5 Tantric Masturbation Mistakes to Avoid
Expert advice to help you get the most out of the experience
Although we may generally think of masturbation as a quick way to get off and move on with our day, tantric masturbation is an approach to self-service that is the polar opposite, focusing on slow exploration that can heighten the experience and make orgasm much more intense. Tantric masturbation can take a while to get used to, so I spoke to four sex and relationship experts who warned about the common mistakes we should avoid.
Focusing on a Goal
While arousal and orgasm are a wonderful part of tantric masturbation, they are not necessarily required. Try to avoid your habitual or usual ways of doing things — don’t just go for the familiar level of arousal. Explore how different sensations, touch, and movement create different flavors of arousal.
-Libby Sheppard, Intimacy Coach and Pleasure Educator
“Try to watch steamy films, fantasize, and wear a sexy outfit.” — Prismila De Guzman Kristensen
Judging Yourself
Remember, you have the ability to create a safe space for yourself. Try not to judge or put thoughts in your head that something you’re doing might be “weird.” However, if these types of mental disruptions arise, just know that it is a normal resistance and quite common — especially when practicing something intimate and vulnerable. If they do pop up, you can say to yourself “that’s interesting, but it’s not what I’m choosing to focus on right now.” This kind of approach can often be more powerful than “trying not” to judge as the “trying” implies a kind of doing, which can not only be counterproductive, but also very distracting. Instead, acknowledge the thought or feeling, which is often arising as a kind of defense mechanism, and then let your mind know that you are choosing to explore this so that you can ultimately have your own perception and learn through the experience.
Sometimes these judges in our mind are also tied to our own personal conditioning and will often arise as we expand our ability to feel within a new spectrum. Like a rubber band, it will take time to stretch, and judgments can often pull us into retracting, but as we observe them and shift into a more positive alignment, you will learn to trust the process.
-Megwyn White, Certified Clinical Sexologist and Director of Education for Satisfyer
“The tantric approach has no finish line, so there is no hurry.” — Libby Sheppard
Trying Too Hard
Don’t try too hard. There is nothing organic about trying to force an experience, so if it’s not working for you, take a break. Tantric masturbation may not be right for you in the moment, and you can always try again another time. Too often, sex is thought of as a performance. Tantric masturbation is anything but. It may be different from anything you’ve done before, and it’s okay to not know what you’re doing or how it should feel. Be open to the experience of what is, and stay away from expectations of what should be.
-Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D, Founder of Modern Intimacy
Not Getting Fully in the Moment
It’s rushing yourself to come without being able to enjoy the process, not setting your phone on silent mode, which could be a source of distraction, and not planning on things that get you in the mood. Try to watch steamy films, fantasize, and wear a sexy outfit. These factors will help in making you feel comfortable and peaceful as you slowly enjoy and strengthen your relationship with your body, which in turn improves your well-being overall.
-Prismila De Guzman Kristensen, Founder and Owner of Noti Philippines
“You have the ability to create a safe space for yourself.” — Megwyn White
Rushing Through the Process
Your body needs at least half an hour to drop into a relaxed state, for the nervous system to calm down and the brain to enter a more meditate wavelength. Realistically, a tantric masturbation session will last over 45 minutes to give you time to enter a more open and altered state.
Slow your breathing down, slow your touch down, slow your movements down. However slow you think you’re going, try going 20 percent slower. The slower you go, the more you will feel. For most people, regular masturbation is quick, hurried, furtive, a desperate and frantic squeeze over the finish line. The tantric approach has no finish line, so there is no hurry. Slow down and take your time. At first you might find this frustrating, your body might feel numb. When you have been used to rushing and being highly stimulated, or overstimulated, it will take some time and practice to learn how to pay attention to subtler sensation, and the energetic and spiritual aspect of your experience.
-Libby Sheppard, Intimacy Coach and Pleasure Educator
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