Summary

The website content describes an offer to purchase 2020 vintage toilet paper rolls and their NFT counterparts, with a humorous tone emphasizing the product's rarity and authenticity.

Abstract

The author of the website content is selling 2020 vintage toilet paper rolls, touting them as collectible items that have been carefully preserved. These rolls are presented as a unique investment opportunity, with the seller assuring their unused condition and Grandma-certified quality, complete with the nekogomi seal of approval. For those who cannot afford the physical product or prefer digital collectibles, NFTs of the toilet paper rolls are available. The seller also caters to metaverse residents by offering meta toilet paper rolls, highlighting the low quality of current metaverse toilet paper and positioning this as a business opportunity. The content is infused with humor, referencing the toilet paper shortage during the pandemic and the seller's foresight in stockpiling the rolls.

Opinions

The seller views their toilet paper rolls as akin to aged wine, suggesting that they improve with time and are worthy of collection.
The seller claims to have a monopoly on 2020 vintage toilet paper rolls but promises not to exploit this position excessively, intending to sell at "reasonable" prices.
There is a clear distinction made between their genuine, unused 2020 vintage toilet paper and potentially fraudulent alternatives being sold by others.
The seller is capitalizing on the novelty and nostalgia of the 2020 toilet paper shortage, framing the product as a piece of history.
By offering NFTs, the seller is appealing to tech-savvy consumers and trendsetters interested in digital ownership without the physical product.
The seller mockingly suggests that the profits from selling the toilet paper could be enough to purchase a spaceship, indicating a tongue-in-cheek approach to the product's value.
The seller has personal experience with the metaverse, using it to enhance the value proposition of their meta toilet paper rolls.

I Am Selling 2020 Vintage Toilet Paper Rolls

Good price for you, my friend!

Nik took this picture of my daughter holding her favorite 2020 vintage toilet paper roll. She might agree to sell it if you put the price.

Remember.

It’s 3 AM on March 4, 2020, and I’m first in line to enter the supermarket. It will open in 4 hours. My wife is on the other side of the city, second in the queue. My 9-year-old daughter lost her place to a bully, and she’s now fourth in her queue. My sons are at home, cooking breakfast.

Our plan is simple. Buy as many rolls of toilet paper as possible. We have cash, we have backpacks and suitcases to transport them, and more than anything, we have a vision.

We’re not small-time hoarders that plan on buying all the rolls in town and reselling them on e-bay the next day. We’re savvy collectors. We know that toilet paper, like wine, gets better with age. We have the capital and resources to buy and stock the toilet paper for months. Years even.

Today — March 4, 2022.

We’re finally selling.

YES!

People of the Internet! The time has come.

After careful market research, we concluded that our 2020 vintage toilet paper rolls are the only ones left on the market. We have a monopoly but, don’t worry, we won’t take (too much) advantage of the situation. We’re going to sell these rolls at very reasonable prices. (Just high enough to buy a spaceship.)

Here are your options.

If you can’t afford the real thing, buy an NFT of a 2020 vintage toilet paper roll.

Our NFTs are certified to be non-fungible and exist only in electronic form. Made out of 0s and 1s, they will give you the feel of a 2020 vintage toilet paper roll without cluttering up your closet.

Your NFTs can be safely stored on the hard drive of your computer along with the pictures you took with your 2 megapixels camera 19 years ago.

If you’re a trendsetter and looking forward to living in the metaverse, the NFTs are for you. Click here to buy your series of 0s and 1s.

You can afford the real thing, but you live in the metaverse

We have a solution for you.

I took a shit in the metaverse once, so I know what I’m talking about. Toilet paper in the metaverse is of low quality at the moment. It’s a pity, but it’s also a business opportunity for me. (And for you.)

Click here to make an appointment in the metaverse. We’ll meet there incognito, and I’ll personally deliver some metaverse-approved 2020 vintage meta toilet paper roll for your comfort and cleanliness.

You can afford the real thing and want to buy a 2020 vintage toilet paper roll.

Our 2020 vintage toilet paper rolls are fresh and new. We haven’t used them. I repeat. We haven’t used them.

I’m sorry, but you need to be aware of all the scammers out there. Some people are selling toilet paper bought yesterday, pretending it’s 2020 vintage. Some are even selling used 2020 vintage toilet paper rolls. That’s not the kind of product we offer.

Our 2020 vintage toilet paper rolls are legit. Fully certified and audited by my Grandma, our toilet paper rolls have the nekogomi seal of quality.

We kept them under our beds for maximum protection from the sunlight and other burglars. Nobody touched them since we bought them, not even the cat.

What are you waiting for?

Click here, here, or there, and claim your 2020 vintage toilet paper roll today!

Martin took this picture of me giving one of my favorite 2020 vintage toilet paper rolls to a charity in the metaverse.

Smillew is a Medium artist who writes about the metaverse, his Medium newsletter, and his Medium referral link. No need to follow him; he’ll show up in your feed.