Holiday Sex Doesn’t Have to Mean Stress
5 ways to take the pressure off and enjoy your partner
Even during normal circumstances, people can find it challenging to make time for their partners. And when you throw in the added stress of the holiday season, you may be feeling even more pressure when trying to get pleasure — and although you want to enjoy some alone time together, there may be anxiety around holiday intimacy.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are several things couples can do to take the stress out of holiday sex, so they can get through the rest of the season while still enjoying their intimate time together.
Don’t Make Holiday Sex a Chore
Chances are, you have a huge to-do list you need to get through before the holidays are over — but sex with your partner should not be treated like a chore on that list. Instead, Dr. Britney Blair, Co-Founder of the sexual wellness app Lover and Founder of The Clinic, an independent mental health clinic in Northern California, suggests that couples make sex a priority, but still keep it light and fun so it doesn’t feel like a job.
“There’s nothing better than holding your partner at the end of a stressful day.” — Nikolina Jeric
“Ideally, sex and conversations about your erotic connection are held lightly. For many couples, it becomes a source of tension or conflict and that is not sexy,” said Blair. “Consider sending your partner a sexy text message or complimenting them as a way to bring that energy into your dynamic. Try to avoid allowing your sexual connection to become something else on your to-do list. We want to prioritize, not pressure, sexual connection. And don’t forget about solo sex: This can be a great way to keep your sexual desire pump primed — especially for women.”
Think of Intimate Time As a Homecoming
The usual holiday stress can be frightful, but having alone time with your partner should be delightful. Nikolina Jeric, Founder of 2Date4Love.com, says you can give yourself something to look forward to by thinking of your time together as the daily relaxation you enjoy after coming home from a hard day.
“Couples shouldn’t feel like intimacy is a chore; instead, they can see it as the time to de-stress and relax. There’s nothing better than holding your partner at the end of a stressful day,” Jeric said. “Stress happens when we expect too much, but seeing intimacy as comfort and ‘coming home’ after a stressful day is a good way to avoid stressing about it.”
Lighten Up
You may feel frustrated that you’re not able to spend as much time with your partner as you’d like right now, but the best thing you can do is approach your quality time together with a sense of fun. Also, according to Kayla Lords, sex expert at JackandJillAdult.com, it’s important that you don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re both on the same side.
“Sex is not a race and it doesn’t have to have a beginning, middle, and end….” — Dr. Nikki Goldstein
“Approach it with a bit of humor and with the understanding that you both want the same thing — more time together,” said Lords. “As with everything in a relationship, it’s not you versus your partner, it’s both of you versus the ‘problem’ — in this case, the lack of intimacy and how you’re going to find time for it.”
Slow Down
The race to have an orgasm is just another way of turning sex into a chore. But if you slow down and just enjoy the moment, you will be able to reduce the risk of being stressed out and making the encounter much less enjoyable.
“Sex is not a race and it doesn’t have to have a beginning, middle, and end — but it can be a great way to reconnect with each other and be present,” said sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein. “Take the time to slow down, touch, caress, kiss, and be really with your partner instead of just having sex with them because you feel you should.”
Feed Your Desires
One of the best ways to reduce your stress is by paying attention to what you put into your mouth. No, not body parts — you can definitely indulge on those! But according to Christine DeLozier, L.Ac., author of The Diet for Great Sex*, the foods we eat can help the way our bodies respond to stressors — which will only help make the holiday sex we have more satisfying.
“As with everything in a relationship, it’s not you versus your partner….” — Kayla Lords
“If the holidays are stressful, let’s reduce our stress physiologically. Stress is a part of life that can reduce testosterone, making us less horny and less satisfied,” said DeLozier. “One thing you can do to make sure you don’t have holiday stress-related frigidity is by making sure you nourish your body with certain nutrients. Leafy greens, for example, are abundant in zinc, which reduces cortisol and helps to normalize testosterone. Make leafy greens a part of your daily lunch routine with a big salad.”
There’s no doubt that the holidays can be stressful — and they can even put pressure on your relationship. But with a little work and understanding, your bond with your partner, as well as your sex life, doesn’t have to become a casualty of holiday tension.
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