POLITICS, RELIGION, HISTORY
Kanye West Claims the World Will Achieve Enlightenment When They Forget the Abhorrent Evils of Their History
Fahrenheit 312
African-Americans have brought up the past to remind us of how significant their contributions were in creating this nation. Kanye West has now set civil rights back 200 years by telling us to forget history.
Kanye West promoted this outrageous belief to address the backlash following his appearance on Alex Jone’s Infowars. West spent the full hour orgasming to Adolf Hitler behind an outfit that covered his head, face, torso, and hands. We were thankful that West dressed up in a gimp suit. He spared the world from witnessing his semen stains.
West began on his LiveStream.
“I went on Alex Jones’s show a few days ago. It was a bad experience. Jones kept on saying I’m not a monster like Adolf Hitler. How DARE this Gay Frog lover insult me! I worked so hard to be recognized as Hitler!
“Imma sue Jones for slander! He’ll then pay me a billion dollars for insulting me. Oh wait, he’s paying that much to Sandy Hook victims? Who cares about a few parents when a God got his feelings hurt?
West shook his head.
“Anyways, you all made a big deal about my comments. Yes, I love the Jews, Nazis, and Hitler. But I’m not an anti-Semite. I’m an enlightened individual.
“All my life, I’ve been pushing my limitations. I’ve done what no man could ever do.
- I became the first producer to be a global superstar.
- I turned a common sneaker brand into a luxury company.
- I got a uterus transplant after my doctor told me that males can’t be pregnant.
- I became the first man to give birth. Even though my child is my ex-wife’s ex.
“I’ve conquered the financial world, music world, the fashion world, and the worlds on Kim Kardashian’s body. Specifically the boobies and asscheeks. All that’s left is to conquer the spiritual world. That’s why I sought enlightenment.
“I did so after one month in a Thailand monastery. No, it wasn’t only through snorting meth with the monks. But also through following two principles.
- Love everyone. Especially racists, anti-Semites, sexists, and pedophiles. I love rapists like Harvey Weinstein because I’m a rapper. The difference between me and him is the letter ‘p’. And I just got rid of my pee 2 minutes ago. Who knew my bondage gear functions as well as a toilet?
- Ignore the past. Disney told us to Let it Go. So why are we still teaching slavery? It’s not a horrific event, it’s a choice! Why did our black ancestors not escape their genocide? They could have bought their freedom by dropping their own gospel hit record! Did none of ‘em watch my documentary Jean-Yuhs?
“You all say I’m being ignorant when I forget history. But you all do so every year! We all know Christopher Columbus butchered the Native Americans and sold the underaged tribal girls as sex slaves. This nation wasn’t built on collaboration, but on abuse and exploitation! Americans don’t care because they got days off from work out of it!
“What about kids being taught that Thanksgiving was a nice dinner with two racial groups living in harmony? IT WAS A HOLOCAUST! It’s greek for ‘burnt sacrifice offered to a god’! The Native Americans were killed just to pave way for my life about 500 years later!
“What Disney shit are we brainwashing our kids with? We’re next gonna say that 4 years of Civil War was nothing more than a supper dispute that was resolved by Abraham Lincoln in 4 minutes and 7 seconds?”
West sighed.
“I get it though. Kids are idiots. You tell them America was built on villains, they’ll think all Americans are evil. They won’t listen to anything we say after that. I just got done convincing my son that he can’t fly like Superman if he jumps off a building. Though he might have a shot if he believed in the idea as much as I believed in my superstardom.
“But we’re still lying to them about America’s origins. Why? Because we love them. Everyone deserves this love. Even the criminals and racists.”
We asked the black skinhead if he even loves people. West’s history of harassing celebrities is longer than the Civil War.
“Yeah, I admit. But I abused them because I love them.
- I verbally and emotionally abused my ex-wife. I gave her enough attention to attack her in public!
- I said Bush hates black people when he provided subpar relief during Hurricane Katrina. I used up my Hurricane Katrina air time to give him a shout-out!
- I compared Obama to Hitler when the president killed the Iraqis with drones. I compared him to a great man like Hitler!
- I dropped a song that claimed I made Swift famous. I said I wanted to have sex with her. Why was she not flattered?
- I wanted to rape a Jew for my social sculpture. I want to gift her my semen so she can birth the next global superstar. Why would she want to turn that down?
“Love thy neighbor as thyself. Evils of history is holding us back from loving with our whole heart. Nazis should be friends with the Jews. The KKK should be friends with Black Lives Matter. The pedophiles should be friends with pre schoolers. MAGA should be friends with people of common sense.
“Reddit bought Parler to fuel this mission. They figured out enlightenment before I did. It’s time I commercialize on these principles.”
West then urged his viewers to join him in a Nazi hymn. His singing was quickly cut short when a member of Vladimir Putin’s secret service intervened. The agent called off the live stream on grounds that West violated the rules of his conservatorship.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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