Psychology and Mental Health
Here’s How I Talk to Myself for Self-Therapy.
I share a personal self-conversation sample for challenging negative thoughts.
As I mentioned before, talking to ourselves is not crazy but wise. Self-conversations are therapeutic and supportive of creating constructive behavior leading to better outcomes. Self-talk is a powerful tool for growth and enjoyment in life.
Some readers who read my previous article liked the compelling idea of self-conversations. However, a few mentioned that they tried the technique, but it did not work for them. The main concern was they felt blank when they tried to have a self-conversation.
One reader said she couldn’t verbalize even a sentence to herself. She asked me to give examples from my self-conversation.
I thought it was a great idea. Thus, I recorded my self-conversation on six negative thoughts that bothered me and converted the conversations into a text.
I have no shame for my thoughts, as we all have negative thoughts naturally. They originate from our survival system.
So, this post is about my self-responses to six negative thoughts with no editing to keep a conversational tone. The story depicts how I challenged them mindfully with empathy and compassion.
Catching thoughts timely and changing their meaning to align with our values is helpful for maintaining mental health and keeping good relationships with others.
Frankly, I wouldn’t have written this type of story in my younger years because of the stigma of self-talk in society.
However, after many years of studying the brain, noticing remarkable people practicing it, and reaping the benefits of the method myself, I don’t care about what others think about my values.
Therefore, I confidently share my thoughts to encourage my readers to get benefit from this therapeutic method.
Thought 1 — This neighbor’s kid is so annoying.
Come on! He is just a lovely kid. Throwing a ball accidentally into your garden is not a big issue. Besides, the ball did not hit your head. You need to be grateful.
You used to be a child. Didn’t you annoy your parents, relatives, neighbors, and friends at all? Did you enjoy when an adult yelled at you when you accidentally threw your ball into their garden?
How about Mr. Brown when he asked you to reduce the loud music at that party with your crazy and drunk friends in your backyard? You took offense and replied to him, mind your own business, even when you were 26 years old.
This is prime time for this kid. He is enjoying his childhood. He learns by playing. He did not do anything wrong to you. On the contrary, he politely asked you whether you could throw the ball over the fence. He even called you sir. But you got annoyed as the ball interrupted your meditative state in the garden.
Thought 2- My boss keeps irritating me.
Why don’t you look at the situation from her perspective?
She has a boss like you. She is responsible and accountable for your work. She is under pressure and managing many people like you. Therefore, she has every right to call you and understand your progress. Besides, she trusts you and allows you to work from home.
How would you act if you were a boss for 60 people and your clients asked for their movement? Wouldn’t you contact each employee and understand their progress?
Thought 3 — My son gets demanding.
I don’t see his request as a demand. I know you were busy, but he is trying to achieve his goals. He is still very young and has ambitions. He does not understand your workload as you haven’t communicated clearly.
You assume he knows everything in your mind. He is growing rapidly. He needs your support in these delicate times. He will never be a teenager again. Don’t you miss his toddler years and childhood?
You are proud of him and encourage him to pursue his dreams. All he is doing is asking for some help with his project. Do you have an idea of what he is going through in his life?
You have been a teenager. Being a teenager is not an easy job, is it? He is a responsible adolescent. At his age, you were demanding of your parents too.
Thought 4 — My partner behaves uncaringly.
She asked you to remove the rubbish bin when you were busy. But she was busy too. So her work is as important as yours. She did not knock on your door and disturb you. She simply sent a Whatsapp message as a reminder, but you get annoyed by the message. She did not demand immediately. She just asked for your help as she was busy.
Besides, she might not know you were under stress and on a tight schedule. Did you tell her about your situation? You forgot and assumed she would read your mind. No one can read your mind, including your partner.
If I were you, I’d go and apologize for not removing it on time and explain your situation clearly without being defensive and judgemental. You need to take personal responsibility and get that rubbish sent to a private one as the council truck will not be here for a week.
She has been working hard and supporting you strongly for many years. This thought about her being uncaring is not appropriate. I understand your annoyance, but you are being inconsiderate by thinking like this about her.
Thought 5 — These platforms & websites upset me.
I understand you are upset with recent glitches affecting your work and causing some complaints by consumers. But, glitches happen on all websites and platforms. So, being upset does not help you. Cheer up!
Remember, you used to be a software engineer once upon a time. Think about the challenges you had on those days. Every piece of software you developed had many errors. This website gives voice to thousands of bloggers. They serve millions of readers.
Such a big platform will, of course, have some problems. You pitch not to be perfect as you are not perfect yourself. So how can you expect perfection from others? I know you are doing your best to serve your stakeholders. So do others. A little empathy and compassion for any web service can reduce your annoyance.
Thought 6 — This computer & Internet are so slow.
Really? You got this iMac as you were unhappy with your Windows 10 PC, which annoyed you a lot. Look how many tabs you opened in this machine. This is not a supercomputer. This has limited memory and processor.
You opened five browsers, and each has 30 tabs open. Besides, all your documents are synchronized to your virtual disks as backup. Why do you leave all those PDF documents open for several days? You forgot about them in the background. Just simply close all those unused documents and photos you downloaded.
Do you remember those days when you have only 5 KB of memory in your XT machine? You were much happier on those days with the performance of your PC. How quickly you forgot those days.
Do you remember your first modem giving access to bulletin boards, and you were euphoric about it? Now you have fast broadband Internet. You can easily download and upload files.
Besides, your iMac is a thousand times more powerful, and you call it slow. This does not make sense. You need to close some unused windows. It is a good machine as it never crashes like your previous Windows PC. Be grateful for this superb machine. It serves your demands so well. You should be thankful to Steve Jobs.
Conclusions
After these brief self-conversations, I felt great by acknowledging and kindly challenging each thought. My perspectives of the situation changed.
I also felt grateful for my blessing for not taking them for granted. Negative thoughts are natural, coming from our primitive brains for survival.
However, observing, catching, and responding to negative thoughts timely with the capabilities of the cognitive brain can empower us for a joyful and healthy life.
I encourage you to become your own therapist.
Here is how you can use monologue with great examples posted by Ranting Goddess. Why does an actor need to learn and perform a monologue?
Thank you for reading my self-conversations.
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