Finding Solitude In This Summer

I traded hot girl summer for a selfcare one instead.

A summer of self-care

“I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” — Henry David Thoreau

It’s raining as I write this, in fact. The sky is thick with gray clouds. I have a blanket on my lap. I didn’t pay enough attention to these long days until now!

I didn’t sit with gratitude at my window, watching the last of the light disappear at 9PM, thanking the sun for its strength and vibrance at this time of year.

And…in just a few more turns of the clock, the days are going to start getting shorter. How did that happen so quickly? And yet, in a month, the days will be noticeably shorter, and the month after that, I’ll feel the chill of fall in the nighttime air.

It all goes by so damn quickly.

It was supposed to be a Hot Girl Summer. I was supposed to be celebrating myself, enjoying lighter COVID-19 restrictions, and generally living my best life.

That was the plan, and I was happy with it. Hot girl summer was on!

We all needed a light and fun summer after a full year of pandemic life. I was hopeful. I was ready.

Last weekend during my long walk — sometimes I walk for miles, as I meandered along the asphalt path, my mind went silent. I settled into a bench and sat in the light rain, alone. I saw the trees and sky as if for the first time.

In that solitude, I felt peace and witnessed my life from a great distance. My schedule had been packed for months barely moving from my home office, and until that bench, I couldn’t see any of this.

It was only in this moment of solitude that my path forward became clear.

It wasn’t just the COVID Delta variant that derailed my plans either. I didn’t expect to still be stuck in life chaos. I didn’t expect my body hormonal rollercoaster that left me quite in messy mood.

I was disappointed.

Hot girl summer was canceled, and I made it my summer of self-care instead.

It sounds less glamorous, but it’s exactly what I needed. I didn’t need to live large. I needed to live small and to pay attention to the details. I didn’t get the light and happy summer I expected. Instead, I got to work on my healing.

Hot Girl Summer plans shelved, I dove into Healing Summer, Recovery Summer, and the summer that just might change the rest of my life.

Aim for a softer life

There is so much pressure from people around to go out, have fun, visit places and I used to like that, where I planned my every weekend for an entire year so that I can visit as many places I can.

Specially this year, there was so much pressure to have fun and enjoy the season after a long year of pandemic, but some of us like me are still experiencing pandemic fatigue.

I crave normal, too. I want life to feel fun and carefree again. That’s what I signed up for this year, but it’s not the reality.

I’ve spent the summer learning to be gentle with myself. Healing is hard work, and it takes so much of our time and energy. It can help to lower our expectations of what we can do outside of that.

I had full weekends where all I did was rest because I needed rest more than I needed anything else.

I’m an active person, and it wasn’t easy for me to make that choice at first.

Learning to listen to our bodies and honor what they need often means overcoming the mental narrative that we’re supposed to be doing something else.

Self-compassion is an ongoing practice. My self-care varied from day-to-day. I developed daily routines to support my well-being. I modified my exercise plan to allow for more rest but also worked in shorter but more intense workouts in the time that I allotted for fitness.

I focused some effort at better managing my time to have better work-life balance, and I began practicing mindfulness with more consistency.

I started my medication back to deal with my constant mood swings.

My summer of self-care didn’t involve parties or lavish vacations. It wasn’t light and carefree. But every week, I got lighter as I unpacked more of that baggage. One more step closer to wholesomeness.

Every week, I learned how to love myself better. It’s not glamorous or exciting, but it’s real and important.

I think I would have enjoyed that hot girl summer if I’d had it. It would have been amazing, and I would have looked back on it with fondness. My summer of self-care was bittersweet.

I handled hard things — but I did handle them. It may have been the less exciting option, but I know that the healing I’ve done — the healing I’m still doing — is changing my life, changing my life for good!

I am done trying to make myself better, smarter, more loving, less selfish.

The world can love me as I am, flaws and all. I insist on it.

Be Bold

Be Courageous

Be Your Best

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Citation: https://readmedium.com/the-determined-march-of-time-at-the-summer-solstice-fe3ca5587dcf and https://readmedium.com/i-traded-hot-girl-summer-for-a-healing-one-instead-20c7aafe001a

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