Travel and Psychology
Here’s Why My Australian Wife Had the Urge to Slap a Danish Man.
Based on a personal experience during a holiday in Copenhagen, Denmark, I have a unique perspective on the Will Smith incident.
The Role of Emotions in Our Behaviour
Reading hundreds of posts about Will Smith’s situation triggered my decade-old memories as I discerned similar patterns between the two incidents.
The behavior of others can trigger pungent emotions and assertive urges to act on them, whether positive or negative.
As far as emotions are concerned, it is impossible to see just black and white. The spectrum is broad, covering a gamut of sheltered shades.
From the outset, a slap looks unnecessary and poor behavior many of us don’t approve of. However, it reflects a highly complex phenomenon from a physiological and psychological perspective.
Whether male or female, partners have instinctive traits to protect them from danger, real or perceived threats.
However, the truth is the amygdala cannot distinguish between real and perceived threats. Instead, it releases the same neurochemicals to cope with both types of threats.
This personal story is not about judging someone or trying to prove such behavior as good or bad. Instead, I aim to add further perspectives to broaden our horizons, giving a unique case to think differently about such situations.
Therefore, I summarize the highlights of the incident with a brief background to provide a value standpoint for my readers.
By no means do I support what Will Smith did or similar incidents. Instead, my purpose is to provide an informed perspective on how a male or female partner might feel about another partner when emotional traumas bubble up from the surface.
For example, I have never seen my wife slapping anyone in my life except for this situation that I explain briefly in this story.
I was blessed to get a two-day consultancy job for a wealthy technology client in Copenhagen, Denmark. The client executive asked me to observe their environment and develop an enterprise architecture for their international e-commerce service.
He found my work through the Open Group database having confidence in my similar solutions for other clients in Europe. The payment for these two days covered almost all expenses of the planned two-week holiday.
With this motivation, we booked a relatively affordable hotel.
But still, we kept our standard as a minimum of three stars within our budget as the travel expenses were not sponsored, unlike my previous work engagements in Europe, Asia, and America. We both love Denmark.
Copenhagen is an attractive and innovative city with a high focus on sustainability. I found people caring and intelligent. In addition, both my wife and kids loved skiing there, but it was not my cup of tea.
During the school holidays, our teenage son invited a teenage relative. Their goal was to have scooter trips in Copenhagen, so they got excited about this holiday.
After Denmark, our next destination was Switzerland, especially Zurich, which we visited several times afterward. I had beautiful memories in Zurich, which I want to cover in another story.
This story is about an unusual and dramatic incident in Copenhagen that cemented in my memories and revitalized after the Will Smith incident.
A Dramatic Night in a Copenhagen Hotel
The noise coming from the adjacent hotel room was unbearable around 2 AM. After 30 hours of flight from Melbourne to Denmark via two stopovers in Singapore and London, we were exhausted.
The erotic screaming noise from the adjacent room woke up the teenagers. They asked what the noise was about. We knew what it was, and we thought the kids had an idea too.
However, convincingly explaining this awkward situation to them was impossible within our capability. The only viable option was to gloss over it and prevent them from hearing the noise.
Fortunately, there were silicon earplugs in my travel bag which I used to reduce noise, especially during trips. We gave the earplugs to the kids and instructed them to get back to sleep.
The noise intensified. Finally, my wife hit the wall gently with her fist a few times, saying, please tone down. They replied by hitting the wall but did not stop the noise. My wife tried to call reception, but the room phone did not work.
So, finally, she decided to go down to the reception. I joined her as she looked furious and upset. We had a quick chit-chat with the receptionist. He mentioned he started working there a few months ago.
My wife explained the situation to the receptionist, highlighting we had two teenagers with us. With no care and concern, the guy, who looked around in his early twenties, immediately started laughing loudly when my wife mentioned the erotic noise coming from the adjacent room.
Then, he started teasing me. “Sir, how about you convince your wife and join the club. I can get you in contact with them. It would be a lot of fun. They are doing a threesome. You can make it a great fivesome, man. Imagine the fun! We do it often with my girlfriends. Remember, this is a lifetime opportunity!” he said.
First, I lost my speech, not knowing how to respond. Then, I managed to say, “no thanks, we are not interested,” politely.
However, he continued teasing me, “Come on, man, I know you are interested. All you need is to convince your beautiful wife and have a bit of Copenhagen fun. Don’t miss this opportunity. It will be delightful travel memories for you.”
My wife said, “Stop now, mate. We are not interested in your bizarre offer.” By looking at my wife, the receptionist said, “What is wrong with you, madam? Cooldown, will you! I am not talking to you. I am talking to this nice gentleman.”
I got stunned yet noticed the significantly increased anger on my wife’s face. Her body language changed so badly that I was afraid she would blow up at any moment.
The young and blunt receptionist did not even notice my wife’s body language and kept teasing me. I gently smiled and nodded my head, depicting polite refusal.
Surprisingly, he stood up and put his arms around my shoulder as if we were old friends. I did not reciprocate his action and stayed neutral. I was not angry but felt uncomfortable.
Only very close friends or relatives put their arms on people’s shoulders in Australia. Then, with an intimate body posture, he continued saying, “come on, man, go and join them,” as if begging.
As the man kept insisting, my wife couldn’t hold her anger and frustration anymore. So she slapped his arm, covering my shoulders, with outrage, fortunately, not his face, as Will Smith did to his offender.
And she kept screaming:
“Move away from my husband! Stop playing with his emotions and manipulating him! My husband’s life is none of your business. We are not interested in your stupid offer! We came here to ask for your help to solve our problem, but you are creating more problems for us. We are not here to get unsolicited sex advice from you. We are here to have a peaceful holiday.”
The man seemed to have a sudden shock from physical interruption. He instantly moved his arms from my shoulder to my relief.
After that, however, he started blaming my wife for physically abusing him in a poignant and childish tone. He said it was an illegal act. Then, he called the security officer. It was the last straw of my emotional concussion.
I found myself in the middle of an unexpected and undesirable drama in a foreign country. My first attempt was to soothe my wife and ask her to apologize to the man for her slap on his shoulder.
However, she couldn’t talk or move. She got frozen when the security officer arrived. I had to explain the situation slowly for the security officer to understand. English was his third language.
The security officer immediately called the supervisor, a professional-looking woman in her fifties. I neutrally explained the situation once more to her. She listened carefully and seemed to understand the criticality of the situation.
She said something to the receptionist in Danish that we couldn’t understand. However, the receptionist instantly apologized to both of us for his unacceptable behavior.
After the apology of the receptionist, the supervisor quickly called the noisy room and managed to stop the noise to our satisfaction. The kids were beautifully sleeping, but my wife and I lost our sleep.
After a bit of therapeutic talk, she calmed down and fell asleep. But I couldn’t as the incident was too intense for me. It changed the neurochemicals preventing me from sleeping.
There were more obscene conversations that I didn’t want to pollute my story. But they were all emotional words about sexuality, not meaning much to my logical brain yet activating my wife’s emotional brain, causing this unwanted drama.
The next day, I went to the consultancy job with no sleep. Luckily, I had a few supplements like Caffeine tablets and N-Acetyl Tyrosine in my travel bag, which removed the symptoms of sleep deprivation.
After four hours of consultancy, I asked the permission of the employer to work on the details from my hotel room.
My wife and kids got back from the scooter ride. After having some snacks, the kids went to the swimming pool. My wife wanted to go outside to have fresh air.
I asked her whether she wanted me to join. She said no, so I respected her choice. She took something from the travel bag, but I couldn’t see what it was. Her body language depicted to hide something, but she was in a good mood, so I did not concern.
When she came back after half an hour, she told me an incredible story that touched my heart. To my surprise, she managed to apologize to the receptionist by giving him a small gift from Australia as a symbol of peace.
She felt regretful and guilty about her overreaction and wanted to take her debilitating emotions from her chest, not suppress them.
Her intuitive emotional maturity was more robust than mine in those days allowing her to regulate her emotions better. Despite all, she had empathy and compassion for the young receptionist.
She also spoke with the supervisor showing her forgiveness. Her concern was the receptionist could have gone into trouble and lost his job.
The supervisor appreciated her thoughtful gesture, and the receptionist apologized to her more authentically this time. This beautiful closure meant so much to me and taught me a valuable life lesson at the time.
Conclusions and Takeaways
We all have bubbling emotions, and sometimes controlling them might be impossible even for the most emotionally intelligent people.
The limbic brain is too complex. When the emotional part of the brain is fired by the amygdala hijacks, it can do terrible things that our cognitive brain would normally not approve of.
The viable solution to these tricky situations is to find a quick way to activate the cognitive brain under challenging conditions.
Knowing the power of starting the cognitive part of the brain, I studied and worked on improving my cognitive flexibility for many years as a critical survival skill. Cognitive flexibility can also significantly contribute to our emotional intelligence and maturity.
When I analyzed this situation, I perceived a correlation between Will Smith and my wife. I cannot talk about Will’s situation as I don’t know him. However, my belief was my wife must have felt that I was cornered emotionally.
She might have sensed that I was under an emotional attack and wanted to protect me. Her brain couldn’t accept the emotional manipulation against her husband.
Related to this point, Leonard Tillerman asked interesting questions and attempted to answer them in his recent story:
“Is that a misogynistic response? Is it a man feeling the need to protect his loved one? Or is it an expression of the deep love I feel for my wife? Feeling the overpowering need to ensure she is safe and happy.”
Besides, the key difference between Will’s and my wife’s situation was the intensity and context of the incident. In Will’s case, it was in front of many people, which was also recorded for the views of millions of people online.
In addition, slapping a person on the face and his arm also differs, having different physical and psychological effects.
Whatever the situation, we never get the complete picture and never be in a position to make a moral judgment.
Even though I was close to my wife’s case, I struggled to analyze and comprehend the situation's dynamics. This incident made me vulnerable at the time but it taught me valuable life lessons on how the human brain works and how emotions rule our behavior.
Thank you for reading my perspectives. I wish you a healthy and happy life. If you enjoyed this story, you might also check three other dramatic travel stories that happened in Singapore, Amsterdam, and Boston.
My Australian Wife Refused to Revisit Amsterdam After Two Dramatic Incidents
An Award-Winning Conference Ended Up in a Health Disaster in Boston
I dedicate this story to my wonderful friends and colleagues living in Denmark.
Disclaimer: Please note that this post does not include professional, travel, or health advice. I share my experience, observations, and perspectives for information purposes only.
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