To the Dude I Liked 10 Years Ago.
Please don’t ask why I unfollowed — You won’t like the answer,
I made the mistake, long ago, of being too available to you. I did a lot of emotional work for you. I made it too clear that I liked you, and you assumed that meant I wanted to “trap” you.
So you did what dudes in their 20s do.
As Adele would say, we’re not kids no more. I see you sniffing around my DMs and liking my photos.
So I just wanna say —
I was available before, but not now. That was not a Forever Postage Stamp. That coupon expired.
I don’t want to be your second wife. I don’t want to be a stepmom to your kids. I don’t want to be your muse. Your shot in the arm. Your second chance. I don’t want to hear your apologies or how far you’ve come since we were in our 20s. I do not care about the moment when you realized Covid was not a conspiracy. I don’t care where you were March 2020. I do not care about your commitment issues or unfulfilled dreams.
I do not even care if you think I’m being mean right now.
You did what dudes in their 20s do, and now I’m doing what women in their 30s do — give no fucks.
Sure, I gained some weight. I don’t look the same as I did back then, and neither do you. But…I can still get some pretty hot dudes. Some pretty rich dudes. Some interesting dudes. Some dudes with kickass jobs who will take me on tours and trips.
You might say that’s shallow. Sure! It is! And it’s great. I see why you liked it for so long.
So I know you might see me as a kind of backup because of the history we have. I would like to clarify that I most certainly am not. In fact, since our bodies completely replace their cells every 7 years, I have a body you have literally not touched, ever.
See, I was encouraged to believe that if I wasn’t married by 30, I would somehow shrivel up and become unwanted. This wasn’t true. Also, most of my availability to you was predicated on this lie. Once I realized I had options and it wasn’t actually such a dire situation, I was free to…do what I wanted.
I’m not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but part of my desperation and availability was simply built on this societal lie. It had nothing to do with you. So that should be a relief…I think?
Anyway, please continue doing what you’re doing. Do not factor me into your life plans. I am not available to you. I do not want you. Sure, I did, but I have about as much in common with 22-year-old me as red bottoms do with crocs.
I want to have experimental relationships, sure. With people who are not you. I would be down for a threesome, sure. With people who are not you. I’m willing to travel, and explore, and reveal parts of my soul.
You just won’t be involved.
So please…don’t ask why I unfollowed, like you have no idea. I unfollowed because it’s inappropriate for me to know you anymore.
If you aren’t sure, maybe we can ask your wife.