POLITICS
Donald Trump Vows to Deport “Bad Hombre” George Santos for Angering the Public Daily With His Lies
POT-US calling the kettle black
A Republican con man attacking another Republican con man is a sight to behold. For the GOP, this is a typical Tuesday afternoon.
Donald Trump jumped on Twitter to blast Republican New York Congressman George Santos for lying about everything during his congressional campaign: race, education, religion, sexual preferences, etc. Santos tried to win over the New York melting pot demographic by identifying as every minority. The Mexican Mystique is one disability away from getting a full-ride affirmative action scholarship to New York University.
Trump ranted during his live stream.
“I’ve stated that USA has some bad hombres that we need to get out. Mexico sends over their rapists, drug dealers, and pedophiles.
“Santos is one of those Latino trash who crossed the border illegally. No, he said he was born here. But are you gonna believe him when he lied about his entire past?
- Santos claimed he lost four employees to the Pulse Nightclub shooting in Florida in 2016, even though no victim from the shooting worked for him. This was a dumb lie. How can the victims work for him if they are already dead?
- Santos claimed he worked for Citigroup and Goldman Sachs, even though both companies had no record of him working there. Why didn’t he say he worked at Trump Bank? How dare he thinks the best bank in the world is not on the same level as these banks!
- Santos claimed he’s always been gay, even though he married a woman in 2012. Why did he choose to be gay?
- Santos claimed he had degrees from Baruch College and New York University, even though he never graduated college. Those are not even the best colleges of New York. Was Santos afraid his imaginary self was too dumb for Columbia University? SAD.
- Santos claimed he’s a proud American Jew, even though he’s from Brazil. To his credit, he lies as much as a Jew.
- Santos claimed he was born a poor, black child. Is this his best impression of Dean Browning?
“Santos admitted to his lies, but claimed he’s not a criminal. Guess what? He lied about that too! Santos confessed to Brazilian check fraud cases in 2008!
“Santos lied so much that I look like Honest Abe in comparison. What if Santos lied about being Republican? Did he lie about supporting me? How dare he deceive me!
“Santos is not a politician. He was a politician before he got caught lying. I like people who weren’t caught lying.
“I’ll deport this loser. Send his lying ass back to Brazil!
We reached out to Trump to ask why he wanted to deport Santos for lying. Trump scoffed.
“I don’t care if Santos is a liar. I’m just mad that he didn’t embrace his lies. This goes against core MAGA beliefs.
“I admit I’m a liar. I admit I’m a rapist. I admit I’m an idiot. That’s why people voted for me! Not because I’m a decent human. Because I’m a honest human who says what they’re thinking. They see themselves in me when I admit my flaws!
“I don’t take any responsibility for my words. It’s not my fault that MAGAmorons blindly follow my lies to storm the capitol. Any sensible person knows not to trust me.”
We asked Trump how he was going to deport a man who was born in the USA.
“You honestly believe Santos was born in the USA? You’re just as gullible as my supporters!
“Where is Santos’s birth certificate? Is Santos actually born in the USA? He could have been born in Brazil, crossed the boarder, and made up a USA birth certificate! Just like President Barrack Obama!”
We told Trump that Obama proved that he was legally born in Hawaii and not Kenya.
“Duh, I know that! My supporters don’t care about the truth. I’m just acknowledging their feelings.
“Plus, I want to bring Birthism back. Doing so in Obama’s tenure was my greatest accomplishment in the 21st century! People forgot this, so I’m reminding them.”
We asked Trump if deporting one of his strong supporters would affect his campaign.
“If Santos truly cared about me, he would have funded my presidential campaign against Ron DeSantis. He would have blasted the GOP for distancing themselves from me.
“He did none of that. Just like every other Republican, he turned his back on me. I now have to beg my enemy for funding.
“At least one of my loyal followers still stuck with me through thick and thin: Marjorie Taylor Greene. She’s the only person I will not kick out of this country.”
Trump then turned to the camera.
“Nick Fuentes, if you’re watching, stand back. I love your white nationalism and anti-Semitism. But you’re treading on thin ice when you attack Greene for her hypocrisy. As long as Greene supports me, she can fuck any hippie tantric guru during her next marriage. She can start a genocide against Muslims to reduce Islamophobia.
“Tread lightly, Fuentes. Else, I’ll deport you too. Just as I do with Santos.”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
UPDATE: On December 2, 2023, George Santos was expelled from Congress.
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