Is It Possible to Completely Heal from Covert Narcissistic Abuse?

Yes, and the benefits are beyond your wildest imagination…

It felt like my world was spiraling out of control. I was terrified it would never get better. I hit rock bottom — hard.

For decades, I’d been the typical victim of covert narcissistic abuse — someone who had no idea they were a victim. Sure, I knew I was miserable. I may have even admitted on a good day that some of my relationships were toxic.

But I had no idea the depths of undermining, sabotage, gaslighting, and deception that impacted every aspect of my life. And I was in no way prepared for the unleashed fury of a smear campaign when I’d finally had enough.

Out of nowhere, I was flung into a death spiral of uncertainty and loss of control. My world was crashing down. As my world and my relationships crumbled, I realized none of it was real.

And at the depths of that spiral, I couldn’t see a world that could be better. I saw no way out.

The reasonable and warranted fear of the survivor…

Now, in my work with thousands of survivors as a trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery expert, I hear a similar sentiment daily. Is it actually possible to completely heal?

Each person on the other side of that question is in their own death spiral of uncertainty and lack of control. They are distraught about the past, but even more fearful of the unknowns of the future.

Will my kids be okay?
Will I financially recover?
Will I ever be able to trust again?

Their underlying question, Is it possible to completely heal? is problem-focused and laden with doubt. The survivor seeks confirmation that they will be permanently broken but learn to survive. Permanently broken is what they believe. Learn to survive is their best hope in that moment.

Unfortunately, this thought pattern doesn’t produce answers, growth, or healing. It leaves the survivor feeling stuck and provides additional evidence that their plight is permanent.

But what happens when the question is reframed as solution-focused? It then becomes…“How do I heal completely?”

That is a question with an answer. And the underlying belief is correct; yes, it is possible. The first step is to shift into a place of possibility, asking solution-focused questions.

When you want a better answer, ask a better question

Learning to ask better questions, generative questions, is a widely applicable skill. I think of generative questions as having three primary characteristics:

They are open-ended.
They assume an answer or solution exists.
You have distilled the essence of your question.

On a daily basis, in a variety of contexts, I see non-generative questions. They look something like this…Paragraph, paragraph, paragraph, paragraph, paragraph, paragraph. Any advice?

The likelihood of getting someone to read this is minimal. The likelihood of getting a quality answer is non-existent. If you don’t spend the time to clarify your question, the reader certainly won’t.

Imagine the answers you might get from these questions instead…

How do I tell my grandkids about why I divorced their grandfather?
How do I establish boundaries with a narcissist when I have to maintain contact?
How can I improve my social media to be visible to my ideal client?
What are some ways I can generate additional income as a writer?
What are your favorite high protein, low fat, vegetarian soups?

These questions are all very specific. They also will generate quality answers when presented to the right person.

To cultivate a spirit of possibility, choose your influencers wisely

Social influence is a powerful force. We adopt the beliefs and habits of those around us. And even more, we adopt the beliefs and habits of their influencers. We lose the ability to discern what we believe to be true in favor of being part of the crowd.

As Seth Godin says, “People like us do things like this.”

Pause for a moment and take an inventory of the people who influence your beliefs about narcissistic abuse recovery — authors, YouTubers, support group leaders and participants, therapists, friends, and family.

Chances are they don’t believe complete healing is possible. Why? Because they haven’t done it. This doesn’t make them bad people and it doesn’t make their voice less worthy. It does, however, make them a poor choice as an influencer for your belief system.

If you want to do something you’ve never done, you can choose to stay stuck in the crowd or follow the path of someone who has already done it.

This year, as I…

Further develop my public-speaking skills, I’ll learn from someone who is a persuasive speaker and thought leader.
Grow my business, I’ll learn from someone who is making 7+ figures and living a balanced life intentionally.
Strengthen my abs, I’ll learn from someone who has done the same despite multiple c-sections.

Your belief is the limiting or limitless factor.

Complete healing is not only possible, but its benefits are beyond your wildest imagination. I know because I’ve completed my healing.

Some of the highlights include,

A soulful marriage with a man I love,
Authentic relationships with my kids,
Radically improved health and wellness,
Falling in love with the truth of who I am,
Knowing that I’m enough,
Knowing I deserve the best in life,
Radical personal development and growth,
Deep inner peace,
The opportunity to serve deeply through my business,
Delighting my creativity and multi-passionate nature through entrepreneurship,
Writing and speaking opportunities,
And so much more.

As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Your beliefs create your thoughts. Your thoughts generate your feelings. Your feelings impact your behavior. Your behavior and actions create your results. The formula looks something like this:

Belief →Thought →Feelings →Behavior →Result

Conclusions and Takeaways

To conclude, it is possible to completely heal from narcissistic abuse. Take a sigh of relief and let that really sink in for a moment.

Belief in possibility is the first step toward achieving any goal. To cultivate your belief…

Reframe your questions in a generative, solution-focused way to find the answers that you seek.
Choose to follow the path of those who have accomplished your goal rather than being influenced by those who haven’t.
Invite inspiration to create your belief in possibility, the foundation for getting results.

As one who has completed her healing journey, my wish for you is that you believe healing is possible for you. Once you’re there, I can show you how to heal. That’s the easy part.

If you believe it’s possible and are committed to taking action, I’ve put together a New Year’s Bundle with everything you need to get started. (Limited to 25 people.)

Disclaimer: This is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma/covert narcissistic abuse recovery expert and entrepreneur who helps high-impact survivors break free from the longstanding aftereffects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free guide, Was Any Of It Real? and find information about working with her on her website.