POLITICS
Fox News Panel Mocks President Joe Biden For Stating the Earth Is Round
Kyrie Irving’s wet dream
Fox News was right in its lawsuit. No sane viewer would take the network seriously.
The entertainment channel masquerading as a news outlet had a humorous debate. Grown adults debated a question that was addressed before Jesus Christ was born. We tuned into the network to get a good laugh.
Lavern Spicer
So get this. Joe Biden tweeted.
“Happy Earth day! May we find new ways to go green and protect our planet all around the world!”
This man is the president of the free world, and he doesn’t know that the earth is flat?
Marjorie Taylor Greene
OH MY TRUMP! BIDEN IS SO DUMB.
What’s he next going to say? That the Holocaust happened?
Lavern Spicer
This is almost as bad as Biden mistaking Smokey Robinson for Smokey the Bear.
Laura Ingraham
Did he really call the earth round? I don’t understand. It’s obviously flat. Is he thinking in terms of woke beauty standards?
For the last time libtards, Lizzo is neither flat nor beautiful. She is round and fat.
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Biden is so bad at his job that he can get me to agree with a transgender.
We need to impeach Biden. Just like we tried to do with Santa Claus.
Donald Trump
Sleepy Joe is a SAD loser. His dementia is acting up. He can’t reason with a stable genius like me!
Vivek Ramaswamy
I 100% agree with you, Trump! No one can match your competence.
Donald Trump
Thank you, Vivek! Very cool!
Vivek Ramaswamy
Now can I be your Vice President?
Donald Trump
No. You’re too brown. You look like Kabul Kamala.
Plus, you can’t be on my ticket when you ran against me. That’s what you get when you stand with the losers.
Ben Shapiro
OK, this is getting ridiculous. We need to acknowledge that science is a phenomenon.
No, the world is not flat. The world is round, and it is deeply irresponsible for you all to say it is.
Donald Trump
Look everyone! It’s Inbred Ben! The guy who wants to sleep with his sister and produce an offspring to dethrone me!
All that “keeping it in the family” is really affecting your brain, Ben.
Ben Shapiro
Trump, didn’t you sleep with your daughter?
Donald Trump
Yes, but it doesn’t matter. I am a stable genius! Nothing can affect me!
Lavern Spicer
Ben, how dare you support science! Are you a woke liberal?
We have experts that proved the earth is flat! Most notably Kyrie Irving.
Ben Shapiro
Isn’t he a basketball athlete?
Lavern Spicer
He is! He’s an expert at dribbling a ball! He knows what is round and what isn’t.
George Santos
I’ll just say that the earth can be whatever it wants to identify as. We can’t put labels on the earth for being round. If it wants to be flat, then it is flat.
Ben Shapiro
Who invited George Santos to this discussion? He doesn’t identify as a Republican anymore.
Get out Bicurious George. Go back to watching Dan Patrick’s OnlyFans content.
Kirk Cameron
Guys, the Bible mentions the Earth is round. Isaiah 40:22 cites “the circle of the earth”. Therefore, the Earth has a round shape.
Lavern Spicer
So you’re bringing the Bible into this? Didn’t you urge your followers to ignore the Bible for its contradictions?
Kirk Cameron
That is true. Sometimes, the Bible doesn’t know what it’s talking about. It’s up to us humans to cherry-pick the information we want.
Laura Ingraham
Let’s bring another religion into this. We need to consult a leading expert in Islam to explain whether the world is flat. Preferably an Ayatollah of Iran. I’m obviously talking about Tucker Carlson.
Tucker, what does the Qu’ran say about the flat earth?
Tucker Carlson
I have a couple of phrases to answer that.
Qu’ran 71:19: And Allah has made the earth for you as a carpet (spread out).
Qu’ran 15:19: And the earth We have spread out (like a carpet); set thereon mountains firm and immovable; and produced therein all kinds of things in due balance.
So I think the Earth is as flat as a carpet.
Marjorie Taylor Greene
The Muslims have so much more common sense than Biden! We need our brothers of Allah around! To protect them, I will end Islamophobia by starting a Muslim genocide.
Ben Shapiro
You guys are kidding, right? The Qu’ran does NOT say the earth is flat! It just says it’s spread out like a carpet for us to walk on. From our perspective, it seems like it’s flat. But it is actually round.
Lavern Spicer
Go cry to mommy, nerd. You’re such a liberal snowflake.
No sane person believes the earth is round. Especially my good friend Kari Lake.
Kari, do you think the earth is round?
Kari Lake
That’s GOVERNOR OF ARIZONA Kari Lake to you!
Ben Shapiro
Geez, you’re still going on about that? You lost. Just accept it.
Kari Lake
I WILL MURDER YOU!
Lavern Spicer
Please do. We can’t have any round earthers here.
Laura Ingraham
Oh wait, my producer just told me the Earth is indeed round. It’s been proven by science. Like 2,500 years ago.
Marjorie Taylor Greene, you didn’t bother to correct us? You spent your teenage years in 3rd Century BC, did you not?
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Duh! But I am the last of the neanderthals. We were too busy actually hunting and getting food than wasting time on books and science. Reading was a luxury we couldn’t afford.
I hunted for peaches in modern day Savannah Georgia. Everything was flat to me. So Earth was flat in my eyes.
Laura Ingraham
I haven’t been this embarrassed since I thought the Webb telescope was a Hubble one.
Actually, who am I kidding? I’m a Fox News anchor. I have ZERO shame!
Regardless, we can’t have another defamation lawsuit. I have to tell our viewers that we all were wrong. The Earth is indeed round. I stand corrected, Joe Biden.
Lavern Spicer
Doesn’t matter. Our viewers choose to hear what they want to hear. Else, they wouldn’t be watching us nutjobs waste precious air.
Mike Lindel
This debate was sponsored by MyPillow! Come buy our top-of-the-notch brand: My Conspiracy Pillow. This pillow is soft enough to help you sleep through ANY conspiracy theory. Especially mine!
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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