Summary

When a narcissist loses control over someone, they resort to manipulating others' perceptions and employing "flying monkeys" to discredit and destabilize their target.

Abstract

The article discusses the narcissist's reaction to losing control over an individual, focusing on their efforts to manipulate the narrative by controlling how others perceive their target. Narcissists are driven by the need for narcissistic supply and the preservation of their idealized self-image. When their true self is threatened with exposure, they view the knowledgeable individual as a danger to be neutralized. The narcissist enlists the help of "flying monkeys," individuals who are manipulated into abusing the narcissist's victims, often without the victim's awareness. These flying monkeys, which can include the victim's own family and friends, spread damaging and untrue allegations about the victim, leading to a destabilization of the victim's support system and credibility. The victim is then forced into a defensive position, distracted from exposing the narcissist's true nature.

Opinions

Narcissists are primarily motivated by the pursuit of narcissistic supply and maintaining their fabricated self-image.
Individuals who have insight into a narcissist's true nature pose a significant threat to the narcissist's constructed reality.
The use of "flying monkeys" is a strategic tactic employed by narcissists to extend their control and abuse through unwitting proxies.
The allegations spread by flying monkeys are often baseless but are accepted without question due to the narcissist's influence over them.
The narcissist's strategy aims to destabilize, quiet, and discredit the victim, effectively neutralizing any threat to their persona.
The victim's focus on defending themselves against false accusations detracts from their ability to reveal the narcissist's true character.
The article's author, Dr. Melissa Kalt, MD, positions herself as an expert in narcissistic abuse and offers resources for those affected by such behavior.

How Does the Narcissist React When They Can No Longer Control You?

Avert your eyes — it isn’t pretty

Let me give it to you straight.

When a narcissist can no longer control you, they seek to control the way others see you.

The narcissist is solely motivated by two things:

Obtaining narcissistic supply

2. Preserving their idealized self and made-up version of reality

You are someone who has the power to disrupt both. You have the power to expose their true self and reveal the truth behind their made-up world.

The more you know, the more of their truth you’ve seen, the more dangerous you are.

You are a threat that must be neutralized.

The narcissist’s loyal abusers

At this point, the narcissist needs to destabilize, quiet, and discredit you as quickly as possible.

Turns out this is pretty simple. They have a legion of flying monkeys prepped and ready to jump to their aid.

What is a flying monkey? Flying monkeys are people groomed by the narcissist to abuse the narcissist’s victims.

The narcissist has power and control over them. Flying monkeys believe whatever the narcissist says without discernment, meaning they have no interest in determining if it’s actually true. The flying monkeys go to extreme lengths to propagate this “truth,” and deliver your punishment.

Now you’d think these dangerous people would be obvious — dressed in black walking two steps behind them like lackeys — but you’d be wrong. The narcissist’s flying monkeys are YOUR family, YOUR friends, YOUR co-workers, YOUR neighbors, in addition to their friends, family, and co-workers.

Until you see the truth, the dance between narcissist and flying monkeys is invisible to the victim. Together, they deliver the abuse.

The narcissist’s triple threat

The best part (for the narcissist) is, they can do all of this without you knowing. That’s how they destabilize you.

The narcissist has shared “in confidence” heinous, far-fetched allegations…

You never gave them a birthday gift for decades.
You stowed money offshore.
You stole money from the kids.
You had numerous affairs.
You were fired for misconduct.
You were abusive to them.
You neglected the kids.
You killed their pet.

I say “in confidence” because the narcissist uses this strategy to make the flying monkey feel special while hoping and knowing that the allegation will be spread far and wide.

Mind you, despite the lack of any credible evidence, the flying monkey believes this allegation as if it were from God’s mouth. Because they worship the narcissist, in some ways it is.

After a period of time, often in the midst of a legal or other proceeding, you hear the allegation for the first time. You are stunned — destabilized. Nothing about it is true.

Your mind is scrambling trying to figure out how anyone could think that, how you can defend yourself and prove it’s untrue, how you can figure out what in the hell is going on. You feel panic, overwhelm, desperation.

You’ve lost your support system. You’re alone, struggling to right yourself. Your focus has shifted entirely to defense — defense from these ridiculous allegations.

You’re so busy trying to defend your character, your good name, that you lose any offensive edge for outing the narcissist’s true self and true reality. You’ve been quieted.

Your defense of yourself, your evidence, your claims that numerous respected people, people that have known you for decades, are lying makes you look crazy. You’re discredited in the eyes of the court, the church, the community.

Destabilized. Quieted. Discredited.

Threat neutralized.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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