POLITICS, ENTERTAINMENT
Vladimir Putin Creates Conservatorship for Kanye West Until the Nazi Stops Scaring His Sponsors
Fascist Jamie Spears
For all the Kremlin peeps that know Putin best He feel like him and Kanye might still have sex Why? He made that bitch famous
Russia’s Prime Minister Vladimir Putin was caught singing this version after creating a conservatorship for mentally ill superstar Kanye West.
“Mr. West is not in a mental state to function independently. I will gladly take ownership of him until he feels better.”
“Mr. West got a uterus transplant to give birth to a child.
“No man alive has gone through such painful struggles. It is mentally and painfully taxing, with symptoms lasting after birth. I should know. I recently became a transgender female to embody Mother Russia. I can better relate to Mr. West than any other man on Earth.
“I know Russia hates West. You can’t spell Western culture without West. Let me be clear. As long as I am in power, Russia will welcome the LGBTQ+ community with open arms. This country honored me by naming a restaurant chain after my menstrual cycle. I know it’s through fear, but the thought still counts!”
We reached out to Putin to ask why he would take in West. His aide intercepted our call and explained.
“Russia promotes communism and oligarchy. The country is run by a few corrupt billionaires who pay celebrities to encourage fascism. It’s why Brandon [formerly Donald] Trump parrots everything we say, despite being ruler of a democratic nation. Trump needs money from us to pay off his lawsuits.
“However, we no longer can afford Trump. Russia lost a war to Ukraine after it accidentally blew up Moscow. We owe Ukraine so much money that we are in debt. We can no longer pay Trump to preach communism.
“This angered Trump so much that he sided with the Democratic Party. The liberals are now funding Trump’s presidential campaign just so he can steal votes from Governor Ron DeSantis. With this Oompa Loompa puppet on their side, the liberals can force Trump to recant his fascist statements and spread democracy.
“We can’t have democracy rise again! It’ll make our communist system look weak! Russia need to find another conservative muppet for its bidding!
“It’s why Russia narrowed down to two polarizing, but heroic Americans: Antonio Brown and Kanye West.
“Brown already announced a president campaign independent of our involvement.
“He does whatever he wants, and would be a useless Russian puppet. We need to easily control someone.
“West, on the other hand, can be controlled. At the end of the day, West cares more about his money than his statements. We have proof that West has no money.
- West finalized his divorce with Kim Kardashian. He now owes her $200,000 per month in child support. That’s a tenth of what he dropped to give birth to Kim’s ex-lover Pete Davidson. Didn’t West claim that his childbirth will bring his wife back? That succeeded as well as his 2020 presidential campaign.
- West praised Adolf Hitler and anti-semitism. West even bragged that he can rape a Jew for artistic merit and not be arrested. Sponsors dropped him, and West lost $2 billion overnight.
“West is so much in debt that he had to beg a Jew once again to invest $1 billion in his ideas.
“West has nothing. His parents are dead. His family abandoned him. His friends turned on him. His business partners dropped him. West has tarnished his brand so much in 24 hours that conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is preaching COVID rules to stay six feet away from him.
“Russia will gladly become West’s guardian. We don’t have any money to raise him, but it’s still more than what West has. Furthermore, Putin is the world’s greatest mother. Putin will cure West’s mental disorder in no time.
“Parenting a celebrity should be easy. If Brad Pitt can do so with Brittney Spears, then Putin certainly can with Kanye West.”
West is pleased that Putin would help him.
“Jesus is King. The Lord led me to Trump’s father.
“I thank Putin for this opportunity! I hope he comes to my Sunday Service to preach to Jesus!
“Now, I am no longer Trump’s companion. I am Trump’s brother! Trump has to respect me as equals! He can’t tell me to stop running for president!
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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