None of You Assholes are Saving My Stories to Your Reading Lists

Summary

The author expresses frustration over the lack of engagement with their stories, particularly the absence of readers saving them to reading lists, despite their efforts in writing and self-promotion.

Abstract

The author initially anticipated a high volume of reader engagement after learning that notifications for story saves would be implemented. However, they were met with disappointment when no such notifications arrived. This led to a self-reflective inquiry into the reasons behind the apparent lack of interest in their work, questioning whether it was due to the personal nature of their writing, the choice of images, liberal use of the "Satire" tag without full understanding, grammatical choices, repetitive kickers, or their interaction style with other writers. Despite these concerns, the author claims to have found success on other platforms and ultimately dismisses the Medium audience as "hacks." The article concludes with a sarcastic acknowledgment of a reader who saved one of their stories, maintaining the author's cynical tone.

Opinions

The author feels underappreciated and undervalued by the Medium audience.
They question the audience's taste and judgment for not recognizing the merit of their stories.
The author uses humor and self-deprecation to mask their disappointment and to criticize what they perceive as the readers' indifference.
They suggest that their writing style, which includes personal stories and unconventional grammar choices, might be unconventional but should not deter readers from engaging with their content.
The author implies a sense of superiority by mentioning success on other platforms, potentially as a coping mechanism for the lack of engagement on Medium.
There is a clear resentment towards the audience for not saving their stories, which is the catalyst for the entire piece.
The author's tone is satirical, as indicated by their own use of the "Satire" tag, and this is used to convey their frustrations in a humorous manner.

It stings

When I learned that we would start receiving notifications every time readers save our stories, I was ecstatic.

I made a bowl of popcorn and sat by my phone, waiting for the little bell icon to ping wildly with alerts. How many would I get? 20? 150? 300?

Well, it has been days of watching and waiting. Do you know how many readers have saved my stories to their reading lists?

Zero.

I contacted Medium to find out if this was a glitch. Surely, a technical malfunction had to be the answer — my stories engage and inspire. Sadly, no error was found. This can only mean one thing:

You are all assholes.

I am racking my brain trying to figure out why you don’t feel my stories are worthy of your saving. Please, help me understand.

Is it because…

I only write about myself? Who am I supposed to write about, some historical figure? That would require research, which is for nerds.

My images are of objects found in my purse? A bottle of Tums pairs just fine with a haiku about hiking.

I tag everything with “Satire” even though I don’t truly understand the meaning of the word satire? Is this story satire? Who cares. You won’t answer me anyway, asshole.

I can’t figure out how to use semicolons and colons, so I use em dashes like a crutch?

I write “KICKER” for my Kicker every time?

I tag hundreds of new writers so they think I’m like a cool, older sister?

My only comment on your stories is “Great read”?

I clap once? Twice if coffee makes my hands jittery? And in that case, I expand my comment to “Great read, subtract one clap because I accidentally clapped twice”?

I ask so many god damn questions?

Whatever. I don’t even care. I’m on Vocal and Simily and MySpace now anyway, where everyone saves my stuff ALL the time. You guys are a bunch of hacks.

PING

Oh my God, did someone just save one of my stories?

Assholes.

Thank you Roz Warren and Bev Potter for unwittingly starring in this story. I searched my notifications for a funny one and the gem above called out to me in a halo of light.

The notification screenshot is in reference to Bev’s excellent pronoun story:

Spoiler alert: It ends with “Bye, Felicia.”

None of You Assholes are Saving My Stories to Your Reading Lists

It stings

Stop Complaining About Pronouns

It makes you sound like an old man complaining about women wearing pants.