The Real Reasons People Have Sex

Science found 237 to be exact

If you ask yourself why people have sex, the first thing that may come to mind is something along the lines of, “It’s enjoyable!” And of course, you’d be right. However, there can be numerous reasons why people have sex, from the physical to the psychological to the emotional. In fact, a study conducted by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss found a whopping 237 reasons people gave for having sex — and some of the answers may surprise you.

During their research, Buss and Meston asked about 2,000 study participants why they have sex, and after eliminating duplicates, they were left with 237 answers. The top reasons for all respondents were:

• I was attracted to the person.
• I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
• It feels good.
• I wanted to show my affection to the person.
• I wanted to express my love for the person.
• I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
• I was “horny.”
• It’s fun.
• I realized I was in love.
• I was “in the heat of the moment.”
• I wanted to please my partner.
• I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
• I wanted the pure pleasure.
• I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
• It’s exciting, adventurous.
• I wanted to feel connected to the person.
• The person’s physical appearance turned me on.
• It was a romantic setting.
• The person really desired me.
• The person made me feel sexy.

Also, the researchers tracked the responses reported by male and female respondents. The top answers were:

Men

• I was attracted to the person.
• It feels good.
• I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
• It’s fun.
• I wanted to show my affection to the person.
• I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
• I was “horny.”
• I wanted to express my love for the person.
• I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
• I wanted to please my partner.

Women

• I was attracted to the person.
• I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
• It feels good.
• I wanted to show my affection to the person.
• I wanted to express my love for the person.
• I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
• I was “horny.”
• It’s fun.
• I realized I was in love.
• I was “in the heat of the moment.”

In addition to breaking down answers given by male and female participants, the researchers noted that responses could be broadly placed into four categories: physical, goal attainment, emotional, and insecurity. The following are examples of answers in each of these groups.

Physical

• I wanted to release anxiety/stress.
• My hormones were out of control.
• I thought it would make me feel healthy.
• I thought it would help me to fall asleep.
• It seemed like good exercise.
• I wanted to keep warm.
• I wanted to get rid of a headache.
• I wanted to burn calories.
• I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.
• I wanted to relieve “blue balls.”

Goal Attainment

• The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.
• I wanted to have a child.
• I was competing with someone else to “get the person.”
• I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
• I needed another “notch on my belt.”
• I wanted to get a promotion.
• I wanted to make money.
• I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
• It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
• I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.

Emotional

• I wanted to feel closer to God.
• I wanted to communicate at a deeper level.
• I wanted a “spiritual” experience.
• I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex.
• I wanted to put the passion back into my relationship.
• I wanted to become one with another person.
• I wanted to say “I’ve missed you.”
• I wanted to say “I’m sorry.”
• I wanted to say “Thank you.”
• I wanted to welcome someone home.

Insecurity

• My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
• I wanted to ensure the relationship was “committed.”
• I wanted to feel attractive.
• I didn’t want to “lose” the person.
• I wanted to feel good about myself.
• I wanted to decrease my partner’s desire to have sex with someone else.
• I wanted to boost my self-esteem.
• I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
• I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
• I felt insecure.

As you can see, the reasons we have sex are as unique as we are as individuals. As a result, study researchers warn against trying to frame our reasons for sexual behavior into narrow explanations, because there is more than meets the eye.

“Human sexuality is motivated by a complex and multifaceted psychology,” researchers explain in their study, which was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. “Efforts to reduce sexual motivation to a small number of variables are doomed to fail. The taxonomy presented in the current study opens up several new avenues for important future research.”

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Sources:

Grohol, J. (2007, August 15). 237 Reasons People Have Sex. Everyday Health. https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/better-sex/237-reasons-to-have-sex.aspx

Hitti, M. (2007, August 1). Why People Have Sex: 237 Reasons. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20070801/why-people-have-sex-237-reasons

Meston, C. and Buss, D. (2007, September). Why Humans Have Sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior. https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2015/09/why-humans-have-sex-2007.pdf

Tierney, J. (2007, July 31). The Whys of Mating: 237 Reasons and Counting. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/31/science/31tier.html