avatarDrthefit | Ankita

Summary

The author reflects on her past feelings for a man, explaining why she has moved on and is no longer interested in rekindling their relationship.

Abstract

The article titled "To The Dude I Liked Years Ago" is a personal reflection from the author addressing a man she once had strong feelings for. She recounts the emotional labor she invested in the past, only to be perceived as trying to "trap" him. Now, years later, she expresses her disinterest in being his second choice or fulfilling any roles in his life, such as a stepmother or muse. The author emphasizes her growth and independence, stating that she is no longer available or interested in him, despite his recent attempts to reconnect via social media. She attributes her past availability to societal pressures about marriage and age but now embraces her freedom to choose more compatible partners who are emotionally mature. The author concludes by asserting her desire to explore life and relationships on her own terms, explicitly excluding the man from her future plans.

Opinions

  • The author feels she was too available and did too much emotional work in the past for the man she liked, which led to misunderstandings.
  • She believes the man saw her past availability as a sign of wanting to "trap" him, a common misconception among men in their 20s.
  • The author has grown and no longer subscribes to the societal expectation that she must be married or settle by a certain age.
  • She is confident in her worth and the quality of her current relationships, which are with emotionally mature individuals.
  • The author is clear that she does not want to rekindle the past relationship or be involved in the man's life plans.
  • She views her past desperation as a result of societal lies about marriage and availability, not as a reflection of her true feelings for the man.
  • The author encourages the man to continue his life without factoring her in, as she has moved on and is pursuing her own adventures and personal growth.

To The Dude I Liked Years Ago

I am not insulting you, I am describing you

Image Source : Unsplash

I recently got a DM on my Instagram from a dude I really liked 10 year ago. If I can time travel, I would have been jumping on excitement and whatnot. But instead of replying, I unfollowed him. You may ask why?

I made the mistake, long ago, of being too available to you. I did a lot of emotional work for you. I made it too clear that I liked you, and you assumed that meant I wanted to “trap” you.

So you did what dudes in their 20s do.

As Adele would say, we’re not kids no more. I see you sniffing around my DMs and liking my photos.

So I just wanna say — I was available before, but not now. That was not a Forever Postage Stamp. That coupon expired.

I don’t want to be your second wife. I don’t want to be a stepmom to your kids. I don’t want to be your muse. Your shot in the arm. Your second chance.

I don’t want to hear your apologies or how far you’ve come since we were in our 20s. I don’t care where you were in March 2020. I do not care about your commitment issues or unfulfilled dreams.

I do not even care if you think I’m being mean right now.

You did what dudes in their 20s do, and now I’m doing what women in their 30s do — give no fucks.

Sure, I gained some weight. I don’t look the same as I did back then, and neither do you. But…I can still get some pretty hot dudes. Some interesting dudes. Some dudes with kickass jobs who will take me on tours and trips.

I can still get the dudes with emotional maturity and not afraid to show their vulnerable side.

You might say that’s shallow. Sure! It is! And it’s great. I see why you liked it for so long.

So I know you might see me as a kind of backup because of the history we have. I would like to clarify that I most certainly am not.

See, I was encouraged to believe that if I wasn’t married by 30, I would somehow shrivel up and become unwanted. This wasn’t true. Also, most of my availability to you was predicated on this lie.

Once I realized I had options and it wasn’t actually such a dire situation, I was free to…do what I wanted.

I’m not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but part of my desperation and availability was simply built on this societal lie. It had nothing to do with you. So that should be a relief…I think?

Anyway, please continue doing what you’re doing. Do not factor me into your life plans. I am not available to you. I do not want you.

I want to have experimental relationships, sure. With people who are not you. I would be down for a threesome, sure. With people who are not you. I’m willing to travel, and explore, and reveal parts of my soul. You just won’t be involved.

So please…don’t ask why I unfollowed, like you have no idea. I unfollowed because it’s inappropriate for me to know you anymore. If you aren’t sure, maybe we can ask your wife.

Be Bold

Be Courageous

Be Your Best

______________

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Citation: https://readmedium.com/to-the-dude-i-liked-10-years-ago-983f2bc73d7

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