How Long Does It Take to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse?

My recovery has taken a lifetime so that yours doesn’t have to

I know you are struggling. Wondering if life will get better. Wondering if it’s possible to truly heal after narcissistic abuse. Wondering how you’ll survive until then.

You feel so stuck.

You wonder if anyone has healthy relationships, or if the idea is merely a pipedream.

You wonder if you’ll ever be able to trust people again.

You wonder if the day will come when you don’t suspect everyone of being a narcissist.

How do I know?

Because I was you.

My own recovery took a lifetime. The struggles, the confusion, the fear, the angst — I felt it all.

The silver lining? I have now reached the point where I am unflappable. Why? Because I now know who I am so deeply and with such certainty, that if all 8 billion people on this planet said otherwise, I would know and stand in the truth. Through adversity, I gain. I’ve become antifragile.

What took me a lifetime, I now share with others. Most of my one-on-one intensive clients complete their recovery in 6 months. Others take closer to a year, depending on how fast and how deep they wish to go.

Here’s what I’ve learned from a lifetime of healing

Recovery time for narcissist survivors has several variables.

• Whether you had a narcissist parent
• The duration of the relationship
• The number of relationships with narcissists
• The type of relationship (family, romantic partner, friend, business partner)
• The type of narcissist

Let’s look at each in detail.

Having a narcissist parent: The narcissist parent not only creates the lens for how you see them, but they also create the lens for how you see yourself and the world.

This lens determines

• Whether you feel safe.
• Whether you see people as kind and loving or out to use and exploit you.
• Whether you see others as trustworthy.

Your other parent may not have done much to affect your lens. Or they may have shown you a different reality, initially leading to great confusion, but later giving you hope.

The duration of the relationship: Your recovery time depends largely on how long your reality was distorted, how long you were abused. Typically, recovery is faster if you get out after 2 years, rather than 20.

The number of relationships with narcissists: The more narcissists who have warped the way you see the world, the longer it may take to heal.

On the other hand, the more narcissists who have targeted you, the sooner you may hit a breaking point where you say, “Enough!” like I did — being targeted by several narcissists — family, spouse, bosses, and more during the first 45 years of my life.

The type of relationship: A narcissist parent or other family relationship can result in the most challenging recovery. They shape the way you see the world. It takes time to unlearn all that you thought was “true.” It also can be far harder to extract yourself from that relationship, compared to a casual acquaintance.

A narcissist spouse can also spur a long recovery. Not only is there a legal contract and lifelong commitment, but you also live with this person. You may share children with this person.

Recovery from narcissistic abuse from a friend, boss, co-worker, or business partner can be challenging, yet often happens faster.

The type of narcissist: Abuse is abuse. It’s all bad. That said, it can be easier to spot grandiose and malignant narcissists, so it’s often easier to interpret their behavior and see the relationship for what it was. Family and friends often tell you they never liked that relationship for you.

Covert narcissists, on the other hand, abuse in ways that are so subtle, so hidden, that they are hard for you to see, much less the world. It’s hard to recover from abuse when your friends and family see your partner as a catch and you as the one to blame.

How long does it take to heal?

Some complete their healing in six months. Others never fully heal.

How long it takes is entirely up to you.

It sounds flip, but it’s true. You are in the driver’s seat.

You can choose to wallow in your misery, being constantly at war with what is or you can accept your story — that you were abused by a narcissist, that you didn’t see it (or even subconsciously encouraged it), that both resulted in your abuse — then offer yourself compassion.

When you accept what is, you shift out of suffering and move forward from a place of empowerment. From there, anything becomes possible.

When you are ready…

The first step to recovery is through awareness and education. Understanding narcissism and being able to see the tactics so clearly, that it’s impossible not to see them, is profoundly impactful. Knowledge is power.

All five steps are detailed here.

Many blessings to everyone who needs and reads this answer.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Recommended for you: How to Get Closure After Narcissistic Abuse and 10 Strategies to Use When Ending a Relationship with a Covert Narcissist

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