Quickie: The High Cost of Relationship Insecurity

When your romance is rocky, you may put more value on your stuff

Are you having problems in your relationship? Is it causing you so much stress that you find yourself engaging in retail therapy to make you feel better? Or do you find yourself becoming more attached to the stuff that you buy?

“People value possessions, in part, because they afford a sense of protection, insurance, and comfort.”

Research shows that this may be caused by relationship insecurity because when we don’t get the support we crave from the people we love, we look for it in other places — including our stuff. As a result, the connection we have with our material possessions fills that emotional void, which can cause us to put a high monetary value on these things.

“People value possessions, in part, because they afford a sense of protection, insurance, and comfort,” said researcher Edward Lemay. “But what we found was that if people already have a feeling of being loved and accepted by others, which also can provide a sense of protection, insurance, and comfort, those possessions decrease in value.”

In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Lemay asked volunteers about their interpersonal attachments and how much they believed specific items were worth. He found that when study participants did not feel secure in their relationships, they believed their stuff was worth more than those who were otherwise getting their security needs met. In some cases, insecure respondents thought specific items were worth five times more than their secure counterparts did.

“If people already have a feeling of being loved and accepted by others…possessions decrease in value.”

Lemay says that this study can be useful in understanding why some people become so attached to material things — even when, in some cases, this attachment is detrimental, such as with hoarding.

“These findings seem particularly relevant to understanding why people may hang onto goods that are no longer useful,” said Lemay. “They also may be relevant to understanding why family members often fight over items from estates that they feel are rightfully theirs and to which they are already attached. Inherited items may be especially valued because the associated death threatens a person’s sense of personal security.”

More from Kiki Wellington:

Source:

The More Secure You Feel, the Less You Value Your Stuff. University of New Hampshire. https://www.unh.edu/unhtoday/news/release/2011/03/03/more-secure-you-feel-less-you-value-your-stuff-unh-research-shows