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to realize they’re being deceived, to see the world clearly, to stop abusing the victims.</p><p id="269f">Yet, this will never happen.</p><h2 id="ed58">Flying monkeys are not just supportive friends of the narcissist. They WANT to believe negative, untrue things about you.</h2><p id="254b">Why?</p><ul><li>Maybe you have a skill or talent they wish they had.</li><li>Maybe your attention to both career and parenting makes them feel inadequate.</li><li>Maybe you call them out and threaten to remove their mask, thus are a threat.</li></ul><p id="9881">There could be so many reasons why. The part that matters is they want to believe negative things about you.</p><p id="0e8c">Think of it this way. If your neighbor came and told you the man across the street abandoned his wife and kids without a word, would you believe him? At face value? Without talking to the man across the street or his wife?</p><p id="8605">If your sister told you your cousin had a drug problem, would you believe it without any further inquiries?</p><p id="7639">If your answer to those questions is yes, don’t worry. It doesn’t make you a terrible person. It does, however, make you non-discerning about your information.</p><h2 id="deb8">Just like in politics, pandemics, or other major issues, it’s important to seek primary sources of information in your relationships.</h2><p id="beb1">Flying monkeys don’t do that. They blindly believe what they’re told, then often act on it or spread it, being complicit in further abuse.</p><p id="aeb1">Even in the face of evidence, they will not alter their beliefs. Trying to show them the truth will only make you look crazy and reinforce what they already believe about you.</p><p id="ce50">The reality is, the flying monkeys were never your people.</p><p id="681d"><b><i>Disclaimer: </i></b><i>This answer is for informational and edu

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cational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.</i></p><p id="6d56"><b>Dr Melissa Kalt, MD</b> is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, <a href="http://narclesslife.com/">3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist</a> and find information on working with her on <a href="https://melissakaltmd.com/">her website</a>.</p><p id="f9db">Recommended for you: <a href="https://readmedium.com/are-you-fed-up-with-people-blaming-the-victim-d9dce2d32741">Are You Fed Up with People Blaming the Victim?</a> and <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-do-covert-narcissists-mess-with-your-head-5f27c70a5978">8 Ways Covert Narcissists Mess with Your Head</a></p><p id="f3da">Are you new to Medium and want to keep reading? <a href="https://medium.com/@MelissaKalt/membership">You can subscribe here</a> for as little as $5 a month for unlimited access.</p><div id="d690" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@MelissaKalt/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Melissa Kalt, MD</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Wx5BxzEVmejyn9R3)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

How Do You Show the Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys They’re Dreadfully Wrong?

If only they knew the truth…

I don’t know what hurts worse — the narcissist’s abuse or the flying monkeys’ belief that what the narcissist says is true.

Actually, I do know.

When you’re with the narcissist, the narcissistic abuse is more painful. You aren’t even aware of the flying monkeys. In that moment, you believe they are your family, your friends.

After you’ve been beaten down to a deep, dark place, have left the relationship, and have freed yourself from immediate narcissistic abuse, things shift. You become aware of the narcissist’s flying monkeys.

You discover the people you thought were your friends and family not only can but do believe heinous things about you. You find the people you thought knew and loved you, don’t know you at all.

You are in shock and disbelief.

These people who have known you for decades, now believe…

You made up the abuse to get favor in the divorce
You abused the narcissist
You stole family finances
You had multiple affairs
You lied to the judge to get custody

Not only do they believe these things, easily proven to be false, but they are willing to testify that they are true.

You want to show them the truth, to show them who the narcissist is, to make it clear they’ve bet on the wrong horse.

Maybe you want to feel vindicated. More likely, you want them to realize they’re being deceived, to see the world clearly, to stop abusing the victims.

Yet, this will never happen.

Flying monkeys are not just supportive friends of the narcissist. They WANT to believe negative, untrue things about you.

Why?

Maybe you have a skill or talent they wish they had.
Maybe your attention to both career and parenting makes them feel inadequate.
Maybe you call them out and threaten to remove their mask, thus are a threat.

There could be so many reasons why. The part that matters is they want to believe negative things about you.

Think of it this way. If your neighbor came and told you the man across the street abandoned his wife and kids without a word, would you believe him? At face value? Without talking to the man across the street or his wife?

If your sister told you your cousin had a drug problem, would you believe it without any further inquiries?

If your answer to those questions is yes, don’t worry. It doesn’t make you a terrible person. It does, however, make you non-discerning about your information.

Just like in politics, pandemics, or other major issues, it’s important to seek primary sources of information in your relationships.

Flying monkeys don’t do that. They blindly believe what they’re told, then often act on it or spread it, being complicit in further abuse.

Even in the face of evidence, they will not alter their beliefs. Trying to show them the truth will only make you look crazy and reinforce what they already believe about you.

The reality is, the flying monkeys were never your people.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Are you new to Medium and want to keep reading? You can subscribe here for as little as $5 a month for unlimited access.

Join Medium with my referral link - Melissa Kalt, MD

As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…

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