Summary

Narcissists employ deceptive tactics to manipulate perceptions of themselves and their victims, often leading to detrimental actions by those they deceive.

Abstract

The article discusses the manipulative strategies narcissists use to deceive others, including creating a false image of themselves and distorting their victims' self-perception. Narcissists engage in love bombing, making grandiose statements to appear trustworthy and desirable, while simultaneously undermining their victims' confidence and autonomy. This manipulation can lead individuals to act against their better judgment, compromising their values and well-being out of fear of losing the relationship. The text emphasizes the importance of recognizing these deceptive tactics, trusting one's instincts, and prioritizing self-love and integrity over fear-based compliance.

Opinions

The author suggests that narcissists are adept at presenting an idealized version of themselves to gain trust and admiration.
Narcissists are portrayed as manipulators who distort their victims' self-image to make them more susceptible to control.
The article implies that victims often ignore their intuition and engage in actions that conflict with their values or sense of self-preservation due to the narcissist's influence.
It is the author's view that the fear of losing the narcissist perpetuates the cycle of deception and self-compromise.
The text advocates for self-empowerment, encouraging individuals to reject fear and embrace self-love and authenticity.
The author, Dr. Melissa Kalt, MD, positions herself as an expert in trauma and covert narcissistic abuse, offering a guide and resources for healing and recovery.

What Do Narcissists Say When They Are Trying to Deceive You?

And why is it so hard to hear the truth?

Look, consciously or subconsciously, narcissists are ALWAYS trying to deceive you.

Narcissists try to deceive you into…

Believing they are someone they are not
Believing you are someone you are not
Doing something you wouldn’t otherwise do

Most often, they try to deceive you about all these things at the same time. When you break it all down, you realize none of it was real.

The narcissist deceives you into believing they are someone they are not

This is love bombing at its finest. The narcissist creates the lens for how you see them.

I love musicals, too!
I love to travel.
I’m a morning person.
I’m totally into…
Let me get that for you.
Let me help you with that.
It’s my treat.
It’s no big deal.
No thanks necessary.
I’m a family man.
I want to raise a family in the church.
When I have them, I want to quit my job to stay home with my kids.
Honesty is the most important quality in a relationship.
I can tell you anything.
My ex broke my heart. I want to take things slow.
I’ve never felt like this before.
I feel like you really get me.
I’ve never felt safe with anyone before. There’s a part of me that wants to let you in.
I have really bad luck in relationships. Better not get too close.

The narcissist deceives you into believing you are someone you are not

The narcissist also creates a lens for how you see yourself. This makes you far easier to manipulate.

Are you sure you want to wear that?
I’m surprised they chose you for the speech.
You’re not really going to go, are you?
You don’t really think you’ll get the promotion, do you?
I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.
It’s time to get your head out of the clouds.
Earth to (insert your name).
This is why people think you’re intimidating.
Maybe they’ll take you more seriously if you dress the part.
Maybe you should wear a little makeup.
You’re so insecure.
You’re so controlling.
You have no reason to be jealous.
You’re too sensitive.
Can’t you take a joke?
You’re so high maintenance.
Nothing is ever good enough for you.
What’s wrong with your meal this time? Let me guess. Is it too hot or too cold?

The narcissist deceives you into doing something you wouldn’t otherwise do

The narcissist is testing you here, testing their power and control over you.

Just tell your mom we got stuck in traffic.
Let me take your car. You can trust me.
I just need $100. I’ll pay you back Friday.
If you don’t get rid of your cat, I can’t spend time over here.
Let me move in here — unless you’re not serious about us…
It’s me or your best friend. You need to choose.
You work too hard. Your boss can wait another day.
I know you have a big presentation tomorrow, but I need to hear your voice.
You’re not seriously going to get vaccinated, are you?
Take your pants off now or I’m leaving. Your choice.

How to detect the deception

Some call it listening to their heart. Others call it listening to a gut instinct. Maybe you just recognize it as body wisdom.

There’s something about the narcissist’s statement that you just KNOW isn’t true or something about their proposed action you KNOW isn’t right for you.

You lie to your mom and feel sick inside.
You give the narcissist the keys to your car, even though you know it’s a bad idea.
You’re heartbroken about giving away a pet.
You say “yes” to moving in together when you know it’s too soon.
You end a 20-year friendship.
You turn your back on your dedication and hard work and let your work effort slide.
You stay up all night on the phone when you know you need rest.
You let the narcissist influence your healthcare.
You have sex when it doesn’t feel right.

Why do you do these things? Because the narcissist set up the other deception so perfectly and trained you not to listen to your heart, your gut, your body.

The narcissist created the lens for how you see them. You believe them to be trustworthy, honest, reliable, loving, thoughtful, successful, a catch.

The narcissist also warped the lens for how you see yourself. They’ve eroded your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth to make you easier to manipulate. They’ve taught you not to trust yourself.

You believe you must do what the narcissist wants to keep the relationship.

Think about that for a minute. Your willingness to go against your heart, against your gut, is based on fear. You’re afraid if you don’t lie, give away your pets, end your friendship, or stay up all night, you’ll lose the narcissist, the relationship.

The truth is, you’ve been deceiving yourself

You’ve been deceiving yourself out of fear.

It’s time to say no to fear and yes to love.

Love doesn’t make you compromise who you are, your character, your well-being — ever. If taking care of you, being true to yourself, or standing in your truth ends the relationship, it wasn’t a relationship worth keeping.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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