Reddit Doubles Down on Free Speech Initiative By Acquiring Parler
Twitter threw Donald Trump in the trash. Reddit is now hoarding the scraps as treasure.
TechCrunch broke the news of this recent acquisition by the social network aggregation website.
CEO Steve Huffman expressed excitement towards the future of Reddit as a proponent of free speech.
“We at Reddit pride ourselves on free-speech for every group. Our mission is to include all social groups, regardless of sexual preferences, political beliefs, education status, and more.
“We’ve noticed how unfair we treat other minority groups. Not just the blacks and LGBTQ. But also the racists, pedophiles, rapists, criminals, rednecks, and other groups that are ostracized by Cancel Culture. It’s unfortunate that we are still discriminating against these minor communities. The world would be a much better place when a liberal, career-oriented Jew can chat with an anti-Semitic, unemployed white nationalist in a coffee shop. Or a KKK member with an African-American from the hood. Or a 6-year-old with Kevin Spacey.
“We have made significant progress on this front by allowing racial slurs to persist. However, we are far from perfect. We hired Aimee Challenor, a transgender and pedophile activist, as chairmen of the Reddit community. Challenor has a husband and father who are both proud of their sexual desire for children, so we felt she could help us Redditors relate better with these sexual deviants.”
We brought up that Challenor no longer works at Reddit. Huffman sighed.
“Unfortunately, we caught her banning and removing posts that called out her father for raping a 10-year old girl. She tried to silence other Redditors, and thus violated our free speech initiative. We had to let her go.
“But now is not the time to dwell on the past. We noticed a growing demand for conspiracy theorists, terrorists, and haters of the American government. We at Reddit hear your concerns loud and clear. Therefore, we are pleased to acquire Parler and hope to support people against democracy.”
This news caught the public off guard, with some vowing to leave Reddit for their support of hate speech. One surprising voice of support is Amazon, who stated that they will continue hosting Reddit on AWS. “Unlike Parler, Reddit has a vast consumer base. Most of our revenue comes from hosting this site, and we will do anything we can to keep our partnership going.”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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