13 Things I Think When Writing a Sex Scene

What I do when faced with writus interruptus

I love writing erotica. I started doing it on a lark and quickly found that I really enjoy it. Of course, I love writing in general — which is why you’re reading this now of course! — but fiction writing is especially where my creative brain starts turning and my juices get flowing. And writing my quirky sex stories has been especially fun for me over the years.

The weird thing is, my least favorite part of writing erotica can be writing the actual sex. I love putting together the stories and I love creating a roadmap to the bedroom explaining why these people (or in some cases, ghosts or even mannequins) are having sex, but when panties drop and dicks get hard, sometimes I get stuck.

To me they sound more New England Journal of Medicine than late night one-handed reading.

Although some people get into erotica thinking it’s easy peasy — it’s just about putting tab A in slot B — they quickly find out it can be extremely challenging…even frustrating. That’s not to say that sex scenes don’t usually come together naturally for me. Sometimes they most certainly do, but other times I find my mind racing trying to get words on the page and I end up thinking all manner of things, such as:

1. “How many times have I used pussy in this story?” My go-to genital words are, without question, pussy and cock. For whatever reason, pussy and cock just do it for me. But it’s always good to switch things up, so I try to incorporate other genital descriptors into my stories — dick, mound, hot rod, love box, Vlad the Impaler, meat curtains, whatever. But usually not penis and vagina. To me they sound more New England Journal of Medicine than late night one-handed reading.

2. “Why are these two having sex again?” Sometimes I take breaks from writing a piece to work on something else or just regroup. It could be a couple of days, it could be several weeks. In some cases — like with a story I’m currently trying to finish — I take a break in the middle of a sex scene that has me stumped. But while a break can help me come back to something with fresh eyes, sometimes it’s been so long that I can barely remember who these people in bed are and why they wanted to fuck in the first place.

3. “Hmmmm, I’m a little blocked.” This happens from time to time when I’m writing sex scenes and I just don’t have a picture in my mind of where my characters should be going after they’ve gotten naked and hit the sheets. Do they need to have oral? Anal? Swing from the chandelier or just have a plain, old sweet missionary session? Sometimes my characters tell me exactly what type of sex they want; other times they leave me guessing.

4. “Should I watch some porn for ideas?” Porn sites can be an erotica writer’s best friend at times. But a lot of times, I actually find it a little boring to see out-of-context sex scenes that just amount to two pieces of flesh rotely ramming against each other for no apparent reason other than opportunity.

5. “Maybe finding a Skinemax would be better.” Watching those softcore porn movies on Cinemax was a guilty pleasure of mine for a long time before the channel phased them out. Sure, they were bad, and you didn’t see all the body parts you’ll readily get on porn sites, but at least you would get some semblance of a plot…such that it was. I appreciate that effort and I still watch softcore porn because sometimes the toned-down sex actually gets my mind wandering — so much so that I can fill in the blanks and put those pictures in my mind on the page.

Do they need to have oral? Anal? Swing from the chandelier?

6. “Grab those Joy of Sex and 203 Ways books.” The old adage tells us that a picture is worth a thousand words, and when I need to come up with a thousand words for a sex story, I sometimes grab The Joy of Sex* by Alex Comfort and flip through it for a position that seems right for a scene. I look at it, imagine my characters doing it and let my fingers run wild. Or if I need to find a random sex technique quickly, 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed by Olivia St. Claire is my favorite for ideas. In fact, I’ve had that book for a long, long time and it’s been a reference for a lot more than inspiration of the fictional variety.

7. “Wonder who is showing off today?” I don’t know how I first got turned on to a certain exhibitionist site, but I’ve been going on it for years to get inspiration for sex scenes. Sometimes there’s no one masturbating or having sex live that tickles my fancy, but other times….

8. “Oh, he’s inspiring.” I hit the jackpot and for whatever reason, I stumble on a person that really becomes my erotic muse. I watch him until I feel my juices flowing and my fingers do the walking through my scene. And if he’s….

9. “Really inspiring!” He’s so big or so sexy or so entertaining, I really get into him — and into my scene.

As I’m getting deeper and deeper into the sex, the sex is getting deeper and deeper into my psyche….

10. “I like how this scene is coming along! Cool!” Everything is falling into place! I’m watching this stranger do his thing, directing my characters doing theirs, and finding myself getting pleased with how things are progressing.

11. “Oh my, I really like it.” As I’m getting deeper and deeper into the sex, the sex is getting deeper and deeper into my psyche…and I am really pleased with the outcome.

12. “Maybe I should take a short break.” And this is when I may step away from the computer to have some quality time with the sex toys. That’s a good thing: If I’m not turned on by what I’m writing, who will be? Although I tend to get a little twinge of horniness whenever I’m writing erotica, there are times when it’s so overwhelming that I just can’t stand it. I need to take care of it. Immediately.

13. “It’s three hours later; I’m too tired to write.” Wow, I didn’t think I was going to spend that much time on self-service. I hope the readers like this as much as I did! I think it’s…time for…a n…zzzzz….

Whether I cycle through some or all of these steps, eventually my stories do get finished. Ah, the things we do for some one-handed reading.

*This article contains affiliate links.

More from Kiki Wellington: