5 Ways to Show Appreciation for Your Partner During the Holiday Season

These tips will help your relationship all year round

The holiday season is officially upon us and we’re going to be scrambling to get everything done for the rest of the year. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take the time out to show appreciation and love for your partner — and you don’t have to make grand gestures when you do. I spoke to relationship experts about ways to show appreciation for your partner and they gave the following pointers that you can use during the holidays and beyond.

“Showing your partner gratitude helps them know you appreciate and think of them throughout the day.” — Jasmine Reed

Pay a Compliment

One of the first ways you can show appreciation for your partner is as simple as complimenting them. Focus on simplifying how you connect to your partner and identify times that your partner has done something well. Complimenting or providing words of affirmation for your partner should be sincere and specific. A genuine compliment registers to your partner that you are paying attention and recognizing them. This benefits your relationship because it allows a cycle of feeling appreciated, loved, and wanted, which can ultimately break any damaging cycles that have appeared in the past.

-Dr. Jasmine Reed, licensed psychologist and Founder of Ubuntu Psychological Services

Be Generous With Your Time

This way of showing appreciation involves sharing yourself with your partner as much as your own schedule and related activities allow, while also being responsive to the needs of your partner.

This is beneficial for partners because it shows that their partner wants to encourage the things that are meaningful to them. It also reduces the stress that can be associated with asking for help or sharing difficult experiences. If people feel like they are low on their partner’s priority list, which is directly reflected in the time spent together, then they may withdraw or feel unsupported. Perhaps most importantly, being as open and available to our partners as our lives and schedules allow signals to them that they matter, which is empowering and is often reciprocated through loving acts and gifts of time from the other person.

“Your partner will feel elated every time you show concern towards their feelings.” — Jennie Miller

This is also beneficial for the relationship because time is our most valuable resource, and if you are willing to share it that means a great deal. Time is central to the growth of relationships, including how it changes and how a couple resolves conflict. It also means creating space for your partner, which can involve in-person activities as well as daily check-ins, which often go a very long way in maintaining a harmonious, sensually-charged partnership. Time is also directly related to developing trust and creating a rich tapestry of experiences with your partner, both of which provide a strong foundation for a healthy partnership.

-Sexuality and dating expert Treena Orchard, Ph.D.

“Being as open and available to our partners as our lives and schedules allow signals to them that they matter….” — Treena Orchard

Do Something Your Partner Enjoys

Showing appreciation to your partner means providing them the spotlight and letting them feel comfortable there. One way to do this is to spend quality time with your partner doing something that they love. It’s best to avoid doing something you despise because this date is meant to be a way to express love and gratitude, and an unpleasant date for you can get in the way of that. So find an activity that your partner adores that you can also enjoy and that delights your partner. Your partner will feel prized and appreciated, and it will also allow you to enter their world, helping you understand them better.

Increased understanding and shared bonding are beneficial to your relationship because you both will gain a stronger knowledge of each other’s passions and needs. Dr. John and Julie Gottman, relationship therapy experts, describe being open to your partner’s interests, ideas, and opinions as accepting influence, which has been shown to increase flexibility and decrease defensiveness in a relationship — qualities that are fundamental to healthy conflict resolution.

Regardless of the idea you choose, it is important to express your appreciation in your partner’s love language. Love languages describe how a person tends to express and receive love. Love languages develop from childhood based on how someone was raised to experience love by observing their caretakers express love. For example, if your partner had caregivers who expressed love by eating dinner together every night, they likely value quality time because love was modeled to them in this way. Speak the same love language with your partner when showing appreciation to prevent miscommunication. Otherwise, a miscommunication in love languages can unintentionally lead to a perception of lack of appreciation and resentment in the future. We all show and experience love differently, and learning your partner’s language is in itself an act of appreciation.

-Licensed therapist Jane Mai Ngo, MCP, RCC

“Showing appreciation to your partner means providing them the spotlight and letting them feel comfortable there.” — Jane Mai Ngo

Be Understanding

Does your partner have a headache? Are they tired or in a bad mood? Ask them, listen, keep tabs, and help them feel better. Offer to pick the kids up from school or even make dinner. Your partner will feel elated every time you show concern towards their feelings. One of our most basic human needs is to be understood and you helping your partner when they’re down makes them feel understood. This builds a stronger relationship where one can be vulnerable and know that their partner cares about their vulnerabilities.

-Jennie Miller, Co-Founder of Midss.org

Express Gratitude Outwardly

Another way to show appreciation for your partner is to express gratitude outwardly. Outward gratitude can and should be shown throughout the relationship. Writing letters, random texts, cooking, picking up flowers, and surprise dates are just a few ways to show gratitude for your partner. These thoughtful acts shouldn’t be limited to just breakups or arguments. Showing your partner gratitude helps them know you appreciate and think of them throughout the day. This benefits any relationship because there becomes a mutual feeling of appreciation and feeling cared for, and the random acts communicate that gratitude is shown even if there isn’t a disagreement.

-Dr. Jasmine Reed, licensed psychologist and Founder of Ubuntu Psychological Services

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