Summary

Narcissists use four main strategies to avoid taking responsibility for their lies: denial, deflection, projection, and dismissal.

Abstract

When caught in a lie, narcissists resort to four primary strategies to avoid responsibility and maintain their false reality. These strategies include denial, where they refuse to acknowledge their actions; deflection, where they distract from the issue at hand; projection, where they accuse others of their own wrongdoings; and dismissal, where they downplay the significance of the situation. Narcissists often use multiple strategies simultaneously, making it challenging for others to hold them accountable.

Opinions

Narcissists have a distorted sense of reality and lack object constancy, leading them to believe their lies.
Narcissists use denial to insist they did or did not do something, even in the face of overwhelming evidence.
Deflection is a common tactic used by narcissists to take the focus off themselves and onto others or unrelated topics.
Projection involves accusing others of the narcissist's own thoughts, feelings, or actions, often leaving the accuser flustered and defensive.
Dismissal is the final strategy employed by narcissists, where they downplay the significance of the issue and try to move past it.
The author suggests that recognizing these strategies is crucial to avoid falling into the trap of taking blame and feeling responsible for the narcissist's actions.
The author emphasizes that these insights are for informational and educational purposes and do not constitute medical or legal advice.

21 Irresponsible Things a Narcissist Says When You Catch Them in a Lie

Learn to recognize these four go-to strategies

Narcissists are notorious for sharing lies, or as they call them, “untruths.” Their entire world is a made-up version of reality. None of it is real.

That said, many believe they are their persona. They believe what they say is true. Between their lack of whole object relations and object constancy and their desperate need to preserve their persona and false reality, they cannot see the truth, even in the face of mounds of evidence.

Regardless of what they have or haven’t done and your ability to prove it, the narcissist will not admit fault. They will not take responsibility.

The narcissist uses 4 strategies when you’ve caught them in a lie. Often, they use several of them. Once you recognize the strategies for what they are, it’s impossible not to see them.

#1 Denial

The narcissist denies that they did something.

That didn’t happen.
That doesn’t sound like me.
Nope. Not possible.
I never said that.

Even when faced with 50 eyewitnesses and video from 4 camera angles, they will insist that you’re wrong, that it did not happen.

The narcissist also uses denial to insist that they did do something when confronted with the fact that they did not.

I don’t know what happened. I deposited the check.
I went to the DMV over lunch. They lost my paperwork.
I left a message for your mom. Her phone must not be working.

#2 Deflection

In this strategy, the narcissist takes the heat off of them by distracting you. It’s the typical, “Oh, look. A bird,” technique.

Sometimes, they will distract you with something random.

Hey, did you hear about that mass shooting today?
Before I forget, your mom wanted to know if we’re coming over Sunday. What did we decide?
Do you want to go to dinner? The restaurant closes in half an hour.

More often, they will deflect responsibility to make you and/or your feelings the problem.

I can’t talk about this when you’re so angry. You need to calm down.
Of course, I hid it from you. You always overreact.
I didn’t tell you she went on the business trip because I knew it would make you jealous.
I’m not going to let you speak to me this way.

#3 Projection

This strategy is hard to recognize, but once you see it, it is so revealing. The narcissist projects onto you what they are thinking, feeling, or doing.

You’re so controlling.
You’re looking for someone new. I can tell.
I can’t trust you.
I know you are cheating on me.

Next thing you know, you are flabbergasted and in defense mode. Suddenly, they are off the hook.

#4 Dismissal

This is usually the final strategy the narcissist will deploy around this issue. After they’ve denied, deflected, and/or projected, they will dismiss you and your concerns.

Can’t we just move on?
Do we really need to stay stuck in the past?
Why can’t you just let this go?

The narcissist uses these strategies because they work

The narcissist avoids responsibility and accountability.

You take the blame and end up apologizing.

You are led once again to believe you are the problem.

This is the trifecta of narcissistic supply.

Narcissist for the win — until you learn to recognize the strategies for what they are.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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