7 Ways to Show Gratitude for Your Partner This Thanksgiving
A little appreciation goes a long way
Although we may get distracted by our yummy dinners, at the end of the day, Thanksgiving is really about gratitude and expressing how much we appreciate the people we love. And showing gratitude for your partner doesn’t have to be a huge production, even during the holidays. The following is some advice I received from relationship experts on how we can show appreciation for our partners on Thanksgiving and beyond.
Socially Conscious Gifting
This way of showing appreciation involves making a monetary donation to a social cause, program, or activist-oriented initiative being made in the partner’s name. The idea behind this kind of gift giving is to make a difference in the world and is beneficial for partners because it recognizes the things that matter to them and is an opportunity for them to give back in a way that’s very meaningful.
“Relationships thrive off of meaningful connections with one another.” — Dr. Jasmine Reed
This way of gifting is good for the relationship because it demonstrates how well the couple knows one another, which is reaffirming. Paying it forward in this way can open the couple up to other socially-oriented activities that enhance their connection by contributing to causes that mean a lot to them. Couples with shared interests can be incredibly creative and nurturing to one another, which is a powerful benefit of this way of showing appreciation.
-Sexuality and dating expert Treena Orchard, Ph.D.
Check in Every Day
Make a conscious effort every morning or evening to check in with your partner, ask about how they are doing, tell them something you appreciate about them, and ask about their day with a 20-minute conversation.
It’s not always about the grand gestures, but it’s the continual efforts to show up for your partner and show them your love and appreciation that matter. Dr. John and Julie Gottman, relationship therapy experts, describe couples having an “emotional bank account” and making bids for connection, or turning toward your partner by showing them that they’re seen and valued, are like deposits into your account.
“Who doesn’t like to feel cared for?” — Shemiah Derrick
Similar to a regular bank account, there are withdrawals and deposits you can make, and conflicts act as withdrawals, while bids for connection act as deposits. Healthy relationships have emotional bank accounts with a high balance, while relationships strife with struggle have a negative balance. Simply asking about your partner’s day and fully giving them your presence during a 20-minute conversation can be a bountiful investment in your relationship’s emotional bank account. Both you and your partner will feel more relaxed by having a conversation to unwind and feel valued that someone is willing to listen and give them their full attention.
-Licensed therapist Jane Mai Ngo, MCP, RCC
Make an Appreciation List
Ask your partner to write down three things that if you were to do those things, they would feel loved and appreciated. Writing them down helps to create connection, intention, and accountability. This could be traditional pen and paper, a text message or email, but somewhere you can keep track of it and not have to rely on your memory.
This is beneficial for your partner because it’s an opportunity for them to educate you on their needs. It can help take the pressure off because you don’t have to be a mind reader and it’s a learning opportunity. Often acts of appreciation miss the mark because they’re based on what a partner thinks their partner wants. For example, if people are into love languages, they think they should show appreciation based on what their love language is. It’s actually the other way around. Your love language is how you like to be shown love.
This is beneficial to your relationship because you’re both going to do it, so it’s an exchange that makes it a learning and connection opportunity. The trick to it is you need to update it. Monthly or quarterly, whatever makes sense for your relationship. It’s not a one and done. This allows you to learn about your partner as you both are growing and evolving. Don’t overthink it — and it doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Small gestures go a long way!
-Shemiah Derrick, LCPC, CADC, Author of The Words Between Us: A 30-Day Journal for Couples to Get Closer & Communicate with Love*
“Life brings forth many demands and one of the greatest joys of having a partnership is having a companion to share the weight.” — Jane Mai Ngo
Give Public Compliments
Take the opportunity to tell people publicly how great your partner is. Everyone loves a little praise once in a while. Make sure the praise is genuine and appropriate to who you are talking to, and avoid phony compliments.
Your partner’s self-confidence is greatly boosted when you give them compliments in public and they feel valued in that you do not shy from feeling proud of them in public. Genuine compliments strengthen relationships, improve communication, and lead to greater fulfillment. All these are key things to a better relationship.
-Jennie Miller, Co-Founder of Midss.org
Give Your Undivided Attention
One way to show appreciation to your partner is to give your undivided attention. Because we are fully immersed in a media-filled technology world, it is essential to deliberately take time for your partner. Often, distractions impact our ability to showcase and be present with our partners for them to see the beauty of the relationship truly. Providing a time when no distractions are available is a great way to show that you appreciate your partner. Set intentional time separate from others, including time away from children, because relationships thrive off of meaningful connections with one another.
-Dr. Jasmine Reed, licensed psychologist and Founder of Ubuntu Psychological Services
“Couples with shared interests can be incredibly creative and nurturing to one another….” — Treena Orchard
Do a Chore
Does your partner enjoy cooking, but dread washing the dishes? One way to show appreciation is to take an unenjoyable chore off your partner’s shoulders. Acts of service don’t just have to be about unfavorable chores: In fact, sharing the load of responsibilities establishes a couple as a team, rather than having a caretaker and child dynamic. Some people feel accustomed to taking care of all responsibilities so seeing someone share the load can seem unbelievable at first, but if you stay consistent with your care and efforts, your partner will feel relieved to have such a reliable partner. Life brings forth many demands and one of the greatest joys of having a partnership is having a companion to share the weight.
Sharing life tasks like child-rearing, homekeeping, caring for an older parent, or other maintenance tasks establishes trust within a partnership. Partners can also make the tasks more fun to do by cooking and cleaning together to build a bond.
-Licensed therapist Jane Mai Ngo, MCP, RCC
Take the Lead
This is simple, but super effective. Think about things your partner has to do or is responsible for. Pick something that is important to them or something that you notice causes stress — and do it for them or make arrangements for it to be done by someone else. Choose wisely because if it requires them to be involved to a certain extent, it could have the opposite effect. For example, if you’re going to take the dog to the vet, calling and making an appointment for your partner to take it is not the same as you making the appointment, taking it, and bringing it back easily and calmly. Surprises are always great — no need to announce that you’re going to take the lead, just do it. Giving your partner time off is an easy way to do this. You’ll take the lead on dinner, errands, etc., and they can decompress during that time.
“Everyone loves a little praise once in a while.” — Jennie Miller
This is beneficial to your partner because it communicates that you understand and can empathize with them. Pinpointing what you’re going to take on takes intention. Busy people are sometimes stressed about delegating. This removes that added stress along with the task. Ultimately it provides an exhale — a pause — where even for a few moments, there is one less thing they have to worry about.
This is beneficial for the relationship because it communicates that you are connected to your partner and committed. Who doesn’t like to feel cared for? When life throws its curveballs, it’s natural to feel caught off guard and immediately concerned about how responsibilities will get taken care of. Stepping up and taking the lead communicates to your partner that you are in it with them and they can rely on you when they may not feel at their absolute best.
-Shemiah Derrick, LCPC, CADC, Author of The Words Between Us: A 30-Day Journal for Couples to Get Closer & Communicate with Love
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