Kroll. I thought it was simply the backdrop for <a href="https://playlandpark.org/">Rye Playland</a>. There was plenty I could have enjoyed in Rye.</p><p id="91f2">Some time in the morning we tumbled out onto the station platform and, still as a group, went to a downtown diner that was open. I had a plate of eggs that wiggled, breathed, and grew hairs. My mouth was full of the chemical taste of speedy acid and I knew that I would be awake for at least eight more hours.</p><p id="d68b">We left the wandering pack of Deadheads and made it back to Keegan’s house as dawn arrived. His mother was awake.</p><p id="d19a">Keegan went immediately downstairs.</p><p id="6e00">His mother and I talked for a long time in the kitchen. Mrs. Keegan was kind and interesting… interesting because she seemed genuinely interested in me. She, like my mother, was a Westover graduate, and I had the realization that she was just like one of my aunts… could be one of my aunts… sitting at the kitchen table and making deceptively sophisticated small talk. I didn’t know much, but I knew she was shrouding her concern for both me and her son in her subtle and psychologically-sophisticated set of questions. Her rejoinders to my answers were sagacious. I wish I could remember them.</p><p id="c82b">For all the Koans I could recite (“Why does the Buddha come from the East?”) or snippets of the Tao Te Ching I could burp out (“The name that can be named..”) I didn’t recognize one of the Masters even while she was instructing me. Of course I couldn’t see her. If I had, I would have had to recognize her sister rabbi who was in the kitchen at my house. These boddhisattvas, who understood, endured, and knew so much, were willing to put their own “desires” aside in an attempt to feed and care for pupa hell bent on fucking up their yet-to-be spun cocoons.</p><p id="d2f6">I wish I knew then what I know now. I had met the goddess on my non-ayahuasca trip.</p><p id="5733">But I didn’t know. I went downstairs into Keegan’s basement bedroom to smoke pot, listen to Jethro Tull, and watch the walls swim.</p></article></body>

ILLUMINATION Writers

Interview with Tree Langdon

Featuring creative writers of ILLUMINATION

In this story, I share with you an interview that I conducted with Tree Langdon ♾️. It has been a pleasure for me to read stories and creative poems of Tree every day since the early days of ILLUMINATION.

Tree has a unique writing style. Her stories are well researched, sharp to the point, and rich with messages which relate to many of us. Tree conveys an optimistic and uplifting perspective in her stories. I find her stories informative, thought-provoking, inspiring, motivating, and uplifting.

Many of the stories of Tree are curated and distributed to several topics. Tree also engages with other writers as an excellent collaborator on our Slack channel, welcomes our new writers. I am grateful for the contribution Tree does for ILLUMINATION. Besides, she raised the profile of our Facebook page.

Tree relentlessly review stories submitted to our publication, provides feedback to the writers, and publishes them with the speed of light, always with sharp action focus to improve our process and tools.

Tree’s collaboration with our other editors and writers is exemplary. Tree is a diligent, caring, supportive, and creative writer and editor of ILLUMINATION.

Let’s explore the interesting life of Tree Langdon ♾️.

Tell us a bit about your background, Tree.

Thank you Dr Mehmet Yildiz for inviting me to be interviewed. I also want to thank you for all that you do for us at ILLUMINATION. It’s a fantastic publication and I’m happy to be an editor here.

I was born and raised in Canada, and grew up with three siblings in a town north of Toronto. My family was fairly poor but cared a lot for us. I left home two days after I turned 16.

A lot happened in between those two sentences but that’s a story for another time.

Now I live on the West coast on a small farm. I love to travel and right now my favourite place to explore is Asia.

I’m fascinated by all the different phases we go through in our lives, especially the roles we play. At different times I’ve been a manager, a butcher, controller, gardener, accountant and salesperson. I’ve been a single mom of two and a new mom for two more when we blended families. I’ve always been a reader. One of my earliest memories is the weekly trip to the library with my family.

Now I write.

Why do you write on Medium?

I opened a Medium account in 2017 on the advice of a member of a writing group I had joined. When I returned to Medium in 2019, I discovered I had only created a single post. It was a comment.

On October 17, 2017, I wrote “Holy crap. Just holy crap… Every word is truth.”

It was in response to a post by Kate Holly Clark:

let me tell you a story but I need to be a little drunk first (poem)

because everything has edges and you’re going to cut yourself on them anyway but you wear dark clothing so it doesn’t…

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I don’t remember meeting Kate in the writing group, but I remember her writing. Somehow, that’s more important to me.

I returned to creative writing after many years working in Finance, where I mainly wrote policy. At first I used it to find my path after a breakdown and found it very therapeutic. Writing things down helps me sort them out.

What are the top three books that have affected your life?

That’s a tough question. I read everything and I’m sure everything influenced me in some way, even the cereal boxes I read as a kid.

The Chrysalids by John Wyndam was required reading in school. I was transported into a world where people could communicate using their minds. I was instantly intrigued and imagined how fantastic that level of communication would be.

Nine Lives by William Dalrymple transported me into nine different lives in a completely different culture. It created an opening through which I have crammed multiple books and college courses covering diverse topics such as world religion and forensic anthropology.

Any book by Brene Brown. She is genuine, honest and vulnerable in her relentless examination of self. I grow every time I read or listen to her words.

Tell us about your hobbies.

I dabble in many things but I’m a master of none. I paint, sketch, play the ukulele and dabble in my garden, although gardening is becoming less of a hobby and more of a necessity these days. Walking is a major entertainment as we live near the ocean.

Fishing — I tell people I like fishing, but I really like getting out on the ocean.

Photo by Tree Langdon — Sometimes I catch a fish

I like to work hard and enjoy a good renovation. I’ve worn out several shovels and own my own pry bar.

How do you connect with your readers?

I write about what I’m interested in and hope my readers will find it interesting as well. I try to write the way I speak, which is direct and to the point. On the other hand I tend to layer my poetry, building nuance and innuendo into every line.

Why did you join ILLUMINATION and how do you find it so far?

I became a writer for Illumination because I was invited to join in. I’m so happy to be a part of this community of friends. It feels like I belong here.

Who are the top ten writers you follow on ILLUMINATION?

That’s a really difficult question to answer. I’ve made strong connections with fellow editors but I’m always meeting new writers and there are too many to choose from.

Here’s my first pass at it:

Kevin Buddaeus : I really enjoy the way he thinks and his writing is entertainingly precise. He works so hard for the publication and he’s a tech whiz, imho.

Holly Jahangiri is the sister I’ve always wanted and the friend at the party who talks you into the fun yet slightly inappropriate dance. Yes Holly, I say yes.

Dipti Pande is a sweet person who is always positive and encouraging. I love her poems as well as her more serious articles.

R Tsambounieri Talarantas is a poet who paints images with her words. I am always fascinated how she leads the reader on a journey.

Terri DelCampo-Nelson is fierce. When she feels strongly about a subject her words are powerful. Recently she wrote a poem about Misogynist Legislators and it was right on the mark.

Dew Langrial is a positivity guru. She often writes about living in the moment and focusing on what you can control, rather than trying to control things you can’t control. I read her articles because they inspire me to be a better person.

Rasheed Hooda or Mister Weirdo as he likes to call himself. I haven’t figured out why yet, but I’m sure someone will tell me. I this phrase he posts at the end of his stories “You can let others tell you what it means to be successful, or you can decide it for yourself.” To me, that says it all.

Maïa Belart : Her flair, and spontaneity bring a smile to my face every time. She questions everything in her writing and that is interesting to me.

Gurpreet Dhariwal writes beautiful poetry that always resonates with me. I’ve listened to her advice and have never been sorry.

Chris Hedges is one of the first people I met when I joined Illumination. She’s so positive and always ready to help. She’s also outrageous, which appeals to the diva in me and she’s always doing something surprising.

Kathryn A. LeRoy, Ph.D. is a new editor as well. I’m enjoying getting to know her as we learn the ropes together. Her writing is inspirational and I really enjoy how she questions everything.

Timothy Key writes a lot of helpful articles for writers on Illumination. His latest project for June focuses on highlighting new writers. I really enjoy his perspective and how he takes time to get to know something about every writer he meets. His June articles featuring new writers are inspiring and interesting.

There are so many more — I wish I could mention them all. I’m sorry if you didn’t make the list.

What are your top five stories that you want to share with your audience and why?

The Inheritance, because it’s part of a larger story I’m thinking about writing.

The Inheritance

A Shakari Token

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Open the Window as Wide as You Can, because it’s about religious tolerance and inclusion. We need that right now

Open The Window As Wide As You Can

Study Religion? Why Bother?

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The Binding, because it’s a poem that tells a true story from my life.

The Binding

of the Twelve

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It’s Important to Make Your End of Life Choices Now, because it’s time to decide what you want.

It’s Important To Make Your End Of Life Choices Now

Who’s Your Advocate?

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We Treasure the Magic of Crows, because this poem is the first one I wrote when I began writing again.

We Treasure the Magic of Crows

they say crows remember your face

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The Magic Scarf, because the protagonist finds her strength in a relationship and because of the kick ass boots she wears in the story.

The Magic Scarf

Who To Forgive

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I know that’s six, but it’s hard to leave any of these stories out.

What are the success factors for you as a writer on Medium?

I’ve had the most success when I write what I feel and then edit it mercilessly. I’ve been editing my SEO data and using tags that the Medium Curators pay attention to. I’ve also been using a headline analyzer to attract readers.

What do you recommend to the new writers on ILLUMINATION?

Reach out and connect to as many other writers as you can. Support each other, read and comment when you feel inspired. Reciprocate. Share your posts on social media and share the posts of other writers as well. Join Slack and participate in the conversations there.

What are your future plans as a writer?

I want to continue to make connections with my audience as I explore new ideas.

I’m working on a book about some crazy characters that live in the same apartment building. My challenge is to tie them all together with a common theme. I can’t decide if it will be a murder or a tragedy and I’m thinking about creating an outline for Nanowrimo in the fall and going for it.

Thank you for your valuable time Tree Langdon ♾️. I enjoy reading your inspiring, informative, uplifting, and engaging stories on ILLUMINATION every day. Your writing style and choice of content are appealing to me. I appreciate your wonderful support to our publication, writers, and readers. Your content illuminates our publication and empowers our readers.

You can check writer bio for Tree Langdon ♾️ from her creative pen.

I’ve Always Been a Reader

And Secretly a Writer

medium.com

If you are a writer on ILLUMINATION and would like to be interviewed, please send a request via this link with title of “Interview Request”.

Other Interviews

You may also check other interviews I conducted with inspiring writers of ILLUMINATION recently. These stories can provide a great opportunity to know more about our creative writers and connect with them.

Timothy Key

Interview with Timothy Key

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Interview with Marianna Saver

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Interview with Kevin Buddaeus

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You might check more interviews in the attached collection.

Interviews with Writers

Featuring inspiring writers of ILLUMINATION

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You can find inspiring profiles of ILLUMINATION writers from this story.

Discover ILLUMINATION Writers

BIOs of writers from their pen

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Thank you for reading my perspectives. I wish you a healthy and happy life.

About the Author

Meet Dr Mehmet Yildiz

Owner and chief editor of Illumination Integrated Publications

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Thank you for subscribing to my content. I share my health and well-being stories in my publication, Euphoria. If you are new to Medium, you may join by following this link. A small part of your membership fee will not only support my writing but your reading times can support many great writers on this platform.

I see opportunities endless for readers and writers on Medium. You can join my publications as a writer requesting access via this weblink.

Besides self-improvement, leadership, technology, and health, I also enjoy writing about essential molecules such as alpha-lipoic acid, n-acetyl-cysteine, acetyl-l-carnitine, creatine, choline, digestive enzymes, magnesium, hydrolyzed collagen, nootropics, CoQ10, NADH, TMG, pure nicotine, activated charcoal, Vitamin B12, Vitamin B1, Vitamin D, Vitamin K2, and other nutrients for health and fitness.

January 2022 Updates from Euphoria

Selected articles from health, mental health, fitness, lifestyle, and self-improvement topics

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