That’s Why I am Going To Ghost Him
Ghosting — the grown-up way of putting your fingers in your ears and going “Lalalalala- I can’t hear ya”
This is from my recent dating fiasco and it started with an unintentional right swipe.
Like most of the online dater, I was tired of swiping left. That fateful day, I specifically remember — I actually started counting how many left swipes(sometimes it even goes to ~150 without even swiping anyone right) — I am going to do it in my couch catalogue session. It’s the term I use, when I am sitting on the couch and just browsing different profiles presented to me by some strange algorithm, judging every picture, bio, and whatnot. I know — it’s not healthy, but I do just to keep my own vanity intact.
Anyway, let’s move on to my story, accident swipes happened and I am sure it happens with everyone who is on dating apps and trying to find their love of life.
He was nice and all but he was not the type of person I am usually into. He was not fitting the prospect I am looking for. But you know, after having three major failed relationships, I thought, maybe I should date someone who is not my type and may offer some different perspective to my life.
Like me, he’s not into reading, art, history, or didn’t even understand my sarcasm or my deep love for cheesy rom-com movies. But I kept going, thinking the universe may be sending me a signal to date someone whom I usually don’t connect with or just stop dating your type. Maybe this accidental right swipe is my fate or destiny. So I hoped and hoped for more.
But relationships sometimes end exactly how they began.
On our one in many dates, and that is when it hit me — I was actually starting to like someone that was not my type. Best of all, I was thinking if this is not going to work out, at least I might get good content to write on my blogs. Yeah! the novice writer in me.
As I started to get to know him thru our causal dates — I sensed a lack of interest, like he is not even trying, not trying at all. I am a big believer in not wearing out your precious shoes chasing men who are not that into you. But he assured me that my tiny senses were off and I am thinking too much.
He then gave me assurance about how sometimes women don’t think he is interested because he is shy and takes time to open up and share his feelings. And he reassured me some more. That’s when it hit me like I just fell off on the ground bluntly.
His reassurance felt cloying and a coverup and a LIE . Like when someone covers up a small lie with so many gratuitous details that you know there’s a bigger lie buried deeper.
Everyone is online now, and that means everyone is juggling multiple people. And everyone also has to be ok with it. Some people have even developed color-coded spreadsheets and keeping notes to keep details about each date straight. I have done that too. This is modern dating.
And when you are dating multiple people, sometimes small lies happen and that is okay. No one is expecting you to be one hundred percent honest. When that cute guy you are dating asks you how your weekend was, you might just say you hung out with your friends. You certainly are not going to say you went on another masked first date.
But there is something about crossing state lines that falls into a different category of shady behavior. I have gone on my share of online dates with men I later found out they are not who they say they are in terms of their work, social status, etc.
We had only dated a few weeks and we were not sleeping together. I was still going on other dates, and I assumed he was too. Bottom line — we had never talked about exclusivity because there wasn’t any need to yet.
But that’s the problem with unnecessary lies. They almost always lead to more desperate, necessary lies. And over the next few days, he sent a few “how are you?” texts or even called a couple of times.
I did not respond and just sent one word to some texts just not to sound shallow. I meant it though. I meant to ask him why he lied and have it out once I was in a calmer space. I just didn’t have the emotional and mental bandwidth for it. I know many will find my actions immature and rude.
I could have given him a chance to explain why he did that. No one is perfect and so on. But I am a person who is not good with confrontation. I might behave passive-aggressive in some situations or just avoid the conversation altogether.
But I know myself well and if I ask him, I forgive him. I know my capacity for forgiveness is boundless. If I had given him a chance to explain, I most likely would have forgiven him. There have been far too many times that I have pushed bad behavior under the rug only for that dust to settle elsewhere.
The men in my past never needed to make excuses for being jerks. I did it for them.
It’s a painful lesson we all eventually learn— liars don’t change. They just get more creative with their lies.
Once a liar is always a liar.
Ghosting is a gray lie. It’s a lie of omission. And many label ghosting as cowardly and not a mature thing to do. But when someone directly lies to you, you don’t owe them your truth or any closure in return.
When someone shows you that they are not worthy of your heart, the bravest action you can take is also the simplest — silence.
I will never know why it happened and why he was not upfront about his things when I was there to listen. If I think of a reason, probably the reason might have hurt me enough not to want to continue to date him.
That would have been a tough conversation. He chose not to have it. For my own sanity, I chose to walk away from the needless drama.
And I am sure he didn’t mean to hurt me. And he certainly didn’t mean to get caught in a lie. But he did.
Be Bold
Be Courageous
Be Your Best
If you enjoy reading it, check out my other work.
