Unimaginable Ways Narcissists Secretly Sabotage You
Their hidden revenge
Narcissists are desperate to hold onto two things — narcissistic supply and their made-up version of reality. They protect both fiercely.
A narcissist will take revenge on anyone who threatens to disrupt either. If you threaten to remove their supply — become indifferent, leave the relationship, expose who they are — they will retaliate. If you remove their mask, even if from a place of innocence and love, you will feel their wrath.
This can be so confusing.
As an empath, you feel their anger. Yet, they tell you they are fine. You feel the rage burning inside them. They pretend things are good.
Then comes the sabotage
The narcissist will sabotage that which is most important to you. And they do it in a way you’ll not likely notice.
The narcissist’s sabotage is so skillful they make it appear as though they were trying to be helpful.
If you are a spouse who threatens their made-up reality, they may
- “Put away” your important things in a place they’ll never be found again, causing a great deal of searching and distress
- “Buy a gift” that cannot be used, such as cashew fudge, when you’re allergic to cashews, then act hurt when you won’t eat it
- “Help with the schedule” and accidentally delete your calendar
With children who have pulled off their mask, they may
- Tidy up and “unknowingly” throw out a child’s school project the night before it’s due
- Help with Christmas prep and “accidentally” ruin the secret of Santa for a child by labeling a gift from Santa, when the child picked it out
- Start some laundry and “accidentally” throw a child’s uniform into the wash right before the game
If you’re a coworker who threatens their false narrative, they may
- Help with meeting prep and “misplace” an important file before your big presentation
- Transfer your biggest client’s call and “accidentally” disconnect them
- Bring you a brownie as a treat, having baked it with Ex-lax
It’s a narcissist win-win
They get to watch you stressed and in distress trying to fix the situation they orchestrated. This gives them tons of narcissistic supply.
And if you do catch on and call the narcissist out on their behavior, they will deny involvement or claim it was an “accident.” They are masters of plausible deniability.
- What? I would never intentionally hide your keys
- My finger slipped and I accidentally disconnected them
- I was trying to get laundry started. You work so hard
- I was just trying to help. Next time I won’t bother
- I thought you’d appreciate the help. Guess I was wrong
The ways the narcissist sabotages are so heinous, no one else believes it’s even possible that it was intentional.
You will look crazy for even suggesting their action it.
The narcissist gets additional supply when no one believes you — and even more when you start to doubt yourself.
The narcissist sits back and gloats, “That’ll teach you…”
Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.
Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.
Recommended for you: How to Set Healthy Boundaries and How Does a Covert Narcissist Undermine Your Competence?
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