Quiz Time: Are You More Kristine or Kristen?

For each pair of sentences below, choose the one that fits you most. Score +1 point if you choose the first sentence and -1 point for the second one.

I’m Loco. Big time. I was kicked out of the Stark family before the first season started.

When in the shower, I can’t find the bottle of shampoo, even if it’s up my ass. I’m the best undertaker on the planet and got a 5-star review from my mother.

I’m the worst host on the planet and got a 1-star yelp review from my mother. I’m a failed stand-up comedian.

I have been hoarding toilet paper for eight years. I use my air fryer to achieve transcendental orgasms.

I was a child prodigy, but now I’m a loser. I don’t even know how to highlight properly.

Someone stole my dildo, so I use my middle finger instead (it’s my favorite). My reading list is made of assholes.

I lost Waldo in the supermarket, and now I can’t find him in my dishwasher. Five years ago, I was head of McDonald’s lobbying team.

I’m lazy. At Thanksgiving, I enjoy talking COVID, vaccinations, and conspiracy theories.

I can’t even find my last fuck. I won Jeopardy six hundred and seventeen times in a row, making me the ultimate world champion. But aliens traveled back in time and deleted the reels and corresponding memories in all people involved.

Results

• If you scored 10 points or more, you don’t know how to count; you’re more Kristen.
• If you scored between -3 and +6 points, congrats, you win a 36% discount on my 2020 vintage toilet paper (garage sale).
• If you scored 0 points, you are wacko; you’re more Kristine.
• If you scored imaginary numbers, you’re funnier than I thought.

Backstory

I’ve been reading Kris-tine-ten’s stories for seven years and flew three times on the Stark Lack Enterprise Spaceship (two times with my Grandma).

I’m one of the top worldwide Laco-Starko specialists.

This quiz is part of an introductory writing humor course I gave to 3rd graders last year for charitable purposes. One of these punks recorded the session and shared it on YouTok. The rest is backstory.

Smillew is a Medium artist who writes backstories to extend the reading time of his articles and enjoys piggy-backing on other writers to promote his brand. Find him selling referral links to Medium on a street corner near you!